I am almost 30 years old and I have been married for almost 3 years. For the past 2 years I have been feeling neglected by my husband, my self-esteem has dropped and I have started feeling somewhat depressed just about day to day life, in general. Over the last 4 months I have become close friends with 2 guys (several years younger). We have been hanging out together a lot. We became close friends fast but over the last 2 months I have been having an affair with one of them. I think it's the attention thing but now I'm really starting to have STRONG feeling for this guy. I have tried to put him out of my mind but I can't. I think about him when I hear certain songs and just sporadically throughout the day. Meanwhile my husband is showing me more attention and now I'm not really wanting it. I am resentful towards him b/c he has neglected me for 2 years and we have talked and talked about this. I'm sooo tired of talking. I guess I have just about given up. I'm not ready to throw in the towel with my husband but I just don't really know what I want. I don't know how to stop these feelings or end this romance I have going on. I've tried to end it but I just can't. He makes me feel good. It's that exciting new feeling you get in a new relationship. The problem is that I feel so guilty now that it's driviing me crazy. <P>Need some help......preferably from someone who's been there. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have this huge weight on my shoulders. <P>

Welcome <B>LostFeelings</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>"I have tried to put him(OM) out of my mind but I can't."....<P>"I think about him(OM) when I hear certain songs and just sporadically throughout the day."...<P>"...my husband is showing me more attention and now I'm not really wanting it..."<P>"I am resentful towards <B>H</B>"...<P>"...but I just don't really know what I want."...<P>"He(OM) makes me feel good."...<P>"It's that exciting new feeling you get in a new relationship"...<P><B>Get this.... IT IS AN ADDICTION...</B>!<P>Every... I do mean Every feeling you have about the OM can ellicit the same thoughts if you replace the OM with a drug...<P>...treatment is what you need...<BR>...but like most addicts... you won't go for it until you hit rock bottom....<BR>...destory your family(ies)....<BR>...devastate your H...<BR>...lose face...<P>Keep the MB counseling in the back of your mind when you hit bottom...<P>Here is the recommended <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions information</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it... compared to a divorce) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>Prayers to all addicts...<BR>...especially you... dear LostFeelings.<P> <P>Jim

Jim-<P>Thanks for your response. I am trying to get control over this situation. Have you been there before? Do you know where I'm coming from? The good thing is that we have not slept together. I have held out on that b/c it is the ultimate. I have never done this before and furthermore have never gotten myself in this kind of situation before. I will not hit rock bottom b/c I WILL gain control over this before it destroys me. I don't want to hurt my H--he is a good person, fun, but he is obviously not attracted to me the way he used to be. We've talked about it. We have this whole issue with weight. He stays on me about losing weight. I'm 5'7, 145 lbs. I'm 15 lbs. heavier than I was when we met 4 years ago. This whole weight this has put a wall between us. I am very active in the gym; I cycle and run. I'm just never going to be the thin model he wants me to be. It's a big hangup he has. i can't even relax with him during sex anymore...all b/c of this weight thing. <P>I'm open for suggestions....and I really want them. Do you think I can just end the "addiction" part of my relationship with the OM and keep the friendship. The friendship means ALOT to me. I don't want to lose it. If it means ending the other...then I'll have to do it.<P>Pls. let me know what you think.<P>Thx. <P>

LostFeelings,<P>I'd really suggest you looking at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>!<P>Again, start at my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A> post!<P>I came down hard on you...<BR>...I apologize if it was too hard...<BR>...but so many... WS and FS as well... miss so much of the MB concepts for so long...<P>The "weight thing"... sounds like an hard obstacle... but not insurmountable!<BR>...when "unreasonableness" from anyone spouse is staring you in the face... some professional help from a third party (counseling ala MB) is a good way to proceed.<P>...but all of this requires the hardest step you'll ever take...<BR>...<B>letting go of the OM</B>...<BR>...without that... all else fails!<BR>...that includes NO FUTURE FRIENDSHIP with the OM!<P>...this is hard...<BR>...we talk about it (giving up OM completely) as a "withdrawal"... because of the addictive nature of an affair...<BR>...and like a drug addict's withdrawal... it is painful!<P>This journey... if you choose it...<BR>...will not be easy!<BR>But so much less painful than any other solution!!!<P>You have my compasssion... and prayers... <P>Jim

It's OK about coming down hard on me. Believe me, I know I'm wrong. I feel guilty for even having these feelings at all. I have thought about counseling and I think I will call tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like I may be able to just take control of the situation, end it and get back on track. The problem is that this guy lives right next door to me. We will have to see each other whether we like it or not. You're also right about the addiction part. I know I'm addicted to that "Feeling". I know that it's wrong to hug and kiss OM but I'm getting from him what I don't get from H. H doesn't care about kissing or sex any more. I don't know why. I work out and take care of myself...I honestly think he's hiding behind something else. I tried to find out but no progress.<P>See this whole thing is kind of different, not only b/c this guy lives beside me but also because he knows my husband. We all talk and cut up together. The OM and I manage to keep this to a minimum b/c I don't want ANYONE else to know about it....not even his roommate. We are around each other alot and don't get me wrong, the majority of the time we are just friends. It's just the fact that we've kissed and that I have these strong feelings for him that I shouldn't have.<P>I appreciate you writing back to me. And yes, please keep us in your prayers.<P>Thx.