I need help...<BR>My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year now. Dated 5 months and then moved in together to a new state. He took a demanding job, travelling 4-5 days/week. Relationship soured and many, many arguments. After 6 months being here he met a woman out of town and dated her a few times when in that city. Two weeks of that then he met a woman that works for the comp. he does while on a trip. They hit it off and boom were together. He came home after the trip and left me and the apartment. We had a lot of financial ties together so we had to stay in contact. He was very angry and hostile with me and denied any affair. Six weeks later I received an e-mail saying he missed me but never expected me to reply to it. (He knew I knew about the affair but would not admit to it). We had to meet about financial matters and he told me everything that happened and opened his e-mail to me to show all that transpired. He said it was over between them and he promised he would never see her again and he would do anything to get me back. Within 3 weeks they were chatting at work and had lunch together. I knew and confronted him. He denied it and told me if I thought that I sould leave him. We decided to remain friends. I missed him horribly and he was being extremely kind and helping me financially and emotionally while I was finishing school, getting licensed and looking for a job. I was trying to be the same kind of friend in return. Within a week we told each other how much we missed each other, he showed me the e-mails from the woman and I know they were only friends the second time around. I know that one of the reasons he left was that I was never supportive of his work and she offered this to him. <BR>My question is...He lied to me...Promised me would never see her again. How am I supposed to handle this...I already laid down the MB's ground rules and he didn't follow them. Will he ever have any respect for me again?<BR>He told me that he would just ignore her e-mails and she would hopefully go away because when he tried the last time to give her the "final goodbye, leave me alone" letter that did not work. <BR>Please give me any advice..I feel totally lost and confused with how to handle this.I love him incredibly and he actually asked me to marry him (at some time on the future)the night we got back together. We have always talked about it because we both have sucha gut feeling that we will be together. I know how much he loves and cares for me I just don't know what to do about his behavior and how to get his respect back because he has lied to me 3 times and I keep going back to him...<BR>What am I supposed to do?<BR>How am I supposed to expect him to respect me when I let him do this and come back into my life?<BR>Have I set myself up for failure?<BR>How do you live with yourself when you know you accepted something that you believe to be morally incorrect?<BR>

serenity,<P>I've read your post several times. Think I understand your feelings towards him and you seem to be a woman committed to building a wonderful marriage. <P>But, this what I understand from your post; he asked you to follow him to another state, travels 4 or 5 days a week, has two affairs and then tries to pin the blame on you for his affairs...and will not completely end it with OW #2. Then, after this track record and the night you make up, he ask you to marry him....but some time in the future.<P>IMHO, the man lacks commitment to you and does not respect you.<P>Please: <P>RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!<P>Find a man you can trust. Find a man that will respect you. Find a man that will help you build the type of marriage you so desire. Find a man that wants to meet your needs and have you meet his. Find a man that will come home after work to you and your future children. Find a man that looks forward to fifty years as your husband.<P>Is your BF that man?<P>All you have to loose by leaving your BF is a rough year, a broken heart and maybe some money. This will be a small price to pay compared to marrying this man.<P>Think what this situation would have been like if you had children with him.<P>But, all of this is just my opinion. This is your life and you must live it the way you want. Just choose wisely.

This may sound horribly insensitive to your feelings, but my advice is to get out while you can! Both my husbands were cheaters- either in relationships before me or when we were dating. Neither stopped just because we got married like I fantasized they would. <P>You do deserve better. It's very hard to come back from this once you have financial ties, in-laws, children, and all that comes with marriage. Don't sacrifice your future, your belief in love, your happiness, or your self respect for someone who does not deserve it. <P>I am sorry for your heartache.

Oh my heart aches for you.<P>I can almost here you saying..."But you don't understand, I LOVE him so much."<P>I have been married for 17 years. In cleaning out a drawer, I read letters written to my H shortly before we were married. Man I had it bad...in a good way. I talked about our wonderful life and how we would face problems...and I actually have followed through. But I cried and I cried when I read my sweet words because when I wrote them, I didn't have a clue how bad "for worse" could be. I cried because I grieve for that lose of unfettered hope and optimism.<P>Marriage is so hard, even without an affair, that going into the marriage with old baggage just would make it so much harder.<P>If I were you, I'd run.<P>However, in my dating days, I wish someone would have told me the difference of the pain from the breakup of the relationship and real love.<P>If you make the decision to make the break, you will still feel in love and like you were meant to be together...in fact, those feelings might even intensify. Breaking up is torture. Actually you can read all about it from a wayward spouses experience all over this board. <P>If you head is telling you to get out, then you will have to stay the course even when your heart is screaming at you to go back.<P>Expect it to take months, maybe as long as a year or two years to be completely "over" this guy. <P>In your next relationship, be careful to look for the traits you desire in a partner BEFORE you get hooked. Shop with your head and don't let your heart get ahead of you. No one told me that, either...although I can honestly say I choose H that way.<P>Sadly, nothing will guarantee a successful marriage. I am convinced that infidelity can touch anybody. You can decrease your chances incredibly by following MB principles.<P>You can do this!

I was where you were once. and I have to agree with the others. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! In fact I would end the relationship immediately. He has cheated and lied to you and he will do it again.