Hi all, News update<BR>H is acting differently...<BR>Seems calmer, more focused, and beginning to be more loving....<BR>Still has not moved back in. <P>So now about me, I have let go of trying to rationalize anything....Moving forward as if I am divorced, but without the legal paperwork. Yet I see him, enjoy his company and we are having great sex. (never was a problem). <BR>I want to plan A, and think I've done a pretty good job for the last two weeks.<BR>Yet I know if and when he gets this job out of state he will be gone. Pretty sure he will not ask me or son to join him...<BR>Right now I am letting him have it both ways...Acting married when he wants to and not when he wants too.<BR>I'm just wondering since I know he will be moving, should I go into plan B...?<BR>I mean he is enjoying himself, but am afraid I am sending the wrong message...We can be a little "bit" married...<BR>My taker is rearing it's ugly head and screaming, NO NO NO, it's all or nothing...Be a husband, father, grandfather, it's all or nothing....<BR>I want to continue plan A, so when he does leave he will miss me and the family,but at the same time "I need to learn to let adjust to his leaving AGAIN" .<BR>So is it par for the course to be, plan Aing, plan B and divorcing and in recovery all at the same time....? <BR>Or at least within the same DAY?<BR>In recovery is it usual to be still waffeling back and forth?<BR>Sometimes I think hey we are recoverying, then you know what the Taker tells me....<BR>Yeah Right...and when was the last time you saw a pig fly?<BR>Help me understand these emotions.....<BR>Tyra

I may not be the best for advice right now, but it seems to me that you are doing great with PlanA. <P>Even when he moves, won't he still come to see you and son??? And then you can still meet his needs.<P>Is he moving with OP? How far away?<P>You should read K's response to the question of plan B.. He describes it well.<BR>

Hi Tyra,<P>Sounds to me like you are a little bit confused. I'm sure this is very normal, even to feel this way all in the same day!<P>Let's take each option here and disect them.<P>Ok, the hard one first.<P>Recovery- Even though you may feel like things are going well, and your H seems like he wants to be with you, he is still involved with OW, right? So, I would say (sorry), that right now you are not in recovery. Like Harley says, Complete Marital Recovery cannot start until the affair has ended. If she is still in the picture, she needs to get out before recovery can truly happen.<P>Divorcing- Yes, papers have been filed, but from what I understand, it is on hold, right? So, my suggestion to you on this, is to pretend it isn't even an option. Stop pretending that you are divorcing. Stop moving forward as if you are divorcing. This is most likely giving your H very mixed signals. If you don't want a divorce, don't act like you are getting one.<P>Plan B- Well, we all have our limits, but honestly, from what I read in your post, I don't believe you are there yet. You said yourself that your H is making improvements, becoming more loving, ect. This is a very good sign. My initial thought would be to hold off on this until (when/if) he gets this job and moves.<P>Plan A- Sounds to me like you are doing a pretty good job on this one! Sounds like you are depositing love units, and not Lb-ing. However, 2 wks w/ no Lbing is not enough. You have to be diligent and really strive to make this a new and improved behavior. I would like to see you stay on Plan A until. a) He moves out of state (then go to Plan B) or b) this affair runs it's course. Whichever comes first.<P>Don't know if I've helped you at all. I do think it is important to decide which one of these YOU want to do, and stick with it. I beleive you are probably confusing your H as much as you are confusing yourself.<P>God's blessings to you!<P>Hugs,<BR>Cheryl<BR>