1<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited August 13, 2000).]

lighthouse,<P>This gets away from the porn angle, but something you said about second marriages applies to me.<P>My W and I met a work when she was still married (I was single). To make a long story short, we had an affair, she got divorced, we lived together for about a year and a half, got married, bought a house, had a child, and she had another affair. During the affair it never occured to me that I was the OM. I told her that I would never take her seriously unless she got divorced, in fact, I broke up with her once for that reason.<P>Although I had vague doubts about trusting her, I figured if I lived with her for a while and everything went well that would be it. Obviously, it wasn't. It seems to me that she needs to figure out what makes her unable to sustain a long term relationship before she will be successful. Of course, a lot of the fault belongs to me also, for not confronting my doubts with her and working them out to my satisfaction. Basically, I feel like I set myself up for failure.<P>What you say about bringing baggage to the next relationship is very true. I pointed out in another post that it is reccommended that people wait a year or two before getting into another committed relationship. It gives you time to figure out what went wrong, and how to fix the problems you had that contributed to the demise of the marriage.<P>I am behind the 8-ball here. Not only is this my W's second marriage, but we started by having an affair. The odds are very slim that we will be successful.<P>Steve

On an evolutionary level, men are stimulated to see a woman, pursue her, and mate with her. The more quickly and successfully men perceive and mate, the better the chances of their genes being passed on. Pornography, strip clubs, etc. are just ways of manipulating this response in men. Since men are visually stimulated with virtually no initial interaction from the female, pornography works for us (if we let it). Women require a longer selection process and interaction by the male to show his interest or at least create a favorable impression to them to allow them to select the best genes to fertilize their eggs, so porn seems pretty empty to them. This is my theory.<P>Dr. Woody<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B>Have a question about Addiction to Pornography.<P>I have noticed there seems to be a certain percentage of WS's that are male in gender that along with an affair were/are also experiencing a Sexual Addiction to Porn. My H is one.<P>Whether it be a byproduct or not, why do we not see as many women WS's also showing this addiction along with their affair? Is it just not being reported or discovered?<P>And if it is primarily a male addiction that accompanies an affair, why only male? Does that in itself say something about the affairs catalyst or attraction to the OP? Meaning it's not really love.<P>Jo<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I am in total agreement with you about bringing baggage into 2nd marriages.<P>I had just gotten my divorce from my first husband finalized weeks before I started dating my second husband. The reason that I had gotten divorced: I left my husband for another guy. Didn't have a sexual affair, but it was an EA strong enough to end a marriage. (He ditched me just as divorce was filed.)<P>I was in an army school at the time, so the guilt of leaving my child forever was deflected for a time. As soon as I got out of the school, my husband an I were married, and the reality sunk in. Three months later, I got pregnant with his baby.<P>Here, I ended a marriage due to an affair. I left my kid, then I got pregnant again; I was in tears all of the time--guilt, heartache for missing my child, and emotions due to pregnancy. My husband and I fought constantly. My first husband and I talked loosely of reconciliation until I found out about the new baby. (It would have never happened--he was a scumbag.)My second husband, therefore, did not know where he stood. Therefore, he did not think that I really loved him, and he didn't trust me. What a goatrope!<P>Looking back, I understand what a b* I was, even though I had just met the man that I "knew" was "the one." I know that these early years are ultimately what contributed to the affair that my husband had. Because our relationship started in the dust of a previous relationship.<P>Still, if I had it to do over, I would marry him again. I just would be wise as to how I was acting.