For the tangled web of the background, go here: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002449.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002449.html</A> <P>So now we fast forward 4 months.<P>I have left LA to move back home (San Diego). Flunked out of UCLA, so no one will be calling my Dr. grandpa for a while. Currently living with mother and sister and sleeping on the couch. How pathetic is that, a 41 year old man sleeping on his mother's couch? At least the kids have their own room.<P>As soon as I told her that I was moving back home, she filed for a change is custody. Hearing is next month.<P>So we had to go to conciliation court yesterday. I have been plan B for about 2 months. I figured maybe I can get an agreement here if I am nice to her. So "hi" says I and proceed to have a conversation. The social worker is 45 minutes late seeing us (d**n those social workers , guess what my degree is in), so we had lots of time.<P>I tell her that, IMO, the best interests of our children are served if we both can see them every day. Says she, "So you would take me back after everything that has happened?"<P>I say no. "then what are you trying to say?' <P>"I am trying to say just what I said. I don't think either of us did enough work. I think our children deserve more from us."<P>She says, "You are probably right."<P>Now her FB (fornication buddy) just started a new job in Maryland. So maybe she is just lonely. There was lots of other stuff said, some good, some not. She said that somtimes she misses our life. Whatever that means.<P>We are finally called into the office. She is still playing the victim card to the hilt. Telling the social worker I am trying to take the kids away, etc. I didn't really want to say much, but I had to correct her version of events for pretty much everyting she said. Of course, as I expected, no agreement. So we come out of the office with our best adversary faces on. <P>We had parked in the same lot without knowing. We pay and I walk her to her car. We embrace and kiss. She doesn't want to let go of me. i feel kind of like I am in one of those Escher (is that the guy) paintings where the stairways kind of fold on each other. Or that really famous one where the tow hands are drawing each other. Know what I mean?<P>So where do I go from here? Seems it may be a good time to start up a plan A again, if that is what I want to do. I was just getting used to being without her, more or less. With FB out of the picture mostly (he is supposed to come back monthly. We'll see how long that lasts), maybe some progress can be made.<P>Or am I just overreacting? Maybe she was feeling charitable to me for a moment.<P>Soap opera city around here, let me tell ya.<P>Any comments are, as always, greatly appreciated.<P>Thanks<P>

I guess at this point you really have to ask yourself what do YOU want and go from there.<P>If she is openning the door, and you want to go back in, you know how to do it based on the MB principals.<P>It seems to me that most peoples advice here is to go SLOWLY, very SLOWLY. I';ll be anxious to read others replies. I do not have much experience in reconciliation, since my H is still in some weird depressed land....

Hey, GP! Long time no "see."<P>It sounds encouraging...I've been gone for a couple of weeks...What happenerd to your apartment and the other woman your wife had beeninterested in?<P>Don't worry too much about UCLA. You've had a lot of stuff going on. You'll be DR. GP in good time.<P>Good luck! --HBC

Hey there, HBC. Lots of changes, so while I have been lurking, I have not been doing too much posting.<P>The apartment was student housing. So when I left, I could no longer stay there.<P>T and I are still together. Well we are together, but don't live in the same house. We live with our respective mothers until something happens on the job front for me. I have two part time jobs now, but need something perm before I can afford an apartment. But we see each other every day for at least a few minutes.<P>For the "from the mouths of babes" file:<P>I take the kids up to stbx on Sunday, a drive of 130 miles. During this time, our 6 yo son spends at least 15 minutes trying to figure out ways to get his mommy to come home. So today, out of the blue, he tells me that we need to buy a lot of cookies. I ask him why. He says so that we can make a trail of cookies from San Pedro (where she lives) to our house. Excuse me for being dense, but since this conversation came out of left field, I am still wondering what the heck he is talking about. Then he says that she will eat the cookies and find her way back home. Still missing the whole point, I ask "who?" He says mommy, of course. Almost swerved off the road.<P>So she calls me after I drop them off to see if they had had dinner. I tell her this story and she gets really quiet. Doesn't say a word, but I can almost see the wheels turning in her head. <P>Maybe I'll buy a packet of cookies to give her when she brings them back on Wednesday.

Sounds like a plan to me.<P>Good luck, whatever you decide - and remember: stranger things have happened!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

GP,<P>Your son sounds like such a cutie! I'm glad you managed to stay on the road after hearing that one. Hey, if cookies is what it takes, go out and buy a truckload!<P>How does Larri feel about T now? Would you be willing to risk everything and tell T a fond goodbye for Larri? (I am spelling Larri right, am I not? I can't remember how to spell T's name.) I am trying to put myself in Larri's shoes and I keep thinking that I would be a bit put off by "the one in reserve" if you know what I mean. I know that T means a lot to you and your family, but I think she may be a real stumbling block to your marriage. You said in your original post that you felt like part of an Escher painting when you were holding your wife--a picture completed, if I may. Is that feeling worth letting go of T?<P>Decisions, decisions. They're no fun, are they? Personally, I think the world would be a much better place if we just follow your son's thoughts and have more cookies.<P>All the best to you. --HBC

Larri or Tiana? To take a liberty here, didn't Shakesphere say something about that is the question?<P>I told Tiana that I thought that Larri wanted to come back. Tiana's first words were, "To us?" So she wants her back, too.<P>I don't know. We are a long way away (I think) from even discussing getting back together. But you never know. <P>I think I will go over and buy a package of cookies. Give them to her and see what she says.<P>Chocolate chip, I think.

So I bought some Chips A'Hoy minis to give her tomorrow when she drops the kids off.<P>When I called the kids tonight, she handed the phone right over to him (daughter is only 16 months, so she doesn't talk much). After our conversation, he told me that momma wanted to talk to me. Talk about heart in the throat time!<P>So she gets on the phone and just wants to tell me that he had a bad day with sister and everything is OK. I tell her I am confused and need to ask her a question.<P>I say, "What was the hug and kiss all about?"<P>She says, "I don't know. You wanted a hug, the kiss just happened, and I couldn't let go of you." So it wasn't just my imagination!<P>She asked me what it was about for me. I said, "I also don't know. This brought up a lot of stuff that I thought was done. But I guess not."<P>We ended the conversation there. I will see her tomorrow. Wonder what will happen.<P>I need to keep the children foremost in my mind. We all would be devistated (sp?) if she were to come back and leave again. I'm a big boy (most of the time) and I could handle it, but the kids, I don't know.<P>Pray (or send good thoughts) to me between 6 and 9 pm PST.<P>Thanks<P>Brian

Good Luck, GP! I'll be sending you good thoughts tonight (but if you feel the good vibe drift off it's because it will be getting past my bed time!)<P>Good luck with Tiana, too... (I was trying to give an "r" and it just didn't look right.) It's going to be tough not stomping on feelings--I wish you all the best! --HBC

How did it go, GP????

So she dropped the kids off. I gave her the cookies, and she got all choked up. Of course, I had to remind her first why I gave them to her.<P>We talked a little bit. She sees a path to get back together, but it is "cluttered" to use her words.<P>She is moving down here the middle of next month (or so she says). We will see what happens.<P>This will be a long, slow process.