Ok Guys,<P>I am here agian to vent..... <BR>This is how I am feeling on this fine Sunday night. <P>Since friday I have been eaten with the fact that OM got off scott free. I called him about 5 weeks ago. He said they were doing GREAT!!!!! But for me to holler at him and keep in touch! NOT A CHANCE!!!<P>So I have been on and off the roller coaster of resentment. I know that this is negative energy. I know this should be transferred into my marriage. But it is hard as hell..<P>Im so ripped inside. I do not want OM. I want this marriage. I jsut want H to meet my needs like OM did. <P>So last night to top it off. I found the realtors site that OM mother works for. I of course left a email for the new development lady to call me. Which is her. Dont ask me what the hell Ill say to her when she calls except to tell her that H and I are fine and have 2 houses to sell. I wouldnt dare let her be my realtor.<P>So this is where I am at.. I have never sent a no contact letter to OM. So u think that I owuld find closure that way. And tell him that I am sorry for calling him. That I will not contact him again for him to call H if I do. HE WOULD LOVE TO CALL H AND GET ME IN TROUBLE... But his W doesnt know bwout the affair. So he couldnt do it out of spite.<P>I was jsut wondering if that may help me feel better. Becasue I know me to well. I dont even trust myself. I started to let my frined call his W friday. Then thank God my mother talked to me before then. SHe said he didnt get off scott free. He will get his.<P>So that is what I try to hang on to. <BR>I know this is so wrong!!! But this is how I feel. I cant throw this to H anymore. I dont want to discuss it with him. He does better when it isnt brought up.<BR>I just thought I may feel better if I used that as a way of slamming him..... Sorry about the way I feel. You guys are all i have to talk to about this. Family doesnt understand why I let it bother me. <P>I desire all the prayers!<BR>Prayers<BR>Renee<P><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth all the pain and heartache????<P>I asked someone on here the other day. If it wouldnt be easier to let the affair die a natural death.. That way the withdrawal wouldnt be so hard.<P>SORRy for the disgrace. Just feeling down right now.<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Hi inamess,<P>There was no disgrace in your post. <P>It's interesting for me to read posts from you. A whole new angle on what the betrayer goes through. No, I'm not wishing this pain on you or any other betrayer out there, I just find it interesting that you are this mad at him.<P>Ok, ways to let your anger go...what would a good therapist say.<P>Write him a letter, really let him have it in the letter, and then go outside and burn it.<P>While outside, run a few miles, you'll be too tired to be this mad.<P>Not trying to make light at all...but a long time ago when I went to a shrink, I had some issues (I hate that word) with my dad. He suggested I did the letter thing and burn it...and it really worked! Which was really good 'cause my dad died not long after and we were getting along well by them. <P>You have to find a way to let this go. Telling his wife is not the way, as you know. You will regret it, and while it will cause OM pain, it really isn't your place to tell her.<P>Yeah, he'll get his. It's totally unfair that you're going thru all of this and he isn't, but your mom was right...he is probably living in fear every day that you'll contact his wife. That alone should give you a bit of pleasure.<P>Keep posting your vents, that has got to be helping you some.<P>allison

AZ,<P>The letter thing really worked? That may be a thought. I may try that. I wont contact him. Ill let him suffer with the thought that I may contact her. Dont you know that is hell. Not to mention that anyone that ask about it I always tell the truth.<P>Thanks so much Allison<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Is it normal to want all the attention? Or am I just a slut? <P>I seems that I am dying for attention. I dont know what it is. I just check to see if someone looks at me. I have heard other betrayers say that. I thought it was silly.<P>Is it because H isnt meeting my needs? My big need is sexual fullilment and that goes unmet. Is that normal for a 30 yr. old man?<P>Thanks to all<BR>renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Please don't tell his wife; what will that accomplish for you? How in the world is it going to make you feel better to break someone else's heart? Yes, it is a truth that needs to be told, but not by you. He is the one who needs to tell his wife what he did. He is the one who violated HIS marriage. Now he is the one who needs to fix things. You will not be involved in that process--why initiate it? I don't understand why you feel it would help you get closure to tell of your affair to his wife.<P>I found out about my husband's affair on my own. But if his woman had called me up, angry because he has left her to come back to me, I think that I would have died inside, I would have left no chance for reconciliation.<P>If her husband had called me, the same. It was bad enough to be lied to by my husband, but to have total strangers inform me that my husband was unfaithful. . .<P>I had this happen to me once, when I was dating in college. I had this girl call me up and tell me that she was pregnant by my boyfriend. My verbal reactions, in order:<P>1) You're lying, and I have no idea what you have against me to tell me such a thing.<P>2) So what do you want ME to do for you? Hold your hand and tell you how sorry I am that you slept with my boyfriend and got yourself into this?<P>My boyfriend was a real scuzzbucket, but I sure didn't want to believe it. It was more valuable for me to find this out on my own than to hear about it from other people. As long as people pointed out to me how he was sleeping around, all I did was get defensive and protect him. He was, after all, MY boyfriend and I loved him.<P>I have had fleeting thoughts of telling the OW's husband, and it's a no-go as far as I'm concerned. There is nothing about destroying what's left of their marriage that is going to help me out. She's a sleezy skank, but pointing that out to him would just make him defensive--she's his wife and he loves her.<P>As far as having men look at you, no you're not a slut, but you do have a problem with your feelings of self-worth. It seems that you have found your womanhood to be the most profitable way to feel acceptence. You want to know that you are an attractive, important person. And knowing that guys look at you is what helps you feel that way.<P>I like to be looked at, too. For years I was a fat ugly duckling. Even in college, I wasn't the prettiest thing. Moma dressed me weird, I guess. Kind of ironic, the minute I got married, that's when I started attracting attention. I realized that I am attractive, and I enjoyed the attention that I got from men. But inside, I was still the fat, ugly girl that I had been, and the two realities conflicted. I felt that the only route to acceptance was my femininity because of this. Shoot, when I joined the army shortly before my divorce from my first husband, I was like a kid in a candy store!<P>That was a bad thing. Just because a man pays attention to your body doesn't necessarily mean he's going to be interested in YOU. He might have other priorities on his agenda that you don't know about.<P>It's just the slimey guys who come right out and tell you he wants your bod (and leaves it at that.)<P>I would get help and counseling for a problem with ideas of self-worth. It is a hard thing to beat, because sometimes we don't see ourselves and our value the way that other people do. I would have your husband go with you so that he knows what it is that will make you feel valuable and attractive--and not just sexually.<P>

Try reading His Needs Her Needs, so you can identify what your needs are and also get H to read it. Maybe together you can start meeting each others needs.<BR>The OM was meeting a need of your, and H wasn't so NOW give him a chance to do that.<BR>Not easy to do but it will get easier in time.<BR>Start working on YOU, and your relationship with your H....<BR>Let him deal with whatever comes his way(OM) I mean.<BR>I am sure his wife may have thoughts something just isn't quit right in their relationship, but until he tells her, either admitting to the affair or asking for her help he will keep doing what he is doing.If not with you then with someone else......

I talked to OM today.... <P>He wants to call be back... I dont want to do this..<P>I need prayers!<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!