The subject line says it all. I have moved from recovery to GQ. I deserve better.<P>bh<p>[This message has been edited by bighope (edited August 16, 2000).]

I am so sorry. What, exactly, happened?

Hey BigHope,<BR> You've been so good about suporting us all,now it's our turn. Please let us help support you too! We are thinking of you!

I went home at lunch early to get something for my son and his truck was there. When I went inside I had to unlock the door and then I saw our bedroom door was shut. I went upstairs and it was locked. I made him unlock and there they were dressed kinda of.<P>We all talked about 1 1/2 hours more to her to get the truth. He contacted her because he missed her and loves her and she loves him. She said no for awhile, but gave in. They weren't going to say anything until after her baby is born January. Baby is her H's. This is sick.<P>I LB several times, but I was hurt. He asked me not to interfere with her life and I won't. She needs to tell her husband. I want out I have tried for six months.<P>Contact started about one month ago, or at least coming to our home. That was my only place of safety and that is gone. <P>I don't want anything from him just a fresh start. She played the good person and didn't say much. He and I fought alittle bit and I am sure that was good for her so she can play the good one now. <P>I knew something was wrong he couldn't control being mean again. He wanted me to hate him as before. I know now that I am no longer in love him. I have been fighting this for awhile.<P>I wished them well and told them that it won't be easy. I told them they need to make sure they meet each others needs, and the needs they need aren't what they think they must talk.<P>I even told ow that we are closer my husband and I. She asked how, I told her because I have learned to open up and be honest about my feelings. I am still his best friend. <P>I pity them actually. It will be very hard.<P>Any suggestions, <P>bh<BR>

BH,<P> I'm so sorry that those scumbags (sry, I'm riled up) had the nerve to *agh!* in your own *house*!! <P> Still, I'd ask *him* to leave. Why should you have to search out new digs? Granted, OW was in your house... but you can always set out a few cans of Raid fogger, have a bonfire in the backyard (bed), rip out the bathroom and re-do it. <P> I don't blame you one bit for wanting to throw in the towel. You have definitely got my attention! Rant away, hon. I'm sitting here yellin' at my 'puter screen. The *nerve*!<P> Sending hugs out for you, BH.<BR> Mynabird

BH, I think you just went through one of our worst night mares. I believe you are doing the right thing by saying goodbye and wishing them well. I'm sure someday that will come back to haunt them and they will feel so cheap. If I were you I would move. I couldn't stay in my house if I knew my H ****ed another woman there. Let him deal with it. I feel myself that if I finally decide not to stay with my H that I will move. If I'm going to make a new start in life I need to do it in my own place not a home that we had made together.<BR>I just feel so bad for you. <BR>I really wish there was something I could do for you. <P>Jill<P>[This message has been edited by crazy or what? (edited August 15, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by crazy or what? (edited August 15, 2000).]

BH,<BR> I know that for me,I am not one who could Plan A for very long without clear evidence of OW being GONE.I would not be strong enough to endure a reoccurance of the A.I can understand your need to distance yourself,emotionally and physically.<P>Even though this hurts like *ell,your probably best not making any kind of permanent decisions right now. You are so right when you say they just don't know how hard things are going to be for the two of them.January is a long way off and now that your H is going to have to rely totally on OW to have his needs met,lots can happen between now and then and it most likely won't all be rosey with a pregnant,emotional OW.<P>I don't think the fat lady has sung yet,but I totally understand your need to protect your feelings at this point.<P>{{{{{{{{Big Hope}}}}}}}} Prayers for you hon! Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

This seems to be my day for being surprised. I thought I was more or less up to speed on the recovery board. Well you go where you feel you belong. You have just gone through everyone's nightmare and emerged with dignity. Good for you!<P>I don't know enough of your story to offer any useful advice. I just offer my sympathy and my admiration.<P>Take care.

Thanks all for the support. I am still in shock, but now the hurt is setting in.<P>I want him to go and stay with the ow starting today, but she needs to tell her husband.<P>I won't see him until later tonight, thank goodness.<P>judy<P>

((((((((Judy))))))))))<P> I still think you should stay and he should go. You have the kid(s?) to take care of. The kids do not need to be uprooted along with dad going away at the same time. You are hurting. Sit tight where you are. Tell him to get a room or go stay with family or friends. <P> Also, OW's H doesn't know? How long has she been scr88ing around on her H? Maybe he needs a bee put in his bonnet. No major details, just a hint to get this thing moving. You need closure of some sort. Oh, don't listen to me... I'm ranting. <P> Mynabird

Judy,<P>I'm so sorry for the terrible experience you had. That would be so awful I can't even imagine . . .<P>I agree with Myna. YOU stay in the house and make him leave. He's the one who has made a choice to hurt you. Kick his butt out! I also agree with Myna about spilling the beans. What do you need to protect HER for? And you have made the decision that its over between you and H, so what can he do about it? Withhold love and affection? Hah! Granted, it will be hard for her husband, but I think he deserves to know. For crying out loud, she's pregnant with his child. You're right, it's sick.<P>Take care of you. Do what's best for you. You're right, you don't deserve to be treated that way.<P>God Bless, KristyAnn

OW h does know. OW told him today after I told her to tell him. My h spent 1 1/2 in emergengy room today. <P>This scene happened infront of his boss. The OW h find him at work and attacked him from behind. <P>Even though I am in pain no one deserves to be attacked. <P>As fas as leaving home, I can't afford to stay here and we don't have any children together. We both have one each from previous marriages. They are 9 and 8 years old. They are very close. We won't tell them anything until I move.<P>I hate this, but it seems my pain is less then my h. I am stronger now then I had been 6 months ago when I found out about the affair. In a way I have had six months to get ready for this, but hoped it would never come. <P>He tried he said, but trying for four months without contact and she showed up while he was working out. It started from there. His words to me, he got in the middle again and couldn't stop. <P>I want to be his friend in the future, but right now I can only be good to me and my son. I want a fresh start. He is in pain and he has turned for me for comfort. Maybe I am not thinking clearly, but I want to be there for him. <P>They have tough times ahead and he really doesn't have anyone to really rely on. They can talk all they want to each other, but I feel they both will hurt and price a dear price in the end.<P>I am putting myself in God's hands for now. <P>I can't see them making it since they never know what a true love is. It is not the rush of romatic feelings at the start of any romance, but something that goes from there. Just my feelings and maybe they will make it. But with her pregnant by her h and the added problems a newborn adds, it will not be easy. She can meets his needs now, I quit.<P>Judy<P>I am so concerned about our kids, and what impact this will have.

Judy...<BR>You are right that they have a bit of an awakening ahead of them. Right now, just concentrate on taking care of you & your child...that's really all you can do.<P>This stinks...<P>Kathi<BR>

What Shakespeare play is it that has the line "What fools these mortals be!"?<P>So sorry to hear all this BH, do the best you can for yourself and the kids. <P>Take care.

Judy-<BR>I got your email and replied. If you can't check it from home and you need to talk, I'm in the book, don't hestitate to call. We'll remember you in our prayers.<P>Lori

Judy...<BR>How are you doing today?<BR>Let us know....you are on my mind and in my prayers.<P>Kathi

I am at home today, I just hurt. We talked most of the night. <P>The pull was strong he couldn't let of her. They didn't see each other for four months and then she started going to workout at the same time my h did and it started over.<P>He said so many things to me. I need my best friend and I can't depend on him anymore. I told him that and I asked him how I was his best friend still. The OW should be now. <P>He said his heart is going with her but his head says something else. We have gone done this road and I can't repeat it. He says I have always spoiled him. That remined me of an earlier post, something about What I did to make my H more attactive to the OP. I believe it, I did spoil him because <BR>I wanted too.<P>He knows he will miss this. But also he wont' miss me like he did her. He hopes that I won't hurt like he has for her. I asked him why he couldn't turn to me and he said he didn't want to hurt me, okay! <P>He said when they first staring emailing each other he told her how good he has it. But of course it went on from there and they starting meeting and say they say the rest is history.<P>I said that he never really opened up to me as I did to him. Did he think I couldn't handle him missing her, he didn't think so. <P>He the pull was so very strong. I said then you really never focused on us but her. I don't feel like he gave us a true chance. But I am walking away with no regrets and no guilt. I tried hard.<P>He comforted me during the night and I comforted him, by supporting each other as we cried. He said he wishes he could take back the last 10 months if he could. I said you can't and you need to learn from your mistakes. He just can't get over her.<P>I said I really hope we can be friends since our kids lives will be mixed for along time.<BR>Let her LB now. She was worried how the sleeping would be, since last time he did the right thing and wanted our marriage.<P>I told him that I still love him but I am no longer in love with him. He actually told me when we talk like this he feels so close to me, supporting each other through this nightmare. He wished it would stay all the time. He said it again I love you but not in love with you.<P>I told him he is my dream man and that really upset him. I told him that I have turned down men asking me out since this all started and I explained to him I have a rule of protection for myself. I won't let any male get close to me because I am vulerable now. I said I might use a boy toy to have someone to do things with (teasing). <P><BR>Thanks for listening.<P>Judy<P>

Boy, do I want to shake him...<P>I am glad you sound OK...you are right that you did your part, and can be proud of yourself. I just wish he could have stayed away from here another couple of months...affairs make people so stupid, you know? <P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

It seems you are doing the right thing for you. I don't believe things will work out for them - it's tooooo messy. There's the possibility that he may realize his mistake & come back. Be prepared.<BR>Good luck

Judy,<P>You have to be the bravest woman I know. I am so sorry for what you walked into yesterday. That is the worse nightmare of a BS and an unconscionable thing for your H to do to you.<P>I am just so sorry.<P>I see in your words that he is torn, conflicted, he doesn't want her 100%, he doesn't. Has he lived with OW yet? I'm sorry but I don't know your entire story yet.<P>If he hasn't lived with her, then doing so will show him she CANNOT meet all his needs. I really believe she cannot. He'll be missing you BIG time. BUT ... I think a Plan B is in order for you.<P>You have filled his Love Bank and it's spilling over with deposits from you. So I think he needs to see what life is like without you. He has a rude awakening coming.<P>Please take care of yourself, Judy, I am thinking about you and praying for you.<P>I just don't know how you do it. What a strong and caring person you are, your H must be some kind of crazy to not see this. Truly a dense FOG for him.<P>Best and many prayers for you.<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 16, 2000).]