Hi all. 1st of all I want to say what an inspiration most of you have been and continue to be for me (a BH) and my wife (a WS) I did not want to come out on here at 1st as I only registered last night to try and help another man in a similar boat to the one I am in. I have not posted my own story, as I believe my wife has pretty fairly told the story, as I know it. I do NOT want this forum to turn into a he said-she said. I made that major mistake when I called the OM. I will never contact him again, it made me feel bad, and it drove my wife away from me.<P>That said, I know that there is a major thread on here about us. I AM NOT ready to give up. I just enjoyed our time together last week so much that it made me very sad and longing for the old days. I want ALL of her back. As much as I loved the time and love we shared last week, I know OM is still in the background. If she is not ready to give up OM, I need to back off and wait. How long I can wait, I do not know. I admire the long term waiters on here. I also know that years of waiting is not for me. I have sucked it up and held the marriage together since way before I even knew here WAS an affair.<P>That said, I will be here for my wife when she ends it with the OM. I am not asking for a lot, just the chance to get our marriage back the way we need it to be. I can NOT let myself get googly eyed and overly mushy like last week though until OM is gone. The pain I have suffered emotionally over this is not something I can just fall into again....I need to be cautiously optimistic about this. I know my W WANTS us to work it out....but so far she has not been able to do what needs to be done. <P>For anybody else out there in this situation......GO TO A COUNSELOR!!!! I can not stress this enough. I am fairly successful, decent looking, good job, nice house, cars, WIFE, etc.... When the A hit, it devastated me. I lost the weight, couldn't sleep, couldn't focus, burned over 120 vacation hours because I couldn't go to work and function. I started turning around as soon as I went to the counselor. He helped me understand that I am not ugly, or dumb, or undesirable, or a bad man. Shoot, I spent a lot of time hanging at my freinds pool , cuz I couldn't do much else. I got tan, thin, and all of a sudden, women started hitting on me. I don't know if they smelled a potential catch or my mojo was just working, but it too helped my esteem. It made me realize that I WILL go on...one way or another. When I made that realization, it made it easier for me to wait on my W to come back. And here I am.<P>SO GO TO COUNSELING!!!<P>This is enough for now....Just know that I am not gonna give up on my wife. I just need to see some real results before I start putting my emotional eggs back in the basket! <P>Thanks for the listen...<P>SmallSteps4Now<BR>

SS4N,<P>I guess I'll be the first to ask. Under what name is your W, posting here. Of course you don't have to tell and I think I might know, but it might help people respond to you and to her.<P>Take Care,<P>JL

LOL...read the title y'all. My Wife is lost_in_love.... <P>

Hello, Mr. LiL,<P>I had a pretty good idea, but didn't want to open something up that you wanted to keep down, but admit I didn't read the title closely. Working and looking at this means the concentration on MB is not as good. <P>So, is there something the assembled multitudes can help you with, I mean other than solve the obvious problem instantly? <P>I am glad you are on here, in someways people have found that it made being very honest difficult because the spouse could read it. However, in many cases it seemed to open up communications that were difficult in person. I hope that it works this way for you.<P>Are you familiar with Plan A and such on this site? If you are not but want a quick tour of what is available, please go to the "Just Found Out" section and look for NSR's welcoming post. Within it you will find bookmarks to many useful articles and many "notable posts", that just might help you.<P>Must go now, but keep posting, the people here will do their best to help.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Small Steps -<P>I think you should change your name to Giant Heart! I have been posting to your W, on other threads - seems as though we are in similar positions. The only difference is that my H and I are DEFINITELY on the road to recovery. We've been in recovery for 4 months - two months no contact, one month contact, now 1 month no contact again! What a rollercoaster. But at this point - almost four and a half months after I ended the affair - I can honestly tell you that I am more in love with my H now than on the day we got married. I can clearly see that the OM, the relationship, everything, was the biggest mistake of my life.<P>Like you, my H was and is willing to do anything to save "us." I also knew that he wanted what was best for me - so if that meant moving forward with his life without me, I knew he would have been able to do that. BUT, I am soooooo glad I came out of that "funk." I can't believe just how close I came to losing the one person who truly loved me.<P>At any rate, I just wanted to say: <P>- Welcome - to the site, and<BR>- Thanks - from a WS whose H stuck by her even during the worst of times. You'll never know how much I admire the love you have for your wife; appreciate the simple kindnesses you have probably shown her; and the patient understanding of a situation you never deserved to have happen to you.<P>I hope your W comes to the realization that I did and recognizes what she really stands to lose - an awesome H and the best friend she could ever have. Just try to be patient (I know you're tired of hearing that one), and good luck to you both. <BR>

<sigh> Nothing I need help with at the moment. I was reluctant to post, as I am glad my wife has chosen to participate with you all here. I have come to terms ok for now...I am in counseling and doing much better. All I want is my wife back. I know she has to make that choice, and when she does, we'll start working like crazy. <P>I was the one that 1st found this site and told her, way back in May. I know all about Plan A, B, and I am sort of in a plan C right now. I only decloaked because my wife recognized me in my attempt to help another man in a simiar aituation last night on here.<P>I do not want to get into any battles with/about her on here. I want her to be able to get whatever she needs from you, without feeling threatened. That said, thank you again for being here for us and all the others.<P>SS4N

Small, I'm just curious what it's like right now. Do the two of you still live together? Is there still some mutual affection? Love? Etc.... <P> I hope things work out for the two of you in the end. I know all to well what you feel inside.............<BR> <BR> I appoligize if you've already posted the answers to all of my questions in other posts..

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SKM:<BR><B>Small Steps -<P>I think you should change your name to Giant Heart! I have been posting to your W, on other threads - seems as though we are in similar positions. The only difference is that my H and I are DEFINITELY on the road to recovery. We've been in recovery for 4 months - two months no contact, one month contact, now 1 month no contact again! What a rollercoaster. But at this point - almost four and a half months after I ended the affair - I can honestly tell you that I am more in love with my H now than on the day we got married. I can clearly see that the OM, the relationship, everything, was the biggest mistake of my life.<P>Like you, my H was and is willing to do anything to save "us." I also knew that he wanted what was best for me - so if that meant moving forward with his life without me, I knew he would have been able to do that. BUT, I am soooooo glad I came out of that "funk." I can't believe just how close I came to losing the one person who truly loved me.<P>At any rate, I just wanted to say: <P>- Welcome - to the site, and<BR>- Thanks - from a WS whose H stuck by her even during the worst of times. You'll never know how much I admire the love you have for your wife; appreciate the simple kindnesses you have probably shown her; and the patient understanding of a situation you never deserved to have happen to you.<P>I hope your W comes to the realization that I did and recognizes what she really stands to lose - an awesome H and the best friend she could ever have. Just try to be patient (I know you're tired of hearing that one), and good luck to you both. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Very well said SKM.........<P>

Who I Am....go back a few days and read the posts from lost_in_love....<P>But to answer your immediate questions...we are not living together. Wife moved out against my wishes, before she ever met the OM. I believed her when she said she wanted time/space to figure stuff out, but in reality, She and the OM already had plane tickets and plans for him to come here while I was away on a scheduled family reunion, weeks before she even moved out.<P>Yes we still love each other very much. I don't believe we ever stopped. I know I did not. She says she wants to save our marriage, but she has not got the courage or will to break off with the OM yet. Hence, we can not save our marriage or seriously work on it yet.<P>I believe we can still put it right, or I wouldn't be here. One other thing....the counseling has helped make me realize I will be just fine, with or without my wife. I CHOOSE to wait for her, for now. I will wait until I can't, then I will move on with my life and goals without her if necessary. One thing to remember...I try to put "us" first always...THEN I worry about me. When we both reach that state, I'll know we will make it.<P>Good luck, it is a tough road, but worth it if you can walk it. <P>SS4N

I have walked it for a long time now Small.<BR>She has made it quite clear that she doesn't want me to "walk" it any longer. She doesn't want plan A. She wants me to just go away and live my own life. The "Fog" is very thick and plan B is more her style. It's easier that way for her. <P> It sounds like theres lots of hope for your situation and I wish you lots of luck. <BR> As for mine, My walk is over. I've been broken to many times by the one i love so much. <BR> Lots of luck to ya..........<BR>