I've been thinking about all the important things that I've learned on this forum. Some of the very notable posts have been lost along the way. I thought I would share some of the things that that have made a lasting impression. I'd like everyone to share the things that helped them along the way. Maybe it can help someone else! <P>1. From Nerlycrzy:<BR>"Your H gave the OW power by bringing her into your life. Now you are giving her power by keeping her there in your mind."<P>Not an exact quote Nerly, and I'm a slow learner , but I will remember that always. <BR>I do not want to give the OW that power.<P>2. One more from Nerly just recently:<BR>"Healing isn't all it's cracked up to be."<P>Oh how that helped me feel normal again! A part of me wanted healing to be all wine and roses. I thought it was for everyone else. Healing/recovery has a lot of crap in it too. That's okay though. It's normal to have downs sometime. Thank you my mentor. <P>3. From Almost Happy (my other mentor), in reference to the questions we have:<BR>"Why would I want my H to remember, to go back there."<P>Thank you AH. I don't want him to think about the affair/OW. My questions took him there and that's not what I wanted. Your words shut me up for a while. I still tell myself that then bite my tongue.<P>4. From Lostva (just today):<BR>"I was betrayed, I'm not anymore"<BR>Lori, what a pearl. I've been repeating it to myself since I read it. It is in the perspective. I am not betrayed anymore.<P>Okay everyone. It's your turn. Share the things that have really helped you!<BR>

Wasstubborn -<P>Okay, I'll play. I have learned so much on this site, from everyone. I can't remember every piece of noteworthy advice, but here's a couple (for those of you who don't know, I'm a WS):<P>1. From Just Learning - when I asked why my H still loves me after all that I had done to him and our marriage - "Your H loves you because you meet his needs, you are worthy of his love and he's smart enough to hang on to you."<P>2. Also from Just Learning - When I said that I felt like I was on a lower level than everyone else - because of all the lies and deception - "Your actions may have been on a lower level, but you are not."<P>3. From Michigan (can't remember her exact name, but Vee wrote on the same thread) - When I asked if you could ever remain friends with the OM - "Find a friend you haven't slept with." What a kick in the pants, but that's the one piece of advice that has gotten me through the pain of no contact - ther reality of what I had done hit me in the face - and that's what I needed.<P>4. From Momma - After one of my very first posts, "I know exactly how you feel." It made me feel like I wasn't the only one in the world that had committed adultery, and she encouraged me to keep trying - she still gives me pep talks that seem to keep me on track - cause she knows where I've been and where I CAN go.<P>Just want to take this time to thank all of you, I have learned a lot from everyone - from the betrayed to the betrayers. Thanks so much.

I can't attribute my learning to any particular people, but the ones who have helped the most have been Catnip, NSR, Resilient, Bystander, and Lor. Some because of wisdom, some because I understood them, all because they shared - and not even always directly with me. Thank you all.<P>So, I've learned that I am not alone. There is support right here. My experience is not unique. Other people can understand. <P>I've learned that the decision to stay or go is mine alone. No one can walk that path for me. Advice is like ***holes- everyone's got one, but eventually I have to decide what is best for me and my family based on my own life.<P>The shame of betrayal is not mine, but the betrayer's. As more time goes by, I feel more and more pride in the way I've handled things and know that the people who are laughing are laughing at HIM, not me. But those are not the people who matter. The people who have stood by me are my true friends.<P>All people are human and all people are vulnerable to this. No marriage is made in heaven. They are made in earth by us, so we must take care of the love every day to keep it something special and worth having.<P>My STBX is not the only man in the world. And he does not represent all men. If I desire, I can have someone who loves me, is worthy of me, and who will be as devoted to my lasting happiness as I am to his. <P>All love is a state of mind. We fall into it willingly. We fall out of it willingly.<P>There will always be a willing whore who doesn't care about vows to God and others. Don't think it can't happen!<P>I've learned that I am not crazy. It feels like it, but that is because all I believed in was a lie. It's normal. It's natural.<P>I've learned that couples have a responsibility to themselves and each other for the success or failure of the relationship. Communication is so important!<P>I've learned that I am a survivor and this pain does pass. "That which does not defeat you makes you stronger."<P>I believe that we are all a part of God's divine plan, but it is up to us to make the best of our situations. We are in control of making it better or changing our lives. It's all good.<P>I've been inspired by many things shared on this board. From the success stories and strength shown here, I do believe I can have that life long relationship someday with someone who is worthy. Good people do exist.<P>My marriage has broken up, but it has not been because I didn't try. I feel good about the decision and am much happier now. I'm very much at peace with it and have no regrets. The relationship taught me much. All of you have taught me much. Thank-you.

Oh, great idea!<P>One I will <B>NEVER</B> forget and possibly SAVED ME from myself....<P>From Guilty1 (a WS) who used to post here:<P><B>"Marie, do you want to LOVE your husband or PUNISH your husband?"</B><P>Just the kick in the pants I NEEDED....I've been <B>LOVING</B> ever since!<P>Peace, ~Marie

I've been thinking about this...so many people, so many thoughts, so much help, and the occasional slap up side the head. I find myself thinking...where did so & so go? I wonder if their marriage made it? I think that is why it is so wonderful that people come back with their success stories the next and next and next year.<P>Being on this board so long, I also realize that there is no "worst" situation. There are many, many fawcets to bad situations, and sometimes I am wordless in the face of some of them, and most of us think at some point that no one has ever felt as bad as we do. We come here and we discover, heartbreakingly & so sadly, that we are not alone.<P>A few memorable pearls (hopefully paraphrsed adequately:<P>VMV--there will be setbacks, expect them, and still move forward, step by step, day by day.<P>TNT--you aren't giving unconditional love if you are expecting something back.<P>FHL--if you aren't getting the answers you want, maybe you're asking the wrong questions.<P>Animac--if words & actions don't line up, there is SOMETHING wrong & actions are more likely to be truthful.<P>And just examples of coping:<P>K, Chris, Terri--so much patience & self-control<P>Wasstubborn--cleaning litterboxes with the OW's shirt (or had the OW given it to H?). Either way, very funny & satisfyingly vengeful without physical pain to anyone.<P>Catnip--her wonderful prayer last summer about her husband.<P>Deb--introducing us to PRAYERS THAT AVAILETH MUCH<P>Suse & Duncmac--their "honeymoon times" after a long time of trouble.<P>Guard--my husband, for braving "my" board with his Feb 00 postings of being a remorseful, newly commited-to-me spouse. It just took me an additional 3 months to believe him . But he showed a side of the WS that was eloquent and real.<P><BR>

My favorite:<P>VMV - "You can't MAKE your wife love you, you can only help her realize she still does."<P>SHA