I just found out three day's ago that my husband had a month long affair with my 30 year old niece, I'm 34, he's 37, anyway, I read the four part series on surviving infidelity, and although it was really helpful to me, It didn't address how to handle the situation of infidelity if a family member was involved...I feel so betrayed, she and I were very close,'I thought' her mother, my sis, is my best friend...My husband broke off all contact with her, he confessed the affair..all might turn out all right, but how can I ever face my niece again, I'm at a complete loss...Help.....

Hey Lisa Lou.<P>I'm so sorry for the discovery of H and your niece.<P>What were they thinking???????????<P>Does your sister know?<P>I would suggest no confrontation, let your niece think about what she's done. Let her come to you, but if she does, tell her you still love her as a family member BUT she has betrayed that love and trust. If she apologizes, listen and try not to loose control. Both your H and your niece are adults and are equally responsible for such a unthinkable and thoughtless act.<P>Coming to terms with this is not going to be easy for anyone involved mostly you. <P>Was this strictly a PA or is there EA involved?<P>The fact that your H was vunerable to thi A says one or more of his emotional needs were not being met. Get him the EN questionare and have him fill it out PRONTO! Then see what needs you weren't meeting. This is a start.<P>Hope I've helped a little.<P>Be strong and take care, Hon.<P>Jo

It was both PA and Ea, thank's for the advice and the kind word's. Obviously they weren't thinking...yes my sister knows I told her right away, She's pretty upset, too.But we both are going to try and let this not get in the way of our relationship..ps..my niece did not, want my husband to tell me about the affair...Lisa Lou

Lisa Lou,<BR> That is horrible. I can't even imagine how you feel. I just want you to know that you have come to a good place. You will find lost of people willing to help you here. It just makes me so mad to hear about something like this, it's so much worse than an affair with a stranger to me, because both people knew someone was going to be hurt horribly, and did it anyway. BTW, I think I'd have to hurt my niece. And my husband, oh don't get me started. I don't think he'd be my husband after that. There's only so much I can forgive, and I'm having a hard enough time with that now. Good luck to you. The support here is the best in the world.

I am really sorry for your pain. Remember she should and will be feeling how will she ever face you, not the other way round.<BR>This is one situation where I believe there should be a face to face meeting. Hopefully your sister will install some sense , values and morals into her, and you can have it out<BR>civilly. Above all I hope they both apologise to you and soon. Yeesh that makes me mad!!<BR>

Lisa Lou,<P>I wouldn't count on your sister installing moral values to your niece at this point. After all, your niece is an adult with her own established values. What a horrible situation, like a lot of others including my own. You are in my prayers.<P>CD