Well, Cafe Woman was at the bar last night. I didn't go, because I thought my H was motioning me to go on home, but he went out to the bar for about 1-1/2.<P>He's SUPPOSED to leave if she's there, but apparently he now thinks that I believe he didn't have anything going on with her. Anyway, she apparently wants us to build a restaurant building on our property and lease it from us. <P>I do NOT want to do this. However, if I tell my H this, it will be a lovebuster, since my refusal to believe that there was nothing between them is a lovebuster. <P>Anyway, I am feeling somewhat "numb" or something since he told me this. I'm trying to accept that it's a good sign that he told me this; however, up until my meltdown last August (when I walked out on him), he was constantly bringing her up in conversation. <P>I've been thinking that since I am having tremendous trouble dealing with the dishonesty and lies over the years, the only way I will ever get the truth out of him is to let him go and do whatever he's gonna do and eventually catch him.<P>So, I'm going to keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open.<P>Another thing....H says that when he finishes the building we're currently building, he's going to our vacation home all by himself for a week. So, I guess I'll have to make sure Cafe Woman doesn't leave town at the same time.<P>I wish I could just say, "Honey, I really don't feel comfortable with you having any contact with Cafe Woman" without it escalating into a huge fight. It would be so nice if he could say, "Baby, I understand, and if I run into her anywhere, I'll leave right away."<P>That's really all I've ever asked of him, but his resentment over my insistence that he not go to her restaurant for lunch without me was so great that I finally told him that I would b%$^& at him if he did.<P>So, I'm hanging on....justing waiting to see what happens. But, I'm afraid.

Sweetpea, your request that he leave when he sees her is just that, a request from a wife to her husband. His resentment and refusal is something else.<P>So why is he going to the vacation home by himself...is there a reason the 2 of you couldn't go together? A least for part of the time. <P>Boy, my antenna goes up when actions & words don't line up...and actions/behavior are far more trustworthy. At the very least he is not showing you caring and respect. The irritating thing is you can't MAKE someone do the right thing.<P>I'm sorry you're in this situation again. If your gut is telling you something, you are right to keep your eyes wide open.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Hi, Lor,<BR> He says that he wants to go to our vacation home all by himself for a week so he can do just exactly what he wants without having to consider what other folks want. I can see his point, because almost everytime we've been up there, we've taken somebody with us...and they always want to go fishing for the whole day. My H likes to fish, but he really doesn't care about sitting in a boat on the river ALL day. And, I've never been a wife who resented her H taking some time away (although I sometimes think I'd be better off if I had been). He's been working very hard in the heat building our new building. He is pooped...the first actual "labor" type work that he's done in a few years. He's so pooped that our sex life has dwindled back down to 1x week. <P>I think that H initially decided to just "cool it" with Cafe Woman when I asked him if he was in love with someone else and later start back up again. I think all his ugly behavior toward me through most of '99 was because he was in withdrawal---and probably constantly being thrown back into it because of her close proximity. She also had a boyfriend from shortly after that until a few months ago. I keep wondering if she's decided to see if she can get him back. She was obviously very angry with him (and me) for quite a long time after I confronted H, so I suspect the boyfriend was more to shake up H, although she kept him around for a good long while. Another thing is that men do like her, yet I haven't heard of her going out with anyone lately. One of H's single friends would like to date her, but she apparently isn't interested in anything more than a "buddy" type relationship with him. I do know that she has gone with him on group outings, but not on actual dates. We haven't been invited on those group outings...perhaps because H's other friends don't want to put her and us in the same place? Yes, I'm sure they all know.<P>Well, I think I'll just have to sit back and say nothing this time. If he's going to start back up with her, then we'll see what happens from there. You can bet your boots, though, if she "disappears" the same week while he's gone, I'm going up there PRONTO!<P>I just feel very "resigned", if you know what I mean. I'm sad, angry, and fed up, too; but, I can't show it to him. I don't much feel like continuing Plan A, but I guess I'll stick it out until I see what happens.

I think you are wise in opening the cage, so to speak, after all, even if you chained him in the basement, you'd have to let him go free some day...probably. <P>You know, one of the oddest things about this reconciliation (hopefully the last!) with my H is that it doesn't bother me (ok, not much) when he leaves town for work or is just gone for a couple hours. I don't know if my anxiety button just wore out or if it is because at long last everything is right and in line. I prefer the latter thought.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Lor, it does bother me that H is again having contact with Cafe Woman, but I guess I've managed to numb myself...maybe learned to control my emotions after all this time?<P>Anyway, if she wants that damn building, she's gonna have to deal with ME! It may turn out to be WAY too expensive for her!!