Hi Everyone,<P>Hope your week-ends are going okay and this "Thing" we're all going thru isn't getting you too down.<P>In some earlier conversations with my H during discovery, he kept saying I couldn't change, that .... what is that saying? A leopard never changes his spots.<P>I feel people can change if they desire it and they can make their lives better because of it. There are things about myself that I want to change and I feel I've made a little headway, but just because I feel the change doesn't mean I really have.<P>I'd like to know what you all think about people being able to REALLY change. If they can change their attitude and outlook, hence change their responses and reactions, a real fundamental difference in the way they handle issues and live their life. A permanent new mind-set.<P>Jo<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

People absolutely can change. It happens every day. You have to set your mind to it and work at it. It is easier for some people than others, but it is definitely possible for people to change.<P>And, if your husband is anything like mine, he can believe that the OW can change from being a disgusting pig, but that I cannot possibly change - back into someone I used to be, no less (slug has NEVER had an ounce of class)... go figure!<P>they ARE crazy, you know.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>Ralph Waldo Emerson

You should hear the discussions we have on this one.<P>I'm a social worker, so I guess I have a vested interest in the belief that people can change.<P>Based on hundreds of people I have seen, people have the ability to change. What most people don't have is the desire, knowledge, perserverence (sp), or a combination of the three to do the work needed to actually make the change. <P>Not that I am knocking anyone for having (or not having) what it takes. Change is very hard work. Probably the hardest thing a human being can do.<P>

I believe people can change, because I feel that *I* have changed. My husband also says he doesn't think people can change. We are at the soon-after-discovery phase ourselves.<P>When I first found out about his fling, I was first hurt, then angry. I kept asking God why He was allowing this to happen. What was wrong with my husband? Couldn't he understand that we have a commitment to each other? <P>Now I'm sad. Why? Because God has opened my eyes to what I've been doing that drove my H away. I was a chronic LBer, and poor at fulfilling his ENs. I was so concerned about my own needs being met, I treated my H like crap.<P>Now, my husband wants a divorce and I want another chance -- a chance to show him that I *have* changed. He works long hours and sometimes out of town so he used to call me late at night after I was in bed -- I would get annoyed, so he quit calling. I would give anything if he would call me now. I wouldn't care what time of day or night it was. There are, unfortunately, many other ways that I dumped on him. I've been a fool.<P>When this first happened I thought God was trying to get my H attention. Now I realize He was trying to get mine. If only I cold get that chance, I would never treat him badly again. Even, if I never get that chance, I will be forever changed by this. I've learned a painful lesson.<P>Love and Prayers, KristyAnn

People CAN change IF THEY WANT TO. Those who say otherwise are using that as an excuse not to. It is hard, but not impossible.

Oh yeah they can change! Resiliaent, at one time I thought I had married Satan. H was very very abusive. Now I dont think that would cross his mind..<P>Print this out!<P>Believe in Yourself<P>Believe in Yourself-<BR>in the power you have<BR>to control your own life, day by day,<BR>Believe in the strength<BR>that you have deep inside,<BR>and your faith will help<BR>show you the way.<P>Believe in tommorrow<BR>and what it will bring-<BR>let a hopeful heart carry you through,<BR>For the things will work out<BR>if you trust and believe<BR>there's no limit<BR>to what you can do.<BR> Emily Matthews<P><BR>I know that liffe is hell for you right now! Just hang in there. Remember the saying "If you love someone set them free, if thye dont come back they were never meant to be"<BR>Hang on to that. Just find the faith gal!!!<P>Prayers<BR>Renee<BR>

something I have been trying to get my family to understand for a long time is change. I believe that if you really want to change you can, but it is very hard. It is hard to break habits, long life beliefs. But if you truly want to God will provide the will power for you to do so. I pray for the Holy Spirit to hover over me, whispering in my ear when those old habits try to creep back in...he!!, scream at me if necessary!! I never want to see that creepy person I became when my taker took over.<P>The hard part is we all tend to see the things that others need to change. We believe that we can change them or that they should change overnight. We all know how hard it is if we want to change something in our life, stop smoking, lose weight, etc. yet we believe the other person should just stop dead in their tracks...<P>Life is funny. We all affect every person we come into contact with. If we could all understand that the quickest way to change someone else, is to change one thing that we do. Once that happens, the other person has to change.<P>God is good. Lay your bad habits at His feet and ask the Holy Spirit to be your guide. You will be amazed at how easily your life can turn around. <P>Be blessed today...

Hi Resilient,<P>We change all the time? Are you the same person when you were three, nine, ninteen even. NO we learn and grow. Hence, we change.<P>Maybe your husband does not want to change. I know I have changed due to all the affairs. I have learned and grown from what I have learned about myself.<P>Just ask him than if he likes and does all the same things he did when he was twelve. I am sure that has changed. Maybe get him talking via that route.