I guess I have too much time on my hands. I imaging my H talking to his sons when their old enough to understand things, here's how it goes:<P>OC #1: Dad, who is Resilient? <P>H: Resilient is my wife of 20 years.<P>OC #1: Well then how come you kiss and hug and sleep with my mom?<P>H: Well, I love your mom, she is my girlfriend.<P>OC #1: Do you love Resilient?<P>H: Yes, but in a different way.<P>OC #1: Oh, you love mom and Resilient, who is your wife, but you sleep w/my mom. Hmmm. Do you love OC #2's mom too?<P>H: Well, yes, but in a different way. See, I love everybody.<P>OC #1: How come OC #2 is your son too but you didn't marry his mom and you didn't marry my mom? How come you married Resilient but she doesn't have kids? And how come you don't live w/Resilient if she's your wife?<P>H: Well, it's complicated. A man has to do what a man has to do. You'll see what I mean when you get older.<P>OC #1: Yeah, when I get older ... so I can be married and have girlfriends just like you with lots of OCs ... then I'll be happy too, just like you Dad. It's good to LOVE everybody, right Dad? You're my Hero.<P>H: Lets ride our bikes and not talk son. Too much talking.<P>J<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 20, 2000).]

I have two half brothers who are OCs. They don't have these types of conversations. They don't want to know. It is too embarassing, too humiliating. I think they know that if the H stays with his wife, his mom was just a whore, and they don't want to go there.<P>I think they also feel rejected enough. The OCs aren't going to risk hearing something they don't want to hear by asking questions like that. "I wasn't around because you are an embarassment. I wasn't around because I had another family. I didn't want you, but your mother insisted on having you without my consent..." What might they hear if they knew the truth?<P>I know not all families with OCs are like this, but can you imagine what goes on in THEIR heads?

What an example to set for boys huh? I grew up with 2 guys who's Dad used to tell them (when we were in high school) "There's nothing wrong with cheating on your W if you don't get caught" I bet they are paragons of virtue nowdays. I think Popeye is right though about not having theses conversations out loud (though I'm sure they think it). I have a friend who is an OC (her father is dead now) and she has barely asked her Mom anything about the situation.