I am sure this has been posted before.. but wiht the other forum down and i cnanot seem to be anything but a hacker these days!! lol<P>Okay.. all seriousness here.<BR>How do we as the betrayer reassure the bs?<P>I know the affection, love, ect ect, but what about other things?<P>I find that every move i make is suspicous and he admits to not having the ability to know how to move on..<P>I do notleave the house I thot that was reassureance.....<P>HELP!!!!!!<P>mercy

As a BS all I can say is that it takes time. Do you best and openly communicate all the time. Good Luck. <BR>

Mercy, <P>Just open up and communicate. Think about it, are you really opening up?<P>I know your story. You have done great! We ahve all slipped on occasion :P.<P>You just keep praying! Put it in Gods hands. You know he will takae care of it. Just pray that he put peace upon H heart.<P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

I know that time and communication is very important but what else?<P>H admits to having some real problems trying to get over this situation..<P>hmmmmmm<P>mercy

It takes time. In addition to having NO unaccounted for time, being reachable at all times etc., verbal reassurance is great. Fro the first 3 months my H was back home I kept waiting for him to freak out at anytime and leave again. Even though he was being really sweet I kept waiting for that other shoe to drop. He kept telling me though how stupid he was for leaving, how sorry he was and that he would never leave again unless I physically threw him out (which actually for awhile I think he thought I might do). It was tough but with time it got a lot better. Now he can actually go to the gas station without me immediately conjuring up visions of him calling the OW lol.

It has been almost 5 mos since my H discovered I betrayed him. I have tried everything I know how to make it up to him and reassure him that I am sorry and that I will be here for only him.<P>Something happened this week and I think it made a lot of difference. I have realized I have held back a lot thinking that he was not ready for some things. One night he told me that I was moving too fast with the notes, the cards, the I love yous. But then he told me at other times they are just what he needs. <P>This week is my last week in CA with my husband and then I go home to wait for his return, which in all likeliness may take more than a month. I decided to pull out all the stops and show him how special he is to me.<P>Yesterday, when he arrived home from work, I undressed him and led him to a warm bath and jumped in sarong and all and washed him up. I wrapped him in a warm towel right out of the dryer and led him to our bed and gave him a drink and some grapes and draped another warm towel over him while I rubbed him from head to toe, clipped his nails and then rubbed cream into his cuticles...<P>I put a Celine Dion cd on and two songs came on that we had listened to a lot while we were initially trying to work things out. He became upset and I asked him if he wanted me to stop...he said no.<P>Then I told him I had a special song I wanted to sing to him and asked him if he was up for it. He said yes. I sang "I want you to need me" and he pulled me into his arms.<P>We made love and then I made a quick supper and headed out for a local casino...we laughed and enjoyed each other and he even pulled me onto his lap and we snuggled while playing the slot machines.<P>I stopped holding back and was given hope that we will work this out. <P>Don't stop trying - the results will make you glow once again. In the meantime I will pray for us both...