I just wonder...<BR>Given the fact that we have 16 absolutely happy and perfect years, how could we explain that HE gives up his family, leaves us, rejects his kids, his wife, his perfect sexual, social, proffecional and so on life, sells his car, leaves his home and goes on a ... how to say... free wheel (I've already apologized for my English, sorry). And all this - due to a woman he had seen 3 or 4 times or so during the last year!!! He has a "Phone Love" - isn't it ridiculous?<BR>All this is accompanied with an enormous anger towards us, unwillingness to collaborate even on trivial occasions, irritation even aggresion. <BR>We've been separated for weeks and at the begining of these weeks we had some wonderful moments, but than he was frightened or so to be happy with us ... or... I don't know what exactly happened to him and he became other person - cruel, trying to hurt us nethertheless. All our recent meetings have finished dramatically - and this was not due to us. All of us - I and the kids have always been absolutely friendly - following Plan A, meeting his percieved EN and you know.<BR>And today he phoned me only to share the following great idea - to separate the kids as well - the daughter - to me - and the son - to him and OW (when she arrives to leave with him. By the way, she's married too, and has her own 8-years son).<BR>He was a man with a common sense and a great sense of responsibility. What happened to him. And I wonder how could I help him, if I could at all...Probably - it is a case of a manic-depressive disorder or how could I know?

Sybille: It sounds a little like what happened to me. We were very happily married for over 17 years when one day out of the blue, my husband announced he was sick of looking at me and wanted out of the marriage. Two weeks later he met and began an affair with OW.<P>My husband had a mid-life crisis. On top of that he was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, is manic depressive and an alcoholic with suicidal tendencies.<P>I loved my husband back home. It was before I found this place, the MB Forum. But, I instinctively threw myself into Plan A and loved him home. We were seperated for six weeks and then he severed all contact with OW and was in withdrawal for five months.<P>My husband also impregnated the OW and she had a child a year ago, so we deal with that fallout as well.<P>the shock of the OW getting pregnant and making hard demands on my husband was also a catalyst in his coming home. If this wouldn't have happened, he may have stayed with her longer. <P>The bipolar/manic illness causes people to display reckless behavior, behave heartlessly and cruelly to people they professed to love and vowed to protect. They spend money wildly, display grandiose behavior and detach themselves from family and friends. <P>The MB Principles that Steve Harley has developed work so very well for so many here. Take the time to study and understand the steps to recovery and reconcilliation. Start with Plan A and stay with it as long as you can...out OW the OW.<P>Good luck, Sybille...I am so sorry you are going through this horror.<P>Catnip =^^=

Sybille, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar boat. However, my initial plan A after finding this site didn't work. My H's OW is a close worker (also married with 2 kids.)<P>He moved out....plan a was working, she moved out. things got worse, things got physical...now we are heading for a D.<P>My H's is also a big MLC... he just hasn't come through the tunnel yet. When he does he will find his life gone. He is currently reliving our relationship down to the first date. He is doing all the same things as he did with me, without the responsibility.<P>I know this from OP's H. <P>My H has also been incredibly grandiose, cruel, cold and just plain weird. He is lying all the time. <P>I agree with catnip. The program here can really work. You really have to watch the LB's. <P>However, I also suggest that you go to the Michele Weiner Davis site because she has a forum just for MLC. <P>You will find countless similar stories there. MLC is usually a MLdepression. I know my H is depressed. He looks it, acts it, and from what I can tell from OP's H acts that way with her...always complaining about something. What i see when he looks at his children is him looking at his own failures. It is all very sad and very hard to deal with.<P>Plan A is a great way to start. Hopefully someone here will be able to give you the links to the info on Plan A.<P>I had some great advice from someone whose H did a similar thing. she said that alot of MLC issues have to do with control.<P>What I noticed when I tried to control my life, my H got mad and then admitted A and now he is "in love".<P>Now that I am sort of indiffernt again I find him trying to control the whole situation even down to who he gets when (kids) sort of like your H. They are pretty irrational which makes it hard. It is much better to have the children together. Find a child counselor or have your H find one and get advice. The counselor will tell him that I'm sure. Let a third party do it for you. There is NO WAY you can even begin to control this situation. You cannot make them SEE!!! It is so frustrating. <P>I will pray that you are able to stay strong and have faith in what will be the most devastating thing that will happen in your life.<P>Just remember...This is your life too. You can take care of yourself and children and still show your H love. It will take more patience than you could ever imagine. You may learn to find some when you didn't think you could (like me).<P>comeing here to vent and get advice will become therapy for you. A counselor for you may help as well. It is a rough ride as you will find, but I am overwhelmed at the wonderful support you will find here!!!<P>Plan A, and read read read!!!!!