Hi guys,<BR>Thanks again for your supports...<BR>Ok, here's an update.<BR>Yesterday H called. I asked him if he read my e-mail and he didn't yet. So I said he should and then he said because I sounded upset, so I didn't want to see him on Monday. So I told him I wrote everything on my e-mail.<P>Today he called and he didn't think my e-mail was LBing at all.. actually he said it was a good letter and I was right. Then I started LBing big time, then H said if I wanted to talk about that kind of things he didn't want to talk to me. I didn't let him hung up and I kept going then he became very diffenssive and I got so mad so I hung up.<P>Later he called(while I was crying at my SIL) and left a message and saying he was sorry, also he said to call. So I did. I told how I felt more calmly and he started to cry. I asked about divorce and at the end he admitted he didn't want to let me go. But he's seeing OW and in my mind even if we are separated I can't start looking for someone while I'm married so I said that and he knew and he imagined about me seeing someone and he couldn't stand it. He told me he often thinks about me. So I told him I believe actions more than words.<P>He even said sometimes he wants to quit everything and wants to come home... I was very surprised to hear that.<P>Later he came to take his stuff which I left outside of the door. He wanted to come in and we talked a little. He wanted to see me tomorrow, so I said for what. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea, because everytime he sees me he has to be reminded about all of the pains and he breaks down. Then he has to go through withdrawl all over again. He cried again(me too) and he thanked me for loving him which he didn't deserve, so I said he deserved and he was just screwed up and confused. We hugged each other and cried more. I said I hoped he would get help soon. <P>He brought his stuff to downstairs(his B was helping him) and he came back to bring his last 2 stuff from here, he asked me again about tomorrow so I said I really didn't think it was good idea. I asked him how he thought and he said it was very hard for him. Finally he said he would let me know when he gets some help.<BR>And we kissed, he said he loves me and he left.<P>It's still hard when I see him he's the person I know and I realize I still love him but then as soon as we are apart he does hurtful things(for him to be happy--which it doesn't make him). I can't continue the same thing over and over. He has to grow up and I have to let him go. If we are meant to be together maybe we will be together again. Then we'll be able to have a much better relationship.. if not, we will find someone we deserve and be happy.<P>I still want to see him tomorrow but I know that won't do anything.. so I won't. I already miss him and I have to feel this for a long time.. because now I really ended it. I just pray that he will get help soon, so he can be happy about himself..<P>Now I have to go through the withdraw..<BR>And I'm very sad right now...<P>Meg

Meg,<P>Man, another crappy day. I'm sorry.<P>Your so strong, how did you ever do that. I break down and say yes.<P>I'm just blown away that he said he thinks about coming home. Has he ever said that before?<P>Looks like you've introduced tough love. He now has to think about what is really important to him. I hope he gets help soon.<P>My H said a couple times that he was a sick sick man. But now he thinks he's just fine cuz he straightened out this whole thing by leaving. So he's not a sick man anymore, he's a separated sick man (trying to be funny).<P>Haven't you guys been separated since April, Meg. If I remember right you and I have been separated the same amount of time.<P>So are you going to do anything legal? Or are you just going to move on with your life and take care of you and proceed like you are not waiting for him?<P>Thanks for telling me I'm not alone, if you need me I'm here for you Meg. I have three kitties too. But they haven't been much comfort when I need to talk.<P>This was a rough day today, huh? You should take a hot bath and pamper yourself. Go get a pedicure and body massage, you deserve to treat yourself special. Thats what we have to do for ourselves because no one else will do it.<P>I'll be on the board off and on most of the evening.<P>Thank you again for being there for me Meg. I value your friendship.<P>Jo<P>

Darn it Meg. I wanted to re-read your post with the email to your H but it's not on this new board. It's on GQ #I. I wish I had access to it. I wanted to read what you wrote him again.<P>I know you're hurting right now. But I do know you're strong enough to make it thru this. You said the right thing to him about words -vs- actions. It's so easy to say I LOVE YOU with nothing backing it up. My H says it regularly just to keep me hanging I think. It almost pisses me off when he says it because I think those words are precious and not to be used to manipulate. I know he still loves me, but with this kinda love I think I'd rather be hated.<P>Meg, have you told your H about MB and this board and the books? Is he willing to read one? Ask him, maybe he'll read it. It's worth a try. I gave my H SAA and every so often I mention it and ask if he's read it. He still hasn't but I'm praying he will.<P>I'm gonna go outside and move the sprinklers for a few and I'll be back in a bit.<P>Don't be sad Meg. I'm here. Hug up your kitty. <BR>Jo<P>

Meg-<P>Darn-reading this thread got me feeling pretty darned sad too. Every time I read about someone's pain it brings the past 15 months right back to my face and I feel everything all over again. The down side is I think we have to feel those emotions as a way of beginning the healing process. I am so sorry you are sad.<P>When I feel sad I also feel alone. I hope you will read this carefully and remember that there are people that are thinking about you and sending positive thoughts to you.<P>Hang in there. Truly I can't imagine the pain of parting can be any worse than the pain of the ups and downs that we betrayed have to go through. I believe the hardest part is the actual decision making and setting in to action those big plans that we so wish we didn't have to make <P>I am sorry-very sorry that you are hurting right now.<P>Take care and know you have a friend here!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Meg,<P>Are you there. Can you post to us and tell us how you're doing? I'm just worried about you.<P>You were so kind to be there for me and post to me today when you have so much going on yourself. Telling your H this today must have been such a hard thing to do. Love sure can hurt us.<P>I'll be here for a while if you post something, okay?<P>Jo

MF:<P>I've been where you are and I know it hurts. We're locked into an emotional relationship with someone who continues to hurt us because he allowed himself to get involved with someone else and continues to cling to that idolized relationship.<P>He may cry and say how bad he is, but he continues to do what he wants to do. And we stay in the situation because we love them, hoping for them to change, until we can stand it no longer and have to take a stand for ourselves.<P>I don't really think any work can be done on repairing a broken marriage until the WS has laid the A to rest. To continue to expend love on an unreceptive partner is emotionally depleting. It is understandable that you can only continue this for a limited amount of time. I certainly admire those individuals who can continue to Plan A for 12 to 15 months, but I think they are the exception and not the rule.<P>So the time comes when the only thing to do is to begin to let go...if the right foundation has been laid with Plan A then you can let go and feel that you have done your best and it's all in his hands now.<P>Rest well now and let God take care of your H. You done your job and now it's his turn.<P>Buffy

Hi,<BR>I have to leave for a work soon so I can't write much right now but I just want to say Thank you for your supports.<BR>I went to bed early yesterday so I couldn't respond. The feeling I have is not too bad.. at least I have peace of mind. I'm not in between anymore..<BR>I will write more when I come back.<BR>Thanks again,<BR>Meg

Meg, I think you are doing the right thing. Just because you have put your foot down doesn't mean its over for good. You by doing that have let him know that it is no longer just his choice its yours to.<P>I know how much you hurt. I have pretty much done the same thing also and I hurt very much, but like you I finally feel like maybe I have some control over the situation. <P>Jill