I really wish I was ready to let him in on all this. I think that he would get alot out of it, yet this is kind of a safe haven for me. Kind of selfish isn't it? I have been truthful with him about what I have been thinking and what is on my mind, yet I feel that I may be a little more open in how I explain things to the others on this board. I would really like to let him see the last three posts from me because they are completely from my heart. I feel that in the past few days I have been withdrawing from him, and I know that he has felt it too. He really is trying to respect my feelings and since I have been pretty private lately, I don't think he knows what to do. he is home, and not in contact with her except to deal with paternity and child support, and I believe that he is totally committed to to me now and repairing our marriage.<p>[This message has been edited by Not Giving Up (edited August 21, 2000).]

NGU:<P>Perhaps you would like to post on Pregnancy/ Child for any OC related issues...all of us there are in the same boat as you are.<P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip: thanks for the suggestion. We are doing an at home Paternity test that my H got off the internet. The OW has already sent her sample in. My H is doing his tomorrow. Once I find out once and for all it is his, and I really don't have any doubt, I will visit. See you soon!

Not Giving Up<P>The very first time I read one of your post I thought my W had changed her name and was posting under yours. Everything you have said here I have heard from her. It appears your H and I are feeling the same things also.<P>One thing that peppermint and I did last November was come here together. I was able to read others post and understand the impact of what I had done. I was in the same situation as your H, in that I didn't understand what she was feeling and therefore didn't know what to do.<P>Yes this place is a safe haven, FOR ALL OF US. But I have been honest with my W and I feel like I can write here what my true feeling are and not worry about being second guessed by her. She told me she was not going to post for awhile and let me freely come here to help myself. I have said in many post over the past couple of weeks that a betrayer must fix themself before they can mend a broken marriage. I believe that.<P>This is a decision that you must make yourelf to let your H read on this site. But, it has helped me and I do believe when he reads what comes from your heart, you will see the love that he has for you come pouring out. I do not read all of peppermint's post here, but those that I have read are honest and from her heart. How can I ever be offended by the truth?<P>Keep in touch please and let me know if and when you H comes here. Good luck and my best wishes to you and your H....fs<p>[This message has been edited by firestorm (edited August 22, 2000).]

not giving up,<P>i told my husband about this forum about 3 weeks after i had come here. I liked my safe haven here. but i found that i was tending to say more here and not enough in the marriage. <P>When I did tell him about this forum, i told him that he was more than welcome to read my posts.... it did help him a lot... i am a writer better than a talker. I can get my feelings out on paper(cyber paper ) better tahn talking. During the times of absolute emotional turmoil it was easier to come here and then read the post to my hsuband or tell him to please read it. It was better than screaming and yelling at each other.<P>But, I did tell him that what he read here might hurt. and at times it did. my "true" feelings for OM were at times very hard to bear for him. But, it opened doors that other wise might have stayed shut. Like admitting i had feelings for OM. That was so damned hard to admit to myself never mind to my husband. After i was able to admit on paper, i repeated it to myself and died!! emotionally. But....... it was no longer a secret and when the enemy is revealed.... you can heal... does that make sense?<P>I do not know you, i haven't read any of your posts yet.... but.... be assured that peppermint and firestorm are wonderful advice and eye opening people. They both have really jsut helped my husband and i a lot.<P>God bless,<BR>mercy<P>**I can do all things through Him who strenghtens me** Phil 4:13

I too, am a person who is much better at the written word than talking. I just don't think things thru before I say them. I am really going think about inviting him here. It would probally be a good idea.<BR>Firestrom: I will let you know when I am able to do this. Is your wife going to be posting again? If so please let me know. I would love to hear any insight on how she is dealing with all this,especially my last two posts,"Searching my heart...A hard decision."<BR>and "What are the signs". Thanks for all the help and concern.<p>[This message has been edited by Not Giving Up (edited August 22, 2000).]