My wife and I have been seperated for about 5-6 weeks now and over the thanskgiving weekend I caught her in bed with a co-op from work. She was very reactive the day she was found out and said she wanted to move back in to work on things, but becuase I didn't convey excitement she was turned "off" so to speak, but I explained to her that I have been trying my [censored] off to prove to her I want her back the whole time but she ignored me while she enjoyed her time away, and with happened that morning how could I be happy about it. Sure forgiveness for something like that may be very hard but there's something about her that I cannot let her go, even after getting served divorce papers last night. If I was perfect or not guilty of anything she wouldn't have left, but I am reading the 'his needs, her needs'. I'm in counseling, she is now after being found out but it seems she's only focusing on herself only. I vowed to her to give me another chance so I could make her the happiest woman alive ... she's obviously reluctant. I'm now offering to agree on a plan to where she would get her own apartment to discover herself and we would work on our marriage too. At the end of March '00 we make a choice about her moving back in. She just seems very repulsed by me and continuing on with our marriage.<BR>Am I crazy or what for trying my butt off like I am ? Some great advice would help.

bada,<P>Welcome, I haven't seen you here before, or maybe I have and didn't realize it. I've had a pretty rough time lately. But enough about me.<P>My advice to you:<P>Do not sign the papers unless <B>you</B> want the divorce. That will buy you some time to work on things. <P>You're doing right with your reading and counseling. Keep up the good work there.<P>Are you a spiritual man? If so, Pray like crazy. If not, channel some positive thoughts into your marriage and try (which is hard) to be loving no matter what she does.<P>Best wishes.<P>~Sheryl<P><P>------------------<BR>A liberated woman is one who feels confident in herself,and is happy in what she is doing. She is a person who has a sense of self... -Betty Ford, b.1939

Boy, did that bring back some memories. When my W had her affairs I went trough some of the same things you are experiencing. I felt the same that I was the one who was busting my A** trying to make our relationship work, while she was out with the OM doing god knows what. <P> Prior to just moving out of the state, I was trying to do the same thing as you I got her an apartment and was going to just back of so she could get what ever it was out of her system, and then we would try and reconcile sometime in the future (lost some bucks on that one!). I told her that I was going to make everything better, and do my best to make sure she was never unhappy again.<P> To me also, my W was being very selfish, but I think for her at least she was having a hard time with what she did, and felt that she had already gone to far to come back. You need to give her some space to clear her mind, but not so much that she thinks that you have given up on her. Show her you still love her ( with No "Love Busters")don't let her forget that.<P> No, you are not crazy for doing what you are doing.<P> Both of us are together now and doing well, 3-4 months of hell was worth that <P>Good luck, wish you the best<P>Jason

unseen2 & new_beginning,<BR>I appreciate the responses to my question. Unseen2 I can see we have something in common, but new-Beginning I get the feeling you're all for the woman discovering herself. I agree all people must discover to be strong and confident, but I hope she doesn't get too "cocky." Thanks both if you, unseen2 I hope my situation works out like yours.<BR>Merry Xmas both of you.<BR>thanks again.<BR>