Beware, short rant follows:<P>Now that it looks as if we may be working on working on things, I'm just tired.<P>We spent a lot of time together (14 years). Never once, in all that time, did she initiate a conversation about our relationship. As a matter of fact, it was (and is) like pulling teeth to get her to talk about it at all.<P>So now, as we come to the possible end of the irresponsibility tour, I have still have to initiate the conversations. And I'm tired of it. I want some of my needs met. I want her to do some work for a change. I want her to think about the kid's school, how to pay the bills, and all that other stuff that she has relinquished for the past 6 months.<P>It is very hard to plan A when I feel like this.<P>Is this normal? Any help through this would be appreciated.<P>Thanks<P>Brian

Unfortunately I don't have any answers for you, but would like to see some feedback on this issue too. How do you handle someone who simply refuses to discuss feelings? How do you deal with someone who thinks that love just magically "happens"? <P>I think we are all here because we understand (or are starting to) that marriage, commitment, and getting to "til death do you part" takes some real skill. We read each other's posts, we read books, we try to implement "policies", and do what we can to keep the relationship growing, stable, and happy, but what happens if you have a partner who just doesn't believe in that? What do you do with someone who believes that "happily ever after" happens just because? What do you do with someone who thinks that if love is work, it isn't love?

Brian,<P>You know if it looks like you two are going to try again, why not try honesty. <P>Tell her you love her, you would like to make it work, but you are very very tired from the efforts of the past 6 months. Quite simply, you need help here. <P>If she wants to help rebuild and take care of the family, then you will do your best. If she wants you to do all of the heavy lifting, then it isn't going to work no matter how much you love her.<P>I don't know if she would be receptive to this, but it is honest, it is what you feel, and it isn't a love buster (no accusations).<P>Just a thought.<P>JL

I just had this conversation with our counselor - I'M TIRED!<P>I asked him, 'Isn't there something my husband wants to say to me? Isn't there some explanation or reason he wants me to know about why he did this? I'm tired of asking all of the questions - especially since he chooses not to answer them. "<P>I know how you feel..... J<P>

I have always done the lions share of the work in our house because I was the at-home mom. I did the Xmas shopping for the rest of the family, I clean, well you KNOW. My H was spoiled as a child too, he agreed to that, and he was the type to ONLY notice when things were NOT done, not when things were done. <P>I have always been the one to push him to talk to me about his displeasure and his emotions, and what was wrong. This is before I knew about the A; this is even before he had the A. He clammed up a long time ago. So, as much as I did to hurt him(my imagination is running wild) and didn't fulfill his needs, he abandoned me emotionally a long time ago. He never made the effort to tell me what I should change or even that he was unhappy(I had to see it for myself.) I just got more and more bitter as the years went on, because my EN were far from being met. Where was the mature man I married? He had turned into a sulking child; and I treated him like one.<P>Still venting, I guess. See "Deterioration."