I am pretty sure I know the answer to this,but I don't want to accept it.<BR>My H is a workaholic (supposed to be going<BR>to counseling for this, but forgot last week). In January, I found out about email<BR>relationships. Since then, its been down, and more downhill. I can forgive him talking to other women on the internet, (I think), but the more I asked for reassurance<BR>or for him to quit working so much and to start spending time with me & kids, the more<BR>he worked. I have told him at this stage,<BR>8 months later, that I need him to start our<BR>discussions, and come up with a plan, or in<BR>other ways, show he is even thinking about<BR>coming up with solutions, or !!trying!! at<BR>all. All of our talks in 8 months have been<BR>me talking, and him listening, and saying he<BR>doesn't know what to say. 3 days ago, he swore he was going to try, and then the next<BR>day, he "forgot" to tell me he was going to <BR>work 3 1/2 extra hours at work. He IS at work,by the way. 2 weeks ago, he left for a week to "think". He came home ( I let him)<BR>with no answers about what we can do to start<BR>this over again. He has nothing to say.<BR>I am at the end. It doesn't sound to me like he is even trying. Says he doesn't want a divorce, doesn't want to lose me,etc., but<BR>I have had the total opposite of reassurance.<BR>Any ideas?<BR>Jessica

I rather doubt this is alot of help, but...<P>His behavior reminds me of myself before my W left. Her schedule was somewhat opposite of mine, in part due to her long distace runs training. So, knowing I would not see her for a few hours after I went home, I found darts and ale.<BR>She tried to re-adjust her schedule so I would get home just after she did, but my routine was set. This was never totally discussed, two big egos, and she never warned that she was concidering leaving. <P>I had no tools to use during her withdraw, though coming home before her was the first change I made. <P>My big sis just rolled her eyes when I said that I thought she would always be there or come home after work. Maybe a jolt like I wish to this day I would have gotten will get things moving. See if he doesn't think you will always be there at home, waiting. It is the complacancy of home he may be used to. I would like to have had the warning. If I only had it to do all over again.<BR> <BR>The OM must have really sold her on him. This woman was not immoral, but why she would trust a just divorced, again, man I can't imagine. It all started as "friends" running, training together. <BR>If I had had the materials I see on this site, we may be in recovery by now.<BR>TALK.<P>rrunrr<P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

thanks for your reply.<BR>I printed a copy of my post and your post,<BR>along with one other that applies, and gave it to my husband this morning. We'll see if<BR>this strikes a note.<BR>Thanks<BR>Jessica

Jessica,<P>Have you become totally familiar with the site yet? Reading and learning the Harley principles is a big help.<P>Also, if you're printing things off of the site, print an Emotional Needs worksheet. Learning what makes your partner feel loved can help your marriage tremendously. Ask anybody in here, if you can get your H to even look at that sheet, you're on your way. I would also recommend counseling since it seems like there are some honesty issues.<P>Best of luck - keep posting and keep learning!<P>Ali

Thanks for your post.<BR>I did print the questionaire and we will go<BR>over it together. I have read the Basic Concepts and it seems like we might make some progress. <BR>Thanks<BR>Jessica