I am devastated! She showed up at my house today. I was totally unaware. I feel so stupid. H just stood there looking sheepish! He says he wants to stay with me. What do I believe? She has been calling on the phone all afternoon. Good God all the obscenities she is using! All she wants is to talk to my H but she is calling me names I've never heard before. Do I call the cops or what? Someone help me, I don't know what to do! I'm afraid of what she is going to do. She is totally whacko! I'm scared!

calling the cops may be a good Idea. if she calls dont answer the phone. Tell your husband to answer and tell her to syop yhis nonsense.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Heartlove,<P>Get a restraining order and call the phone company and report the harassing phone calls. She thought she would lay her cards on the table and force the issue of your H choosing her or you. She's banking on you throwing your H out so she can be there for him--don't do it.<P>It sounds like your H has dumped her and wants to stay with you. Get this OW out of your life first and then you and your H have a lot of work to do to rebuild your marriage. It can be done and you can have a better, stronger marriage than before if you and your H practice the Harley principles on this website.<P>My H & I are 9 months into recovery (H was the betrayer) and we are doing great.<P>I don't have a lot of time to give you details, but I'm sure others here will respond and give you good advice and encouragement.<P>Hang in there--I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thanks so much for answering! My H has talked to her once and told her to leave him alone. She has continued to call. I haven't answered the phone for the past couple hours but she is leaving obscene messages. I can't believe this is happening to me. She really believes that he is leaving me for her. She is telling me things that have happened like she has been aware of my family business for years. My H is like in some kind of a zone! He is in some kind of shock. He says he has been trapped for so long its unbelievable. I just called my Pastor and he says to just stay put. This is a living nightmare. How could I of been so stupid and not known this was going on?

Welcome <B>heartlove</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>You are not.. "stupid and not known this was going on..."! You were decieved... and we're here to help!<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! As a betrayed... once this thing wit the OW calms down a bit... start working immediately on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>We can give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Do protect yourself... your H... your family!<BR>(espcialy from this crazed OW!)<BR>DO come here often!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Everyone, Thank You, <P>Yes, Crazed OW is a perfect definition. How could anyone be so evil? I don;t even know her and she is calling me names and telling me things that only a very close person could do. She is tellig me things about the relationship she has with my H that I can't believe. She really knows him like I thought I was the only one who knew him that way. God in heaven, how did this go on before my eyes? I need some advice. I will call the cops in the morning if this continues. I love this man. how could he do this to me?

heartlove,<P>As you read... read... read...<BR>you will most likely learn that the problem isn't just this crazed OW....<P>It is your H.... <B>and</B>... you!<P>No offense here... but marital problems are not just always onesided! Take some time to reflect... after you grieve... after the flood of other emotions hit you...!<P>There will also come a time when... unless your H starts a withdrawal from OW and recovery...you may be saying of <B>your H</B> "How could anyone be so evil?"<P>Do get the book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley... immediately... after calling the police!<P>Learn alot... a few quotes to ponder...<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The path that leads to recovery is very narrow, and unless couples find that path, the tragedy of an affair can permanently cripple a marriage and often lead to the further tragedy of divorce. (page 10 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The power of unmet emotional needs explains why people are willing to give up their spouses as well as their chilren, careers, and beliefs to have their <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> met. (page 31 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An affair is a very powerful addiction. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...please... read... post... reply <B>often</B>! With the holiday season fast approaching... you'll need all the emotional support you can get! Get it here first... counseling is good too!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

NSR,<P>Can you believe my H is actually sleeping, talk about escape. I sit here crying my eyes out and he is sleeping. Maybe I'm in shock and not just him. I don't know what to do. I've got to go to work tomorrow and just how is tha tgoing to happen? Christmas, Yah, and just how is that going to happen. Life has all of a sudden gone on hold. I'm not sure where reality starts and nightmare begins. Its all a blurr..... My son is sitting at the top of the driveway right now in his car protecting me from anything the OW might do. I really am scared. I am a strong believer but this is beyond anything I ever thought I would have to go through. Yes, I will read the material you mentioned. Right now I just want to fly away.......

Heartlove,<P>First of all big hugs and welcome. By the grace of God you have landed at the best place you can be right now.<P>I have no better advise than what was already given. We have all been there one way or another. This is an insidious disease and it spares no one. It has no prejudices and can strike when we least expect it.<P>Stay put is right. Your pastor is right on. I wouldn't wait to call police or the phone company. If she is leaving messages she is really stupid. Don't delete them and if you have a tape in that machine save it.<P>Husband choosing to stay with you is the best thing that can happen. <P>Tomorrow I will post again and let you know how it went here. <P>You probably won't sleep tonight and your husband might. Mine can always sleep no matter what is happening. Go figure. If you find yourself up and alone then read all you can on this site and the posts. Search and search some more. Order the book.<P>First though pray and pray hard. That is the best and biggest thing that works. The hand of God is your best weapon and allied force.<P>Will be praying for you. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

heartlove,<P>If you are like every other betrayed...<BR>you will not sleep tonight...<BR> <BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>heartlove</B>}}}}}}}}}}... that's a cyber hug!<P>Get used to them...<BR>They come in really handy!!!! <P>When I found out about my W's affair... 2 days later my W left me for a 4 day "vacation with OM"... after that, I could not go to work for 3 weeks... complete emotional and partial physical paralysis!<P>I hope this doesn't happen to you...<P>I could not wish an affair on my worst enemy!<P>If necessary... to avoid a breakdown... seek medical attention immediately... get anti-depressants, especially if you've ever had any bouts of depression... this can take you down that road fast... and anti-dep medication ususally takes about one month to kick in...<P>Keep on posting...<P>I have to get to sleep soon... but there is usually a crew who likes to stay up late...<P>I am sending you prayers tonight...<BR>There is an unofficial <B>Plan P</B> on this forum... <B>P=Praying</B>...<BR>It comes in handy too... <P>Jim

Again I find myself thanking the people on this forum. Sleep remains elusive but I can only hope. I called my boss and told her I would not be to work in the AM. She didn't ask questions, must of known from my voice all was not well. No more phone calls, thank God. I am racking my brain trying to find clues that this was happening, NONE! I really thought we were doing OK. Sure, my H does work long hours but he has a very demanding job. I can't believe that this has been going on before my eyes. Deceived was the term someone used, oh God how could someone you have loved half of your life do this kind of thing? I trusted him with my life, he isn't even the man I thought he was. Besides, this woman is awful. Her mouth is full of slime, and I thought my H was a godly man. She has even called me the OW, can you believe that? God, I've got to try and get some sleep, I can't think anymore.

I know how you must be feeling right now my husband's betrayal is very recent and I can still feel the devastation I felt when he told me about it. Sleep was elusive for a long time. It still is sometimes. I remeber telling a friend in the first week following disclosure that chocolate didn't even taste good anymore. It tastes good again <BR>This is a good place to be. There are a lot of good and helpful people here. There will be times when you will wonder "What is going on in that head of his?" That is a good time to post a question to betrayers. They can tell you what they were thinking and feeling at different stages of recovery.<BR>Follow the advice of Jim(NSR) and read. There are a lot of good books out there that can help. You belong to a church? There is also a women's bible/book study in this forum. Right now we are reading and reviewing "Power of a praying wife". It is a good book as well, you might want to look into it when you are ready.<BR>Anyway just wanted you to know you aren't alone. There are a lot out here who care.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{heartlove}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>