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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206 |
My H and I are in month 4 of recover,and have yet to do the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. We have printed copies, but literally have not found the time to sit down, go through what the EN's are and do the questionnaire.<BR>So - should we approach it from where we stand now or prior to his affair? We have made strides in some areas since dday. Just curious of what would be most beneficial.
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,027
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,027 |
Very soon after I found out, we did the EN as if it were in the middle of the A. I wanted to see what was going "unmet" that might have led to the whole fiasco. Ironically, H rated me very high in every area--his needs were apparently being met, by me! (All he could say as to "why" was that we "were in a rut".) I rated him below average to very low in almost every area. I had just accepted the fact that that was the way he was (a lot like his father) and he wasn't going to change. Looks to me like I should have had the affair! <P>After 2 1/2 months, it is probably time to look at things from where we stand NOW.<P>Good luck! <p>[This message has been edited by Persevering (edited August 24, 2000).]
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
Alberta,<P>Agreed...<P>...ENs do change over time...<BR>...review, evaluation, reflection and changes have to occur many times over a healthy marriage.<P> ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Jim
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 150
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 150 |
Persevering...<P>My husband and I just did ours too - 8 months after DDay.<P>I found the same thing.... I was meeting all but one of his needs - house cleaning, but because of our schedules, we had agreed to get someone to come in - so all of his needs were being met. <P>Mine however - sound like yours and I had just learned to accept it - it wasn't the end of the world and I loved him anyway....I certainly didn't go out and have an affair. <P>My husband still can't explain it - he's trying to understand and find the answers, but so far - he still isn't quite sure how it went so far..... <P>:-(<P>J
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