First I want to thank those of you who replied, I needed to hear it. I haven't been able to sleep so I just lay there and stare at him, but last night I was able to do something, cry. I needed to hear how hurtful and destructive infidelity is. I didn't want to face the pain of being selfish and emotionally abusive; which I have been. After facing my emotional cobwebs I discovered that we have alot of work to do. I know his most important need is for me to love him no matter what and I chose to drag that feeling around and stomp on it. I need to learn why I think I can cause pain and still expect to be loved. This morning he woke to me laying there with my eyes swollen, I worked the nerve up to tell him that we had intercourse and that I wanted it. I told him how I feel with no holding back, I realized that I already knew my need to be able to say anything with him keeping and open mind. He did a good job listening; I do not deserve such a wonderful man. His weight issue is a good way for me to justify hurtful behavior, wow. Well the healing has begun, my next step is to get on the phone and find out about counseling, I think I need it, him too.

You did the right thing. Now you can start<BR>the process of healing and begin to fix the<BR>problems that exist. You will find that you<BR>will become closer because there are no secrets and the both of you can be open and truthful with each other. I know it seems painful now but the future will be better because of your honesty. You did the right thing. Good luck to you.

I wish there were more betrayers like you. (I feel bad even using that word with someone who is obviously so repentant! It's like you betrayed yourself as much as the H).<P>I would have died to have felt the sadness and regret you seem to feel. I would have given my eye to have had the honesty you gave. BLESS YOU!<P>I wish more betrayers would see this mistake for what it is- a cry for help in their relationship- not some liberating event.<P>I truly wish you all the luck in the world. Keep strong! It sounds like you have the character and the right man to see this through and have a better marriage.<P>Thanks for posting! It makes me feel that not all people who do this are doomed to remain in the fog.

I commend you for being honest with your H. Please continue with the honesty in the future, as that will help the healing process move along more quickly.<P>Best of luck!