Ok guys I need some help. Last night the H didn't come home. He spent the night with OW taking care of her since she just had surgery. He still has not called yet today to tell me what time he would be coming home.<BR>How do I tell him without LBing that we have no relationship to work on as long as he is still talking and seeing her???? We have talked about this before and he knows that but will not do it. I'm at a loss here. He tells me that nothing is going on it's something he promised her he would do when he was with her. What about the promise to his wife when we got married.

Hadit: What you are doing ain't working so why do you keep doing it. As I said on my other post he is having his cake and eating it too and you are letting him. You need to set some boundaires for yourself. Look at the PLan B info here. There was a great post by Genie 29 about WS who are on the fence. It isn't LB to let him know that you want to recover your marriage but as long as he is seeing OW that is impossible. That if he wants to work on the marriage. He needs to stop having any contact with her. Hadit you deserve so much better that this please be firm and definitely look at the Plan B info.

TMD is right....but remember that Plan B is NOT to bring a spouse to his senses but to protect YOU! Occasionally it does the former, but it's not it's purpose and it many times doesn't have that effect.<P>For me, I chose Plan A, all the way, through our separation and his living with PT. If I had gone to Plan B, Robert would have given up, he never would have believed my love for him or that we had a chance in heck of surviving this. Plan A isn't a guarentee either, but it's purpose IS to help restore love, not to help you get over someone. Face it, Plan B is to protect you and, in Harley's own words, help prepare for eventual divorce, should it happen. (OK, lost the quote, but it's IN there!)<P>Think about HIS personality, YOUR personality, and then decide. This is a long road, whichever way you go.<P>Neither plan is for wimps. And the success of Plan B has much to do with the implementation of a successful Plan A and that takes MONTHS and MONTHS of work.<P>You do what's best for you in your situation, or, better yet, counsel with the Harley's. I've known of several of the "oldies" here, that Steve advised to stay in A, even when separated and full contact with OP.<P>Lots of luck, love and prayers,<P>Lori

Yep...get off the carousel. I am not sure how long you have been doing this, but you must give him your boundries. If he cannot comply, then you must say to him "I love you and want us to renew our marrriage, but you are choosing to not honor me and I need you to go..." to a hotel, friend, his mom, sibling, wherever. "until you can show me honest and respect for what our marriage stands for."<P>Or something like that!!! Make him decide or at least get out of your hair for the time being so you are not faced with his activities with the OW. You can tell him he can return whenver he has done this. This leaves your door open, with out you being the mat. <P>Good luck!