My H is no longer living with OW. He travels alot and most of his belongs are here at my house. His mail is now being sent here. My question is this. He tells me its over with OW but he is like dating her so its not as hard on her. (my thought who cares). I have been plan Aing since about a month of planb about 3 months ago. Do i keep plan Aing. Like I said most of his stuff is here. Any suggestions on how to get him out of OW live totally or his he doing at his pace. And I need to remain patient. <P>Thanks<BR>Michelle

Hey Tigger,<P>Some positive developments I see. .<P>Now is the perfect opportunity to Plan A like never before. <P>Unfortunately, you can't really control when OW will be out of your H's life. This is a powerful pull for our WS's, as you've seen here so many times. Read lostva's reply to tootrustings recent thread. Let OW do the LBing. Sit back and be patient. She is applying pressure...you know that she's "not happy"...she has to be throwing off some pretty bad vibes at this point.<P>Like lostva said, just remind him gently that you love him, and understand. He has already taken the first step and now is the time for you to play this game with a lot of stratedgy.<P>Just look at all the progress that has been made since you started Plan A. It's really kind of miraculous. His mail is coming there now...his stuff is there now. You must be doing a helluva job on yourself tigger. You've learned a lot here.<P>Let us know what's going on. Does he ever stay over at your house? How are things when you two spend time together? Does he seem to be in less of a fog?<P>take care of you.<P>allison

I really have to agree with the advice of Plan A here. Plan B just seemed like more of a control issue for my H and it just made him pursue OW more!!!! Now I am facing a possible D.... and my H is not even really talking to me.<P>I do think you really have to let the OW do all the LB....just be understanding...it's something I wasn't..... but mainly because my H was so weird and denying everything.. I kindof felt like I needed to make something explode...but it kind of did in my face.....<P>Have faith in yourself, your H and you Love...and definately God's word above all.

Tigger,<BR>His saying that his affair is over AND dating her are completely contradictory. His actions and words are not lining up. <P>Their not living is together is positive, but if he's seeing her, he isn't ending the affair, she is still meeting his needs. You can't make him do anything at this point, you can only choose your own behavior & decisions.<P>If Plan A is possible for you, go for it, especially as it relates to no lovebusters. Choose a period of time to have very low expectations, practice unconditional love. You don't have to keep that up forever, but the benefit for doing it now, is if she wants the relationship to continue, she will have to put pressure on him & hopefully LB like crazy. You will be the calm port in the storm.<P>Again, if your set time limit (Harley recommends 6 months of Plan A) ends and he is still seeing her, then go to Plan B.<P>Plan A at this point will not be at all easy, but it is like working hard for an investment. Plan A is powerful. It doesn't always save the marriage, but it is good to look back at your behavior and KNOW that YOU did everything possible to save it. It cuts way down on the regrets.<P>And...though it took a long time, I feel Plan A is largely responsible for my marriage coming back together.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

tigger,<P>In general, it is not a good idea to go from Plan A -> Plan B -> Plan A -> Plan B -> Plan A -> etc.<P>It confuses both of you..<BR>...and doesn't let you work on the appropriate aspects of your own adaptation to how you are to handle <B>your</B> life.<P>If I could ask...<BR>...why did you stop Plan B?<P>I also have the concern that <B>Lor</B> had... (His saying that his affair is over AND dating her are completely contradictory!)<P> <P>Jim

I think the reason for the dating thing is because he saw her before we were marriage and when he left her she tried to kill herself. I think this is his way of if she tries to kill herself at least he let her down easy. Any thoughts on this. Thanks for all the support.