Has everyone else on this board been able to do the plan A thing without a LB. <P>Particularly, the ones who were being denyed any info from a "possessed" very different spouse who moved out!!!<P>I think about the past months and the amt of times I lost it. (count on 1 hand (2times befor I found this site).. and think I've done pretty good.<P>With the exception of feeling like I needed to run out of here and hide or to try to control the situation.<P>At least my last blow-out got an admission. That's the most I know from him. <P>I just wondered if everyone else was able to keep their cool....ask no questions....not yell about the OP....??? just wondering!!!<P>Funny thing is....I have never yelled at my H for anything!!! He has never yelled at me!!!! Maybe there was something wrong with that!!!

You have done much better than I have.<P>This has been going on for 10 months for me and I have lost it at least once every two weeks. Sometimes I just can't help it.

I too have been in Plan A for about 11 months. I have been very, very much in control....not too many LB's. But I have consumed more alcohol than necessary!

Stella, that is just the reason why I don't drink....I would LB...

I just ask questions. . .that's all it takes to start a fight (remember, my husband's sex life is none of my beeswax.)<P>I have written him letters that he calls "tirades," however carefully that I word them. Writing him a letter earns me a "tirade" right back.<P>When it comes to addressing the OW and anything about her, however. . .just call me Happy Gilmore or whatever. My wrath pours forth. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I am a raving lunatic. I call her every name in the book right in front of him, and it is so interesting that my husband doesn't argue when I call her nasty words. You would think that he'd defend the love of his life.<P>He meekly says "Why are you blaming her for something I did?" He is so right. But then again, he will take no blame. So, there you go.

Bernzini,<BR> That's funny about the OW> At first, when I mentioned her negatively (not yelling) he defended her like she was Mother Theresa!<P>After awhile and after a lot of things had to finally look like I was telling the truth...(because her H told me verbatim what was going on, because she told him everything!!!(can you believe it), I yelled about her and my H stopped defending her. <P>I even said I'd never like her.<P>As this is a MLC and probably lots to do with control....it's almost like he's sticking with the looney just to get at me!!!<P>But the jokes on him eh????????<P>Actually I mean that in the nicest way to both of them!!!!

I have been in plan A for over 2 months. It does not matter what I do it is wrong in his eyes. I have not done any big blow up LB- but I am sure that I have done some small ones (ones that I would not think are but he does).<P>He is the one who has been angry, emotional, agitated. He is the one making contact - I have seen or talked to him almost everyday since he left over 3 weeks ago. I stay quiet, cool and calm. he brings things up - I bring benign subjects to just have conversation. I do not argue or fight with him.<P>Today we (D and I) were supposed to go trail riding, but did not. We slept in instead. H drove by, put the TV guide in the mailbox, saw we were home but did not stop. He had OW along so that was good. But he did not call for hours. When he called I had people here and a friend of D 's was staying. He heard the background noise and wanted to know who was here. I told him. He talked to D and said he would call back later. In the meantime I invited these people over for dinner. When he called they were out with the dogs and I said that we had company. He said real snotty you have company, Who? I said we have company for dinner and he said well I am not coming over then. He was mad about this. Well he shows up 2 1/2 hours later. I said you should have called. She has company and they are watching a movie. He is mad. Anything I said or asked was a LB. I asked if he took one of the hoses. He had it , it was none of my buisness why he had it, he had it with him and gave it back to me. I smiled and laughed because I did not know what else to do. He was mad, angry about something. He was not at "home" before he came here and I got the old answer that he was "around". <P>Like I saw on Friday night and again tonight he is not a happy in love person. He is angry, depressed, confused. What do i do with his attiude now. I am trying to stand back and let this take its course but it sure is hard to watch the love of my life self destruct.

Don't worry you are not the only one insane. Why do you think I chose the name "Crazy or What" <P>Jill

Tootrusting:<P>Your link with OW's H is interesting. Seems that you guys are in this together. What does he tell you? Is he handling this OK? Have you told him about this site? It would be interesting to hear his side of the story, the poor guy. <P>I don't even know him and I feel for him; I mean, so many of us are dealing with total black lies, and he ends up being the sounding board for his wayward spouse!<P>She sounds like a real dork, if you ask me. To just waltz in and tell her husband her sad stories. She sounds like a person who presents herself as a meek, humble delicate creature who begs for nurturing--under the surface, she is a shark having a feeding frenzy.<P>You have one thing on the OW, TT: character<P>

I do the same thing, don't feel bad. I'm getting a *little* better, though. Thurs. & Fri. were really bad, but the rest of the weekend was great. Lately, whenever I've been agitated and want to LB, I read lostva's Plan A post from the Notable Posts/Threads column. That reminds me that yes, it is a LONG, hard road, but it can be worth it in the end.

tootrusting........<P>I've been doing Plan A for 9 months now. I don't think there have been any LB's in months as I have been getting better at Plan A'ing. <P>What helps greatly is my W's meeting most of my EN's (except sex, of course........LOL). This in spite of her continuing affair.

<BR>No, you're not the only one. Most days the best I can manage is to be<P><BR>Slightly Sane<BR>

I know my early LB's were due to my H's bizaar change in personality. If you remember correctly he was (still is, but not as intense) in a weird place.<P>My H is very cerebral. He has been on some higher plane of existance and treated me as if my words had no meaning...even HI!<P>I have never felt so belittled in my life. He has NEVER treated me this way. He has always made me feel an equal, despite his work vs me being a SAHM. Now, it seems, as if being a mom is part of the problem/.<P>He can take OW, who is his assistant, and who has 18 years of experience, and mold her into what he wants her to be... He is taking her for the journey.... (and she is changing to meet his needs) instead of me and the kids.<P>The "possessed" behavior and looks are what made me LB...plus his complete arrogance towards the kids!!!<P>Even though he has finally admitted to the PA, and still says D and he loves her and not coming home, I am finding it easier to not LB. He is no longer inthe really "possessed" state... but now just is angry, irritable and depressed. Somehow that's easier to deal with.... Do ya know what I mean????

Hi,<P>The whole time Im taking with My H I keep repeating in the back of my mind kill with kindness. OW thought she was pregnant with H child. She supposedly had a mis carriage. I dont know if i believe this or not, because when i asked husband questions like did she have a DNC He was clueless. I would ask him if she was ok how was she feeling etc. After that was when he started to come back to me. It was the hardest thing I have done but it works. But I still doubt she was pregnant.