H has been in variuos states of withdrawl, anger, depression, confusion since he got involved in an EA 8-9 months ago. He left to move in with her 8/4. D-day was 6/23 and I have been in Plan A since that time.<P>He claims he is happy now. I do not see that. I see a person who is still torn, upset, angry, depressed etc.<P>Friday evening he was with us for 3 hours. He was not a happy person. D even said again that he will be coming home because she sees he is not happy. He kept looking at his watch. It was going to be a late evening. He left in a hurry. <P>We have gotten the clear impression that she is the aggressor and is controlling. D is mad because OW is trying to keep her dad from doing things that are his life. D says she is trying to keep him under control so she knows where he is because she does not trust him. BINGO!!!! The OW knows all about that because of what they did to me before he left. This kid sees right through both of them. This makes her even more determined to avoid her dad and she does not want to have anything to do with going to their apartment or doing anything with them.<P>Yesterday he was one mad person. He went past the house yesterday AM. We were not supposed to be home but D slept in (so did I) and we were home. He called several hours later. I asked him about the fire call they had and he was very short with me. Last week I would have gotten an answer. He heard people in the background and wanted to know who was there. I told him. He spoke breifly to D. He called back later again. I told him we had company. He got real upset - like how could I have company - demanded to know who - I said we have company over for dinner. He said well then I am not coming over. I tried to find out if he was going to call or come over later but he would not commit to either. Well he showed up 2 1/2 hours later. A real bear. Nasty, moody, angry. I told him he should have called because D had company and they were watching a movie. He got upset about this. He said he was not "home" that is why he did not call. When I asked where he had been I got the it is none of your buisness and that he was "around". This is the pattern that had emerged right before he left.<P>Earlier that day I discovered I was missing a garden hose. When he was there last night I asked him about it. Boy did he get defensive about a garden hose. He had it with him and he gave it back to me. I asked what he needed a hose for and I got the it is none of your buisness. He said don't start on me and a few other things. I did not start anything. I even smiled and laughed because his whole attitude and anger was so off base I did not know what else to do. I did not argue or fight with him.<P>He said he was leaving and I said okay - see you tomorrow. I walked away and he sat there. I was half way across the yard before he started to leave.<P>He has been living our history with someone else. They are doing things and going places we did and went to. The only reason I have been able to come up with for the garden hose is that they have a waterbed. Kind of funny because he has wanted to get rid of our waterbed for awhile now. We where waiting to finish the upstairs BR to get another BR suite. That would also explain the defensiveness.<P>How low does he have to go? How do I play my cards now? Things are not going as well as he is trying to tell me. Heard that the S now does not want to stay with them - he wants to go back to his dad and not change school districts.<P>All contact is done by him. I do not call or go back there or look for him. I have stopped talking to those who ran to him with everything so no one is reporting to him now. I have been doing things around the house and having people over and getting on with things. Seems to be working on him because of how he reacted yesterday. Do I keep this up - I do not like him being angry - he is not an angry person by nature. I want to save my marriage. Not doing anything is so against everything I think I should be doing. I see his pain and want to hold him and tell him we will get through this. But I understand that I can not do this right now. I am showing him that I am strong and will get through this. How does this effect him? What is going on in his head? Right now it seems she is doing the LB not me but I get the brunt of the anger. So far I have been able to handle it with out reacting. D is doing her own get on with your life with out him and that seems to be effecting him as well. Again I am the one who gets the brunt od the anger from this and again I am holding up under this pressure and not LBing.<P>He has to know where I/we are and what I/we are doing all the time. I know he has gone by the house on several occassions. We live in a closed developement so it is not like he is just passing by on the way somewhere.<P>I have read other posts that say the anger and confusion is a good sign. Is it? There is further info in my posts in emotional needs and PlanA/PlanB.

Anger is their inability to cope with your good Plan A...<BR>...show some understanding...<BR>...but stay firm in Plan A...<P>PTC!<P> <P>Jim

Hey I believe, My H is doing the exact same thing. He has relived our history down to the first dates!!!! I suppose I should feel flattered. <P>Guess he really feels he is saving a damsel in distress. <P>I'm in the same situation with the anger, depression etc. Can't ask him a question. If I ask if he had a nice day ..he barks back NO. <P>The OW is controlling in this situation as well. Unfortunately, she is hanging on, and leading my H and her H by the nose. she won't let go of her H completely until she has my H go "public" with her. Kind of funny huh??? It would be except for the fact that my little kids 5-9-11 don't have a clue why their dad left.<P>He spent the weekend with them and when son came back and cried to his dad about being sad, he said he was sad also. But he sort of blows it off. Wait till my kids have to deal with the other "family".. I hope my antiD's start to kick in by then!!!

My opionion on the anger is this. If they were so dang happy why scream at me. My H did the same thing. Since distancing himself from OW its gotten better.