Okay, Plan A is a LOT harder than I expected! If it weren't for the darn triggers that seem to pop up around every corner, I'd be fine! This is an extremely difficult, pride-swallowing experience - I know it's wrong, but in times of frustration like now, I feel like it should be HIM putting forth the effort to rebuild our marriage since HE took the step which put us in our position. I know, my LBing for a year has done a lot of damage as well, but still, I feel like I'm fighting this battle alone! <P>Anyway, what do y'all do to release your frustrations? (besides posting ) This could help a lot of people to get ideas on how to not become obsessed with the betrayal. I've started Somersizing (the Suzanne Somers...well, I can't even call it a diet - it's fabulous, you eat a TON, and I've already lost 5 lbs over the past 2 wks!) I want to get about 15 lbs off before we go home to SC this winter. I've also joined an all-women's health club, and I'm selling Mary Kay (it helps being able to help other women feel good about their appearance!). Unfortunately, I'm smoking again , since these other activities really don't take up that much time. <P>So what are your "therapies" for keeping your sanity?

OH MY!, where do I start?<P>I've tried exercising, tennis lessons, car rides, journal writing, positive imaging, yoga, thought-processing techniques, counseling, posting, anti-ds, volunteering, drinking, sleeping, LBing, worshipping, joking, praying...<P>...everything BUT SMOKING!<P>Hey, pass me a cigarette.... .<P>Peace, ~Marie

(WS got hold of my code)<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited September 01, 2000).]

Carolina<BR>I started smoking again after D-day. One of the drawbacks of stress. <P>During the worst of the affair, I attended a lot of my son's sporting events. There is nothing quite like cheering and yelling at the referee to get a little of that tension out. It also took my mind completely off of the situation at home.<P>I started some new hobbies. I now refinish antique furniture and do a little woodworking. Power tools are wonderful stress busters.<P>Think of something you always wanted to try. Do something for you.

Hiking; biking; lay out on the beach (sans suit, optional)<P>After noticing , due to not being able to go home to an empty house, that I was loosing weight, I looked at what I was doing differently. Number on adjustment... no eating after five pm. (Unless some woman asks me out to dinner). I have NEVER had to (gotten to) break this rule!! <P>RRunRR<BR>

You seem to be doing so much! The one thing you did not mention was kick-boxing arobics. I hear all that punching and kicking releave a lot of stress. They teach at my D's Dojo, or what ever, and they have these rubber figures that look like assailents. It is for the Tae Kwon Do students(my D) and socking and kicking those guys(dummies) are great! You can actually buy those things at Big sports shops, like the Sports Authority. <P>Or just buy a punching bag. <P>As for smoking, I don't want to sound like I'm gloating, but I quit for my Grandfather last year on his Bday following his funeral. I figured the double luck would serve me, St. Patty's day, and his bday. It did. And when this crud started three weeks ago I found no need to restart. Please congratulate me!! My H barely noticed I quit, because he was drenched in the guilt of the A.<P>I think I'll treat myself to a teeth-whitening at the dentist! I said if I could stay off 6 mos, I would. At least it is something just for me... <P>

I like your post weep! burnedspouse, did you quit cold turkey? <P>I like to get a shovel when I need to get rid of stress. On Thursday, I'll be filling my pickup with mulch for the garden.

The gym works great. Going to the kids sporting events and (as mentioned earlier), yes, yelling at the refs. Volunteer for something, esp something new. Do something you've always wanted to do, but put off since you couldn't find the time. make time to do something that you used to do, but put off for whatever reason (golf, biking, tennis, hiking, even reading a book).<P>Eat better. Dieting isn't easy at times of stress, so change the selection. Eat more fruit, veggies, and less fat. Swear off red meat. It's amazing how much the diet alone can help in the attitude and stress reduction!<P>Above all, work on something for YOU. Make YOURSELF feel good for once. Empower yourself.<P>--keystone<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited August 28, 2000).]

Keystone<P>I used nicorette gum. But I found I really did not need it and soon I didn't need it at all. <P>If you try it, read the instructions! It is not regular gum, If you chew it like that you will get heartburn, hiccups or an upset stomach!(This happened to my mom.) The Nic in the gum is supposed to be absorbed slowly through your gums, not taken and swallowed into your stomach.(As you do when you chew gum.)<P>Good luck!

Clean the house from top to bottom, hand do all the floors and get those corners really good. Don't forget the windows.<P>Fertilize the lawn.<P>Move the furniture around.<P>Paint the house.<P>Get pedicures and full body massages.<P>Get all your paper work organized, label everything.<P>Throw away anything you haven't used in 5 years, or sell it in a G Sale.<P>Wash the cats ...OUCH!<P>Buy a new car.<P>Move the furniture around AGAIN.<P>Clean the fridge.<P>Mop the garage floor.<P>Buy a shop vac and vaccumm the fireplace and anything else needing major dirt removal. (be careful with it, I was looking like Jerry Lewis at one point, thing got away from me and sucked off my eye glasses )<BR>Trim the cat's nails, more OUCH!<P>Call your relatives you haven't seen in a long time and tell them you love them.<P>Get a new address book and transfer all YOUR numbers in it, nice and organized.<P>Move the furniture around ... last time, oh sure!<P>Buy a portable whirlpool for your bathtub and take long hot baths, while laughing with your best friend on the phone.<P>Redecorate your bathrooms in the color YOU like. Get shower massages for all your showers and install them yourself, what a self esteem builder!<P>There's lots more, these are just starters .... <P>Jo<P>p.s. And Oh yes ... I too smoke cigs, Capri Pinks. First time in my life to really smoke, it does suck and I think I'm addicted.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 29, 2000).]

To all --<P>Don't want to come off like a spoiled sport here, and I know this thread is for levity, too, but...<P>Please don't overdo it with the booze. It dulls the senses (somethimes not too bad an idea), but I see it also help build the anger. It's a horrible example for the kids, and sets in motion some really bad things.<P>PLEASE, if you're gonna drink, PLEASE DO SO RESPONSIBLY!<P>It's a touchy subject in my parts since my W drinks WAY TOO MUCH, and often with her divorce and single friends, and (sadly) in front of our kids. I cannot tell you how many times we've argued about this last point.<P>Anyway, I'm now off the soapbox.<P>--keystone

Dido about the drinking.<P>Before I found out about the A, my H wuld drink so much on the weekends to fall asleep at the dinner table, right in front of the kids!!! I would give him a swift kick bacause of the example he was setting, and he would slur something and his eyes would roll while he tried to focus. Then he would sag back, practically snapping his head off at the neck!<P>they have seen years of this, and I dread what they have learned. I have stressedto them how important it is to not hide things that hurt, or bother us. It is good not to fester. And not to dull pain or or fear, or anything else with drinking. I also have told them they have the heredity to inherit alchoholism(tendencies for addictions). If they start, they may not be able to be prudent very long. <P> It happened with my H(initially). These tendencies can also manifest into drugs, or emotional addictions...sound familiar??? Yep, right there in the old A catagory! My h was right for this in every way, except I don't know of anyone in his Family who this happened to. I also would not know that kind of dirty laundry--just like I am keeping ours from the family.<P>