Well, it seems like the recoverd guys are coming out of the wood work (or PC monitor) in regards to RWD's thread on doomed men.<P>So my questions to you success stories are these:<P>1. What brought about the female betrayer giving up the OM (confrontation, Plan A, Plan B, struck by lightning, OM getting in a horrible car accident on the way back from the hotel, what???)<P>2. How did your betraying wife recapture those "in love" feelings for you? Something you did, her decision, ???<P>Thank you guys and gals. <P>SHA<P>

Hi SHA -<P>I'm neither.....just being nosy!!!<P>And wanting to say Hi to my Bud!!!!!<P>What are you doing here so late young man?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Hey Sheba!!<P>Yeah, it's past my bed time. I'm actually at work. <P>Glad your doing better. <P>I was just reading through all your replies in your thread - that must have taken a while to catch up.<P>You doin OK?<P>PUNCH>>>>ARM<P>SHA

Ok. I'll go first.<P>1. Confrontation stopped the sex. Plan A never worked. At least I wasn't real good at it. I ended up looking (and acting) like a wimpering puppy. Lets all face it, women want men (uh, Men), not puppies. In fact, she kept right on communicating with the OM for 10 months after discovery. A modified Plan B allowed her to see that I was able to "find a backbone" and become someone worth being married too.<P>2. Not too sure about the "in-love" feelings. She tells me she loves me all the time, and has said that she "is falling in-love with me all over again." I don't have a clue why.<P> <BR>

Hi SHA -<P>Yes, I am doing OK.....<P>Still at work.....busy day? <P>It takes time to get my thoughts together for the responses -but once I get going I sort of get on a roll! LOL!!<P>I have a lot of catching up to do !!!<P>How are you doing?<P>HUGS, <P>Sheba

For me it was Plan A progressing into Plan B.<P>Tried to work Plan A for about 3 months then gave her the ultimatum (Plan B ?) " I'm Leaving (the state) I want you to come with, but I won't beg anymore, your choice". She came with, and thing are much better now.<P>I say Plan A & B, but this was before I had read the book (SAA) and found this site.<P>I like to think it was some of #2 also.<P>Jason<P>P.S. The car accident would not have hurt my feelings though. (just kidding LOL)

Sir Hurts Alot -- Since I was the first to actually admit to being a success story on RWD's thread, I guess I need to respond here as well. . . <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>1. What brought about the female betrayer giving up the OM (confrontation, Plan A, Plan B, struck by lightning, OM getting in a horrible car accident on the way back from the hotel, what???)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It was definitely confrontation which stopped the internet affairs. The physical affair had been over long before I found out about it.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>2. How did your betraying wife recapture those "in love" feelings for you? Something you did, her decision, ???<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This is a much more difficult question to answer. I honestly don't believe that my W every really lost the "in love" feeling. Our story is very convoluted and different from most of the other members here. My W is frequently telling me that she loves me now, and I tell her the same thing.<P>Hope this helps.<P>God Bless<P>

Hi, SHA,<P>Sorry to hear you're still ridin' the rollercoaster. I haven't been on MB much, but try to at least keep up with things. OK, here goes:<P>1. OM dumped me for another woman! (embarrassing & sad to say, but true )<P>Also, anti-deps *definitely* helped conquer the addiction, that aching emptiness I was feeling & trying to fill. But "The Dump" was the final thing.<P>2. "In love" feelings slowly returned... biggest reasons were realizing that DMac was a fine, committed, emotionally mature man who could 'go the distance', which OM was not... also,I really liked Optimist's post about not being a puppy: DMac never lost his dignity or sense of self, which made it awfully hard for ME to "diss" him (although I sure tried!). Finally, although I certainly *knew* I loved him deeply by the time he had his affair last year, the very real prospect of losing him busted through the walls that had made it so hard for me to open up & *show* him.<P>Let me make sure to clarify that I don't advocate playing "hard-to-get" with a spouse... but while showing deep love and committment, maintain that backbone... just conveying a quiet sense that you are aware of your worth as a person and as a man; and that life will go on for you even if the marriage doesn't. <P>A little aside: I almost married a "doormat" before I met Dunc, and have been eternally grateful I didn't, because I know it would have brought out the worst in me... I needed someone who would "push back" when I pushed, not roll over. <P>Dmac wrote me a couple of letters over the years when I was at my most remote, just saying that he was frustrated by my lack of interest in him, and that he knew he was a good person, a good man, a good husband... and that someone would appreciate that... I'll tell you, it certainly gave me pause!<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>