I don't know how to begin. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. Our marriage has had many ups and down in that time period including a prior seperation. Last Novemeber, my husband got custody of his 15 years old daughter from a previous marriage and although we were in agreement about going after custody it put alot of strain on an already strained marriage. My husband was so wrapped up in the new arrival of his daughter into our home that he totally neglected me and my emotional needs.<P>In March of this year I became emotionally involved with a man that I had known for 15 years thought business contacts. We were both in marriages that did not meet our emotional needs. We had lunch on several occasions, talked on the phone...... but there was never anything physical between us. This went on for about a month and we both knew this was wrong and ended it.<P>By this time, my husband had noticed that I was emotionally withdrawn from our marriage totally. I was eaten up with guilt and hurt at what I had done. I agonized over this for a month and finally broke down and confessed to my husband as to what had happened.<P>My husbands reaction was not favorable to this news as you might guess. After a week or so, he moved out. He and I are on speaking terms now and want to try to make our marriage work. We are committed to it. I have asked for his forgiveness and he is having a hard time accepting it. I am at a lost as to how to try to make this marriage right again.<P>I don't know whether to give him space or just keep talking to him and telling him I am sorry and reassuring him that it won't happen again. Can anyone give me there opionion cause I sure could use it.

Lady,<BR>You've made some healthy first steps by ending the other relationship, by being honest with your husband, by apologizing & showing remorse. You're on the right track.<P>Read all over this site, there are wonderful resources everywhere you turn.<P>You and your husband would also benefit from counseling. There is phone counseling available from this site, and also links to local counselors. If your H won't go to counseling, you may still want to go alone, just to wrap up your emotions from feeling neglected, then turning to someone else.<P>In some ways an emotional affair has just as much of an impact as a physical, because their is less a chance of reality intruding--that man can be anything your mind can conceive and you don't have his real behavior to make you think twice.<P>My counselor says that women desire access to a man's soul, men desire access to a woman's body. That's why an EA is usually a preliminary step to a PA, once the man has given his time and attention.<P>Your husband is wounded by your confession, do give him time, love, & patience. He is now at a very vulnerable time of his life as well. Try to keep the lines of communication open, but you don't have to focus on the bad stuff, try to lead the relationship back to its strengths and try to meet your husband emotional needs.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Welcome <B>ladyblueeyes</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P><B>Lor</B> speaks from experience...<BR>...being on both sides of infidelity.<P>Do read the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post.<P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...some "mechanics" of it at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Here are the links to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P><B>You are not alone</B> <P>Jim

LORI,<P>Thanks for your support. I wanted to let you know that I let him know that I was going to back off and give him some space to get over the hurt that I had caused him and that I wanted him to know that I loved him and was here for him and that when he got to a point that he was ready to work on our relationship that I was here. <P>My husband asked that I be patient with him that he was going through many emotions right now as I am sure that he is. I hope that we are on our way to a better, happier, and healthier relationship

did you read any of the bboks by Dr. Harley? "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs" are two of the most invaluable books you can buy. They are great informations sources on how to heal a marriage and build an affair proof marriage.

Lady Blue-<BR>You have done right so far. But your H needs to also realize that it is partly his fault that let you stray. You EN had not been met for some time. You were wrong for not being honest with him and bringing it out in thw open, but it was his fault too.<P>I am not giving you permission, but reality. You did the right thing stopping the A as soon as you realized it could go physical. You were honerable in every way. The best you could be, considering your feelings for both of them.<P>My H became fast friends with his OW on a week long bus. trip, then when he had bus. in her state, he saw her and immediately started the PA. I suspect he was in close contact with the OW prior to it being phys. I know that since it got phys, he has called her 5 times a day. Now I know, 15 mos. later. He is in love with her, and she won't stop contacting him during our trial no-contact agreement. He no longer loves me, only her, but wants everything else.(IE: kids, life, home, job, reputation, etc.) He just doesn't know where I fit in! Neither do I. I am trying to be supportive too. It hurts. <P>Good luck.<P>