Just something I was thinking about the other day. (No comments such as, "there ya' go thinking again!")<P>Is there some part of the OP which in at least a small way gets the "satisfaction" of knowing they have/had a married person? "I'm such a stud" or "I'm one hot babe!" And this is maybe a small part of why the affair continues?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Of course. They think the MP is "risking everything" for the OP. In reality I haven't met a cheater yet who thought they would ever get caught. Often OP thinks "MP wants to get caught so it can be in the open and we can be together" In reality the MP is usually just so arrogant that they get careless. OP thinks "I must be REALLY special" I dont know about anyone else but I've never had anyone who felt I was "really special" and was madly in love with me deny my existence and keep me as a shameful secret. Then they feel as if they've made a conquest (the MP). I think that is why so amny of these OP become totally obsessed with MP, much more than they would a single person.

I can't speak for the women here, but as a man, I definitely think that men think in this manner. I think at some point in our lives, most men all want to be viewed as some sort of stud. Having a married woman tell you she loves you and that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread <BR>is definitely an ego booster, and I think we all know that the male ego is very fragile, can you imagine a married woman feeding that ego and what effect it has on that ego.<P>I can't say if it has a small or large part in an affair continuing, but I would imagine that for a married man involved with a married woman, it would play a very major role, particularly if the MM's wife is not showering him with all the compliments that the OW is.

I don't know about all cases, but in my case, YES, yes, yes.<P>My H never once deceived the OW, or held out false hope to her. He told her how much he loved me and that it had to stop. He never had any feelings for her or led her to believe that he did, so I think she was definately on a power trip. <P>She was winning over me. That's gotta be flattering, "He loves his wife but can't stop having sex with me." And since her live-in beats her and she gets absolutely no kudos anywhere else...well, she got them off of us.

Well Chris ... There ya' go ... thinkin again! Sorry, couldn't resist.<P>In my situation, and unbeknownst to me, the OW had a "thing" for my H ever since she got pregnant deliberately 9+ years ago. She maintains that she has been waiting and loving my H all this time (altho she has had many many many men in between - wanna keep those sexual abilities honed )<P>For those 9+ years she blamed me for my H not participating in her OC's life, it had to be my fault ... I was married to him and he doesn't make his own decisions. My mere existence was reason enough for OW to hate me and seek relatiation on both of us.<P>So ... her "Winning" my H was just raw unmitigated REVENGE. Revenge on him and on me. OW's EGO is ready to pop due to over inflation from "Winning". She thinks she's such a "Hottie", uh hummm ... NOT<P>In terms of taking a married man away from his wife, yes, I believe that was a driving factor in her reasons, but I also think she believes it was the RIGHT thing to do in a warped kinda way because, afterall, she is the mother of his OC.<P>But Chris, if the aforementioned was true, then my H should be with both OW as they both have OC from my H. DOH!!!<P>Jo<P>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 30, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 30, 2000).]

I'm sure the OP thinks how wonderful it is that the MP "gave up everything for me because I am so special and our love is so special." However, this could be a factor in an eventual break-up. The MP, when they finally wake up (if they do) will find out after the chemistry settles down that they have sacrificed so much for someone that is not so superior to the left-behind spouse after all. If all does not go as anticipated and the WS is no longer getting all their needs met by OP, they may become resentful because of all they sacrificed, and begin to resent OP, realizing that they did not get such a great deal, after all, especially if OP did not have to make any sacrifices at all for the relationship. Frank Pittman gives this as one of the reasons for the liklihood of failure for affairs that become marriages.

Fairydust - your eloquence!<P>Chris,<BR>I believe that many OP want to feed their self esteem and most want the married one for good, while some just want to have a good time, and others are just @5%768-up!<P>The first group is predominantly single and predatory. I know a woman whose best friend just wanted to seduce her boyfriend for her own ego and conquest. Then best friend let the woman know about her unfaithful boyfriend. Friendship is broken and woman is forever bitter. Best friend from hell goes on the prowl elsewhere. <P>Second category is predominantly female and although mostly single, there are some who are married. They lay their bait to hook a meal ticket.<P>The third group is a motley crew of lustful libidos mostly in the form of married people looking for hamburgers outside the marriage because they have taken the steak at home for granted. Usually people who lack character to work on their own marriage or are driven by some ENs not met. Usually married goes for married because there is no strings attached but sometimes they become caught.<P>The final category is @654543-up because they don't know why they are in it and for what! They will be the most messed up because everything is suddenly so $%^#99-0 and for what! This consitutes a very tiny percentage of the whole population of adulterers.<P>This self-analysis is by no means conclusive and are based soley on my observation and research.

My H's OW had a much older MM when she was not much over 20. It lasted a very long time, broke up the marriage for awhile when wife found out, then he went back to wife. She met my H, repeat of above story. I'm sure it would have been a big eog booster if she could have "won" this time. Sorry I couldn't help her out. I don't get how it helps their ego -- they are kept a secret, being used by someone they caught at a weak moment solely for getting MM "needs met", and when they don't win they end up looking (and feeling) worse than ever.

I think that you have made an interesting analysis, Weep:<P>My H's OW was of the third catagory: She spent plenty of time telling my H how her own husband was "good to her," but she just wasn't in love with him anymore. That my husband was big, strong, and handsome--far more than her own H. How her husband never picked up a single book, just hunted and played golf all the time (and she wanted my husband?--who sits around in his underwear reading technical manuals and military strategies all weekend, drinking gallons of coffee? Alrighty then.)<P>Even my husband, her lover, questioned her: "Is that all that's wrong? You mean, you've never tried to go golfing with him, or anything?" He didn't question her for long, though, after one night at Motel 6.<P>I told her that I would suggest a trade, if she had to have my husband so badly--her's sounded life a dream! I would LOVE to have a guy take me hunting and fishing and camping!<P>And that's why I am so mad now, too. I am separated from my husband, looking for a job and an apartment while Meow-Meow has comfortably settled back in with the "man who was good to her, but whom she just wasn't in love with anymore." Back to driving her big dumb fancy car and shopping for lovely clothes to wear for her next intrigue. <P>Idiot.