I read your post on Divorce forum about how you are doing good, and about finances. You mentioned his debts. Did you do a legal sepreation or did you just agree to pay your own bills? <P>I am in the same position. I am a saver and I will be OK financially even on my own. H likes to spend and buy expensive toys and I am a little fearful of him running up debts while we are seperated. Did you do something to protect yourself?<BR>lora

Hi Lora,<P>No we didn't do legal separation.. (but thinking of doing it.). We owe about $10,000, $6000 for my school and $4000 for welfare we were receiving 4 years ago. First I was paying welfare because when we received a letter from them saying we owe money H totally got mad and couldn't handle he owed that much. So I called the office and settled to pay about $100 every month for 3 years with no interest(at the time I didn't even have a steady job and I had to pay back 6000 too). Then when he moved out he offered to take over the welfare debt. We kinda splited the debts(although my part is more). I got a job in Feb, so now I'm paying back my school loan.<BR>I'm managing very well since I was always really good at saving. When we were together we didn't have a joint account, and when I needed money and if I didn't have money I asked H for his bank card. And he was really bad at saving so right now I think he's struggling alot(he says he spends alot of expenses.. expenses to go see OW??) I know he has some debts on his credit card too.<P>Legally I may have to be responsible when he can't return his money.. but I'm pretty sure he doesn't come to me even if he's stuck... I can pay for him but that will be "lending", so he has to pay me back. And I don't know how separation usually works but since he's not living here I didn't think he was obligated to pay any bills for "my" apartment.<P>So he doesn't pay me for anything right now(except for an interenet... they take payment from his credit card automatically.. so I have to do something about it soon.), and because he lives with his neice I really don't think his expences are that high.<P>Hope this helps.. (BTW we don't have kids.)<P>Meg<P>P.S. What kind of things can I do to protect myself??

Meg,<BR>I don't know what to do... I was hoping you would tell me! <BR> I think the only thing you can do is a legal seperation that will seperate your finances, or else if he runs up alot of debt or takes out a loan and turns into a jerk you are both still responsible. I am still debating as it seems once there is a legal seperation it is easier to get a divorce too.<BR>I guess for me at this point with no kids and most of his money is in retirement accounts, I will risk him not doing anything too stupid (financially anyhow)<BR>Lora

Hi Meg and Lora,<BR>Every state is different I think but in NY, your separation agreement becomes your divorce settlement. So be careful what you put in the agreement - make sure that all bases are covered. There are agencies that can help you write one. I bet you could find help on the internet.<BR> Peace and love.<BR>Ronnie<p>[This message has been edited by Ronster (edited August 31, 2000).]