Another Long distance.<BR>Bimbo lives almost two hours away.<BR>In one way this helps keep her out of our life.<BR>On the other hand it added to the fantasy of the affair. When H was there it truly was another life. No one there knew he was married. He was just the latest notch on her bedpost. They could do whatever they pleased with no worries about getting caught in the act.<BR>There were of course times that she traveled here and he rented her a hotel room. If I had known that at the time....well... 'nough said!

OM #1: Long distance, about 150 miles away. Met in person several times. He was a married college student with a small baby.<P>OM #2: Long distance, clear on the other side of the continent. Met in a chatroom (blech!) and went just a leeetle too far.<P>OM #3: Long distance, about 1,000 miles away. Met in same chatroom as OM #2 but went a lot farther. Met once that I know of, spent countless hours online with him.<P>OM #4: Local. Not sure how this one came about, but he pursued and she led him on and enjoyed it.<P>OM #5: Local. They were in a college class together. They must have spent gobs of time together that I didn't know about. I don't know if she ever told him she was married, but he figured it out one day when I caught them together.<P>A thought just occurred to me: I don't think any of the OM knew about any of the others.<P><BR>Slightly Sane<P><BR>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited August 30, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited August 30, 2000).]

11 to 8 local.<P>2bsane-<BR>you are the prize taker! Yours certainly jumped the stats. I am so sorry that your W is such a wanderer. I don't know your story, but you have more patience than Job. Or is it over? Wow I am so sorry!<P>Jodi-<BR>Seems you are recovering. More power to ya! I am pleased with the conclusion of your post, it gives me hope all the time. <P>All of your good stories do. Thanks<P>Any more???

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited September 13, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by burnedspouse:<BR><B>Or is it over?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, it's not over. We still live in the same house and still sleep in the same bed (most of the time), but the fat lady is singing.<P>She's seeing a counselor (has an appointment tomorrow), I'm counseling with Jennifer @ MB (next appointment is about a week away). Bad moments still unfortunately outnumber the good ones. I'm working very hard and so is she; sadly, we appear to be working on different things and toward different goals. I'm reading books with titles like "Surviving an Affair" and "Relationship Rescue" and she's reading books with titles like "Mom's House, Dad's House" and "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". She wants to divorce so we can "start over" and plans to talk to her counselor about that tomorrow. We'll see what happens with that.<P>At the time of my last counseling session I told Jennifer I was too tired to keep this up much longer. She pumped me up pretty good for another 4 weeks of Plan A. I'm really not sure how much I have left. I may be in Plan B next week.<P>Slightly Sane<BR>

Sorry for crashing this thread but .....<P>Good Gawd O2bsane, how are you holding up? Your wife needs therapy, doesn't she see that. I hope I haven't offended you, I'm just taken aback by all the times she's strayed.<P>You must be one very strong, patient and loving man. I admire your diligence in trying to rebuild your marriage and your continuing belief in your wife. She is very lucky to have you, I hope she wakes up one day and realizes it.<P>Prayers,<BR>Jo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B>Sorry for crashing this thread but .....<P>Good Gawd O2bsane, how are you holding up? Your wife needs therapy, doesn't she see that. I hope I haven't offended you, I'm just taken aback by all the times she's strayed.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No offense taken. The first time I made that list I was pretty horrified myself.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>You must be one very strong, patient and loving man. I admire your diligence in trying to rebuild your marriage and your continuing belief in your wife. She is very lucky to have you, I hope she wakes up one day and realizes it.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Aw, shucks. <blush> That's nice of you to say, but I'm not really all that. I'm doing my best, but the process has slowly but thoroughly uncovered all of my bad traits. I've had to face 'em and fix 'em, and I'm not done yet.<P>Do you ever get the feeling that something really huge is about to happen? You don't really know what it is, or if it's good or bad, but you kinda sense that there are big big changes coming your way and you better look out and get yourself ready?<P>That's how I feel today. I hope it's good, whatever it is. I need some good changes in my life.<P>Slightly Sane<P>

12-8 local. Just thought i would bring the stats up to date <P>

O2bSane,<P>YES! Absolutely I've had that feeling. The last time I felt that was when my H was foolin around but it was pre-Discovery. I told him about my feeling too, I said "I have this weird feeling that something really BIG is gonna happen, a HUGE change is coming about", he just looked at me with no response.<P>HEY O2BS ... I'm not saying that your feeling is about something BAD ... just sharing an experience I had. <P>Sometimes I tell myself that I simply didn't "marry" very good, you know what I mean. Like the person I fell in love with is one oyster shy of a picnic. That he wasn't a good choice for a H. You ever feel like that?<P>Jo<P>

If we count the iddy biddy EA. H had, it would cancel out the Biggie EA/PA he had,b/c the iddy biddy was local.<P>So let's not count the iddy biddy unless ya'll think that's cheating.<P>The biggie with OW was a long distance.<BR>70 miles away and damn if WASSTUBBORN's description wasn't dead on the same as my H.<P><BR>O2Bsane: Grievance comittee awaits you! I cannot believe what you are trying to do. I would say that you certainly have your hands full. I want to know what drives you daily to keep this relationship going.<P>I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm trying to get over a letter written to OW#1/EA and EA/PA with OW #2. The funny thing about that letter to OW#1 is it disturbs me more that PA with #2, is that strange? I wonder what this means?<P>Sorry, I lapsed into an abyss, anyway, how are you doing this... 5 A's, oh my God, I can't imagine what you have endured and I wonder why you are still holding out. I guess five is no worse than two. One is enough, right. But why do we keep coming back for more, do we all have a secret desire or wish to be hurt or punished. What is wrong with our self-esteem. I know mine is on the floor all the time, getting smushed by anything and anyone.<P>My counselor (local) said I should just where a sign around my neck "DOORMAT" WIPE YOUR FEET. <P>It really made me think about what I'm trying to do and sometimes I catch myself saying "One day I'm gonna..." and I then say " What?, what are you gonna do Cathy, if you were gonna do ... you would have already done it." I'm so big and brave, aren't I? <P>This is way off the subject matter and I have rambled on so that you people probably think I'm off my rocker for sure. I won't apologize this time, I do that too much.<P>Just bear with me, OK!!! You all understand.<P>Cathy

Hi Catplay,<P>Yeah, we all do understand. I myself have been thru this twice as you know. The two instances are so similar it's frightening, truly.<P>At one point in this recent A I could almost predict or set my watch by what was gonna happen next. <P>Catplay, you're not a doormat. I know how bad it feels to have the one person in the world treat you so miserably BUT they aren't thinking about you or doing it deliberately to hurt you, they're just so deeply into themselves and feeling completely narcissistic that they are ignoring all your feelings and going only for what makes them feel good, whether it's brutal on you or not. They just don't "SEE" us, right now.<P>So you are not being a doormat. When you Plan A you're suppose to take care of you and work on you and just be NICE to H, not be his doormat. Please remember your boundaries, they're fundamental in you surviving this A and crucial to you retaining your self esteem.<P>Okay, off my soapbox.<P>Anyway, just wanted to send you some words of encouragement. You are not alone and there is always hope.<P>God Bless!<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited September 01, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Catplay:<BR><B>I want to know what drives you daily to keep this relationship going.<P>...I can't imagine what you have endured and I wonder why you are still holding out.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have an answer for this, believe it or not.<P>I have 4 kids. My youngest is just barely 10 years old (her birthday party is tomorrow!) and still full of the pure joy of youth. She hasn't yet seen or understood the ugly side of the world. For me to leave now would utterly and completely destroy what should have been an idyllic childhood for her. As long as I can keep this marriage together for her, it's worth it no matter what the cost.<P>A woman (wish I could remember who) once posted here that her husband left her for another woman and that she had to face her children alone to tell them the unhappy news. One of her very young children began to cry and she described the poor thing as sounding like a "wounded animal". As heart-wrenching as it was to read her description, it would completely destroy me to do that to my daughter. I will fight to the death to keep her from experiencing that kind of pain.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>My counselor (local) said I should just where a sign around my neck "DOORMAT" WIPE YOUR FEET. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I've come to terms with this one, too.<P>I realized, finally, that I cannot control my W. Don't even want to. Her actions are her responsibility, along with all the consequences. I am not in any way responsible for her decisions. When I consider my options, I know in my heart that if I can't look my children in the eye and tell them I am doing everything I possibly could do to repair this marriage, *that's* the point where I have lost my self-respect. I am doing the right thing, for the right reasons. There's no shame at all in that. I hold my head high and I'm proud of who I am, what I've accomplished, and what I'm becoming. I've faced the thing I feared most and I survived and learned and improved and prospered. Doormat? Not me. And, I suspect, not you either, Catplay.<P>Resilient, I've never thought I didn't marry very well. I do still find myself wondering what went wrong sometimes. Once in a while I start to feel like I'm having a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I struggle a lot with so many different issues that it gets to be overwhelming. It's really not any different or any worse for me than it is for anybody else, though. It's horrible all the way around. A few of the details are unique here and there, but the basics are the same - empty lovebanks and EN's that aren't being met. I haven't given up -- yet.<P>Slightly Sane<BR>

O2bsane,<P>I am praying for nothing BUT good changes in your life from here on, O2BS. You are really a very special person and you value what is important. I also pray that your wife will one day "SEE" you and become your wife and a mother to your children again.<P>Who knows, maybe that's the change you sense on your horizon. <P>God loves you dearly, thats clear by the peace and wisdom He's given you.<P>I just cried when you told us about the woman who's child sounded like a wounded animal aft hearing of her daddy leaving. My Lord, why can't some parents see what's REALLY important? I just weeped after reading that.<P>I better go now, time to drive home. Have a peaceful week-end no matter what you do. You and your 10 yo daughter enjoy one another's company, she has one heck of a wonderful father.<P>Jo