My life is a mess. I have read books and read posts here until I could not take it anymore. H still with OW, but we are talking more about it and he says he still cares. I messed up. Through all this pain I have just wanted someone to help me. I found OM. I feel more terrible now than ever. It was great at first, I was in no more pain. Now it hurts like the day we seperated. I am going through so much, I found out my mom has 6 months to live so add that on top of H affair and proudly flaunting that in my face and talking to him about it, raising 2 small children, full time job, money probs, now OM?? I truly believe I am nuts!!I need your help here guys. Will all this pain ever stop?? I miss my H soo much and I need him more right now than ever, with my mom and stuff, but I cant turn to him because OW is there and he would probably see it as a LB anyway so here I am. Let me have it. I feel so depressed and weak

Mam, first, I'm sorry about your Mom, you do have a lot on your plate.<P>As for the OM/H, I ran that road earlier this spring. You are right that an OP is only a short term solution. The issues with your H are masked...but they are still there and that relationship fails like most affairs--maybe even because of the pain of the marriage, because you can't be whole with the new person, you are still dealing with the wounds. Or, as I found, whacking them with baggage the OP hadn't packed.<P>If you haven't told your H about your mom, I don't see what you have to lose, even with the OW there, he has a history with you and your family. He might surprise you. He might disappoint you. Prepare for the latter, but give him the opportunity.<P>Just as encouragement, my H & I are now together, he's been home for 3 months and we're doing well. The OW was in his life for 18 months, out now for 10 months.<P>The one thing I would highly recommend is that you seek a counselor to help you with all your issues. Reading books is great, MB boards are great, but a counselor can really help you put it all together and even help determine if you need to go to an MD for anti-depressants.<P>I wish you the best.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Sit down and sort out the priorities from the mundane problems and list out who can help with what. Call up family and friends to help with the mundane problems.<P>Having a counsellor help you see through your problems clearly is important as your are very confused and in great pain right now.<P>Losing your mother in the near future must be very scary for you if she was a source of comfort to you. Spend as much time with her as possible.<P>After you have stilled yourself and look at what you can do with the other problems, such as money, you can call your H and asked if he can help in anyway. I gather he would if he is decent and still cares for you. I think he would reach back to help if he understands that you are really down and sinking fast and HIS HELP is a last resort. DO not demand but call him and meet to discuss, and ask how he can help.<P>If that doesn't work out, you need to stop thinking about your H, and concentrate on getting your life in some sort of order.<P>I can truly identify, and most of the posters here, with the turmoil in your heart at the moment. You feel sick and the eyes stink and you feel fearful of tomorrow. The light at the end of the tunnel will never come, the world is so unbearably distant and you cannot on your life believe it can get better.<P>Please calm down and know that although all seemed hopleless now, things can only get better. <P>It does if you carry your burdens to Him ABove and trust in His LOve and GRace to see you through.<P>It does help when you gather your mind and still yourself to be a strong person. The challenge of surviving the toughest odds. <P>Life throws us unexpected curves all the time, some not so heartwrenching, but God has equipped us with the strength to deal with them.<P>I am so sorry you feel in such a mess, slowly by slowly with the correct support, you will have victory in your life again. Don't know when but you have already taken the first step - YOU YELLED for HELP. We cannot do it alone.<P>God Bless you<BR>Take care.

Mam,<P>I truely hurt for you about your mom, <BR>but to let you know..the doctors can be<BR>wrong..she could have longer..you didn't <BR>say what her illness is, so we can only speculate..Take time and pray with her, and<BR>be there with her, if there is anything you've ever wanted to say to her..say it..<BR>allow your kids to spend as much time as you can with her..sit down and pray with her, and<BR>for her and you never know God can decide not <BR>to take her..<P>Give your H the opportunity to be there..tell him whats going on..and let him decide, let<BR>him know that you could really use his support right now..I know what it's like to NOT have your h's support during that time..<BR>MY H was gone when I went through my mothers<BR>illness/death..and even when I tried to talk to him about its like he didn't care..He may have cared and just didn't know HOW to show it..I don't know..(I try to give him the benefit of the doubt..or maybe it's I've always made excuses for his actions I don't know anymore)but give him the opportunity to be there for you and your kids.. If he is close to your mom it will be hard on him too..<P>Cast thy burdens upon the Lord and He shall sustain you.<P>Read John Chapter 14 and 15 they are very comforting..I know when I went through my mothers illness those were the most comforting chapters I found..<BR>And if your H can't or won't be there for you..read Isaiah 54..One that I have found recently that really helps me during this time (wish I'd have found it years ago) is<BR>Is 54:5,6<P>For Thy Maker is thine Husband; The Lord of Hosts is His name; And They Redeemer the Holy one of Isreal; The God of the Whole Earth Shall He be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast<BR>refused, saith thy God.<P>I've found comfort in those passages and found the Lord meeting my emotional needs..<BR>as I talk to Him and read His word..I have learned it doesn't matter How small or HOW Big the problem may be He listens..even if our spouses don't..AND HE GIVES US HIS UNDIVIDED ATTENTION!!! Sure we don't get the physical hugs and such..but He gives a peace within..<P><BR>I'll keep you in my prayers..

Thank you for replying to me. Sometimes I just dont know what to do. I feel better today. I am at work so cant post much, but any encouragement does help. I will be praying for you all and hope you guys have a good day.