burnedspouse, <BR>I saw your reply to my post just before going to church with my family this morning. I couldn't wait to get home and tell you how glad I am to learn of your good fortune. You replied to my post and indicated that you were in the same stage as I am. I have learned even more since my post yesterday. OM is very serious about no contact. You were exactly right about how hurt the WS is in this situation. Like you I wish that my spouse had chosen to stop things, but I'll take what I can get. At least it's a start. <BR> Indeed I know it is only a start, and that there will still be a lot of pain and uncertainty. What I'm dealing with now is that in my wife's mind, I am the only thing standing between her and her future happiness. Since I didn't respond by telling her to get out, and have kept proving that she has a safe haven in my love, I think she doesn't know what to do. I think that she is feeling that if I would just give up on her that she could then tell OM that she is finally free and they could get together. Anyway, for now she is stuck with me and I won't give up without a fight.<BR> She is in a terrible depression, and almost acts like I don't exist even when we're in the same room. I know all I can do is plan A and keep telling her that I'll be there for her.<BR> Anyway burnedspouse, I am very happy for you and your family and hope that your prayers and mine continue to be answered.<BR> God Bless

WTD<P>Reayy weird, such a close thing. My H is also moping big time. We have not had a chance at privacy again, but I am dying to continue the conv. we started yesterday, which is all about her, and how he felt, and OW felt. It is painful, but I need to know so i know what I need to fill in.<P>This is so tricky, but I am hoping I get to move back into my room soon. Maybe he won't want to be alone right now. I just don't know if I should even ask yet. Too soon.<P>I think he needs to get out more info before he can do that.<P>Keep posting, I will try to stick with your progress. I am notorious for not remembering which ones I respond to, but you did write this one to me, so that helps.

To burnedspouse,<BR>Sorry for the continued longhand on your username, but I feel funny calling you bs.<BR>The similarities in our situations are even more striking. I too, just need to talk with her despite the pain it causes me. I feel that as long as we're talking, that we have a chance. Also, with five children, 4 of them under ten, it's next to impossible to find private time to talk about this.<BR> We did however just finish with a very tearful and emotional 90 minute discussion. She once again knew how I suffered all day, and asked if I wanted to take a drive so we could talk. We covered a lot of ground,(on our problems, not necessarily in miles), and came to several agreements, relating to counseling, and time commitments,and several other topics. We both agreed that priority one though is to get her through this withdrawl period before we go totally overboard with trying to fix things. Lots of patience and time required by me I know, but my family and her eternal salvation is worth it.<BR> I thought things were going along very well, but she really broke down and for the first time in front of me she really sobbed uncontrollably. I at first took this as a good sign that she was finally feeling the remorse I would like to see but she then stabbed me in the heart with her expression that she knows what's right for everyone involved but that she's convinced that she will lose out in the end if she chooses to stay because in her mind I can't possibly make her as happy as the OM. Talk about being in a fog. Wow, that one hurt.<BR> We drove home, she took a hot bath, and I asked her if she would read some material on the subject if I gave it to her. While she bathed I printed off a bunch of material from the MB website for her, much more than she could or would want to deal with right now. I carefully picked out the stuff I thought would most beneficial for her right now and gave it to her as she slipped into bed. I left the room to go put the kids in their beds, and stayed away until she came down from the bedroom and said she was thankful for the stuff she was able to read, and she would finish the rest tomorrow.<BR> Sorry for the length of this post, but you know how it is, it helps to express everything you're feeling and thinking.<BR> Here's to hoping and praying that things are going well for you in your struggles and of course to anyone else that may see this and may be able to relate.<BR> God Bless you.

Must be the weekend for breakups!! My H just broke it off with his OW on Sat night, too!! <P>I just posted my own thread about how to help him get through withdrawal, and would appreciate any advice you have, whattodo and burned spouse!<P>My H also said last night that the kids and I "won" and he "lost" because he had to give her up because it was the right thing to do. He also said that he'll never be as happy as he was with OW. That one really hurt me too, but I also know that he's very depressed right now and doesn't see how he can be happy here. However, it was his choice to make.<P>I think it will take awhile for the remorse and guilt to hit, but meanwhile, the depression and withdrawal will be enough to deal with. Good thing I was prepared for it!<P>Looks like the three of us will be able to help each other out through this process as all the A's ended within a couple days of each other.

Hi guys-<P>Hurtin, it looks as though you had a really good talk. We really need one like that. I know the heart-zinger stung. <P>My H said, "Even when I was talking to Sarah(our therapist) I said I keep thinking to myself why can't B(me) be like M(OW)?" He went on to say he knew it wasn't fair, but that was how he felt. <P>"She was such a good person; as if she if dead or something(sob, sob) and she worshipped me." H says. Talk about a Zinger! But I just smiled and said I understand. Then we were interrupted!!! I need to get back to that convo! I want the second act! <P>Keep your chin up and remain patient. Your W actually noticed you had a bad day, mine doesn't care now.<P>B