You might thimk this is a crazy question, but I am new at this H coming back a little thing and I dont want to screw it up. Some of H cloths are at my house. They are in a pile in the corner of the office. He came to get somethings and he made a comment about how he wished his stuff was put away so he can find stuff. Do I put it away in my bedroom dresser or do I buy another dresser and put it in that in the office, or I do i leave it in a pile in the closet.<P>Thanks<BR>Michelle

I'm no expert. Ask him where he would like the stuff. Is he getting stuff out of the garage or just storing it there? Does he know where it is now? I would just ask him where he wants you to put the stuff and let it go at that. Men!<p>[This message has been edited by cleopatra (edited September 04, 2000).]

Ya he knows where his stuff is. when I asked him about if he wanted his stuff put away he said I just want to be able to find stuff without digging through a pile. Is this his way of seeing if Im ready for him to back Home??????? by putting his stuff away, In his drawers?!?!?!?!<P>Michelle

Hey Tigger!<P>So glad to come here and see you guys are making some progress. Did you ever know you would have so much patience? It's amazing, isn't it how we learn to appreciate even baby steps.<P>I know it may seem like a doormat kinda thing to do, but I'd put the clothes away for him. Nice and neat. You think OW would do a wonderful gesture like that for him. Don't think so. It's something he'll appreciate and I think it'll give him something to think about...that you would even do that for him.<P>You're in a tough spot with him still going back and forth, but you've gotten good advice from the others here. Wait it out...realize what good work you are doing (on yourself especially) and keep letting OW love bust away. I've recently found out that had a lot to do with my H and his OW ending it. She got demanding and nasty. She started expecting a committment, and yep, H ran. It made him sad, but once she started talking major future plans and getting mean when he wouldn't commit he was done.<P>You hang in there Tigger, and remember to take a look at how far you have come. <P>Bless you and your son.<P>allison

Thanks Az Allison,<P>You are right we have came along way. from him never wanting to see me again and wishing I was dead. To bringing is stuff amke over to my house. I took your advice and his stuff is put away. I had more stuff then I thought his cloths filled all the drews I had empted today when I cleaned out the cloths I couldnt fit into anymore. I have lost alot of weight I think this makes him think also about what he is losing.<P>Thanks <BR>Michelle

Good for you for putting his clothes away(and neatly at that). Physical appearance is sooooo important for men. After I was on the infidelity diet(not by choice of course!)he made comments about how good I looked. Now that we are in recovery and he has read HN/HN, he let me know that it really makes a big difference. Also, for me, I feel much more attractive without those extra 10-12 pounds. Good for you. Keep up with the Plan A and may he enjoy looking for his clothes which are now neatly placed in your house!!

I also have a question that I would like some help with. I have had an affair. It has been over for about a year. Neither of us have told our spouses. In order for recovery, do I have to do this, tell my spouse?