I am doing something I never thought I’d do, and all I can say is JIM, THROW AWAY ALL THOSE NOTES WHERE I SAID I’D STAY AWAY!! You must think I’m insane!!! <P>Where to begin? I guess from the beginning (a little history)…<P>I came here because I betrayed my H with a man I work with. The affair lasted three months, and ended in June 1999. I slept with him one time, and I cried through the entire afternoon. I felt dirty, like a whore, and I hated myself. I had been betrayed by my H with three women in the late 80’s (all without intercourse, but with oral sex, kissing, emotional attachment), and my affair happened 13 years later. I did not feel that it was a revenge affair. I was going through a mid-life crisis and made a horrible CHOICE to have an affair. I wasn’t in my right mind, but that is no excuse. There are no excuses for an affair. My H could not handle what I’d done and began a succession of bad choices himself, with a final slap in the face of a full on physical affair with a women he met in church. (Jesus would be horrified! ) <P>I was always very honest (barring the very short time I tried to hide the affair) and I continued being honest with my H. I read everything here and tried to Plan A, although I wasn’t very successful at it. My dear K tried to get me to talk to one of those Harley’s but I could not afford it… although I suppose if I REALLY wanted to, I could have found a way. I didn’t want to do it alone, that was my problem. Anyway, My H posted also, as 3wishes, and it was clear from his posts that although he loved me, he was unwilling, and possibly unable, to Plan-anything me. He was bitter, and he wanted to punish me, and so he did, by having his own affairs. <P>I will not pretend that I did everything right in trying to save the marriage. Clearly, I didn’t. But I can say with certainty that I did do everything <B>within me</B> to save it. I loved my H with all of my heart, and I wanted to be on the way to a stronger marriage by our 20th anniversary (last April). Instead, he was with his latest OW, and I had met someone else. I loved my H, and he loved me, but for some reason we couldn’t seem to pull things together. I won’t go into a ‘he said, she said’ type of explanation, but I will say that I was working my [censored] off trying to be at least somewhat happily married, and my H, because of his depressive personality, was too busy being depressed and angry. He was still the gorgeous man I had married, but he was in such a bad place emotionally, and would not get help. He said, and says to this day, that he will not get help for his depression by way of therapy. He believes that Jesus will heal him. And boy, I hope Jesus does, because he needs some help!<P>I filed for divorce in May, and it will be final in early October. Did I want it? No, I really fought it with all my heart and soul. But by the time May came around, yes, I could see no other choice. I see him almost daily, and it breaks my heart. He is with the same OW that, in my mind, ended our marriage. I wish them luck, and especially her, because David can be pretty difficult. She loves him, he’s not so sure he loves her… but… in pictures with her he looks happy and she’s got her hand on his thigh, so they look pretty much like a couple to me. <P>I do believe that this stuff works… to a point. I believe in total honesty, and I couldn’t say that even six months ago, because my being honest drove my H to find solace out there. I DO now, completely! I believe in meeting emotional needs, and Plan A’ing everyone in your life, if possible. It makes YOU a better person and makes you feel good about yourself and those around you. <P>I will always have a kind of love for the man who saved me from myself at 21. I was headed on the track to nowhere and he gave me love and hope that I could be a better person. He gave me three beautiful children, held me when I was sick, did a damn good job of financially supporting his family, and he is a good man in many ways. Just not a good man for me anymore.<P>Yes, I am seeing the same someone I mentioned above. Our beginnings were not the best, as we are both going through the endings of long-term marriages. But… we both have learned some things through all of this, and hopefully will not make the same mistakes with each other that we made with our stbx-spouses. <P>So, I will say I am somewhat of a success. Maybe, with this bit of closure, I will be able to log out of here one last time and never look back. But I will never forget this time in my life: the Marriage Builder year… the year I found myself and liked what I found.<P>Best wishes to EVERYONE! <P>Sheryl<BR>

Sheryl,<P>Good luck on leaving MB forever---God knows that I've tried a time or two... <P>You have a tremendous story here---you really did work very hard on this, and you've learned a ton. You've also been a source of information and inspiration for many on this board---and I know that you've taught me a thing or two!<P>I'm glad you like who you see in the mirror!

My dear, dear friend....<P>Good for you! I know how hard you worked, how very much you've endured. I am proud of you.<P>Much peace and love to you, Honey. We'll be thinking of you always.<P>Love,<P>Lori

((((((((((((Sheryl))))))))))))))<P>I really like the 'you' you found too... <P>much love to you....oh so very much happiness is being sent your way.....<P>maybe we can rent out the 'cave' to others who may need it now...somehow, I don't think we'll be using it much..LOL...<P>you have grown so very much, and have been an inspiration to many here...because of your honesty...<P>I love you Sheryl.<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

Dearest Sheryl,<P>Hey...<BR>...you know something...<BR>...<B>you're still loved</B>... <P>You will always be a friend to me...<P>Not every marriage was really meant to be.<BR>Seeds of "imaturity"...<BR>...moral or otherwise may have existed a long time ago...<BR>...and choke off the better seeds of Plan A.<P>Know that I wish you the happiest life possible...<BR> <P>And perhaps our paths will cross again on this forum... or even elsewhere. <P>Your friend...<P>Jim

Sheryl:<P>Just wanted to wish you well on your new journey...Hey, now you are New new beginnings...<P>Good luck.<P>Kathi<P>

Sheryl,<P>Your back posting??? <P>It sounds like things are falling into place for you. I am very happy that you are getting all of this together.<P>You know you have my best wishes and hopes for your future.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Sheryl,<P>I'm glad you have found the peace you deserve. Good Luck to you and your new M.<P><BR>Jill

Sheryl, dear...I'm so happy to read that you are finding closure for yourself. You have worked so hard and are so honest in your quest for a new beginning.<P>You have been such a great support for me and for many others.<P>I wish you the best of luck. Thank you for posting this....

Well, HOW NICE to see all of your smiling faces!! <P><B>K</B>,<P>Hello Mr. MarriageBuilder, aka Steve Harley! No folks, he isn't really, but he knows enough to be!!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Good luck on leaving MB forever---God knows that I've tried a time or two... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know! Hooowwwwwww embarrassing for me. Up to now I haven't been able to stay away completely. <P>So wonderful to hear from you...<P>I hope you get that last bit of marital bliss you are hoping for soon!!<P><B>lostva</B>,<P>Hello sweetie-pie!!!!<P>Big Hugs and much love to you too!<P>Ah, my dear <B>soulloss</B>,<P>Keep on sending those happy thoughts to me baby!! Your email arrived and I will write back tonight.<P>Love you honey!!<P><hanging head in utter mock-humiliation > My dear <B>NSR</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Not every marriage was really meant to be.<BR>Seeds of "imaturity"...<BR>...moral or otherwise may have existed a long time ago...<BR>...and choke off the better seeds of Plan A.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is downright prolific my friend!!<P>Bestest wishes to you Jim! You know where to find me, unless I find you first! <P><B>kam6318</B>,<P>One of the SMARTEST women on this site!!!!!!!!<P>Take good care of yourself and your H.<P>Hey there to my friend <B>Just Learning</B>,<P>Cyber or not, I count you among the best I've had.<P>Take care! And one last for ya!<P><B>crazy or what?</B>,<P>Peace to you too Jill. You deserve it!<P><B>Survivor, aka_NoTrust</B>,<P>You'll always be NoTrust, the betrayed spouse who loved me in spite of my mistakes.<P>Take care dear one.<P>So ya'll... I'll be hanging about until tomorrow or so... just checking in here... wish me luck as I embark on my post-MB status... I'll need it!! <P>Love to all

Sheryl,<P>I am so glad to hear from you and to hear you are doing so well. You were always there ready with a 2x4 for Arik's head (LOL ) trying to make him see before it was too late the mistakes he was making. And always ready to offer support to those who needed it, myself included.<P>God Bless you Sheryl <P>My prayers are for much happiness for you<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Sheryl,<P>Well, I am glad to see that you have made it back to us !<P>I know this hasn't been easy and this isn't the outcome you wanted. But you can go into this new portion of your life knowing that you did all you could.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Sheryl,<P>I'm glad things are working out for you and your new M. You deserve good things.<P>Good luck staying away! <P>I'll be going into lurk mode for a while I think. I justed started meds and now that they're starting to work, I have a lot of 'inside' work to do. I probably won't be in a place to discuss relationship stuff until I've faced all my demons and have this depression under control. This will take some time. (Look how long it took for me to get help with the depression! Ugghhh!)<P>Good luck to you, Sheryl!<BR>

<B>Patient Love</B>,<P>Hey Nicole!!!!! Good to see you too... and even better to see you recovering with Arik. That's what really, truly matters to most of us around here, and I'm so happy for you.<BR>God Bless you too!<P><B>Bozos_ Deb</B>,<P>Hello old friend!<P>I just want to wish you and Boz (it's actually Mike, isn't it?) the best...<P>...and also to tell you that the work you're doing re: Hep C is fantastic! I personally know TWO people, in my small circle of friends, who are Hep C positive. In one case, it's so very sad, because his mother died from it, and he's been through two rounds of interferon (sp?) himself. His wife won't acknowledge that she might be at risk, and won't get tested. Ick, and double ick. Scary stuff.<P>Best wishes as you continue to rebuild your marriage. <P><B>TruthSeeker</B>,<P>Well, my dear woman, you are in for a ride I think!! Wonderful news about the meds... and even better that you're ready to face those demons! I wish you peace and good, good wishes as you begin this leg of your journey.<P>Big Hugs!!!<P>~Sheryl (just checking in for today)<BR>

I hope I made it before you are gone *forever* . I've intended to go into lurker mode more than once...I suppose the key is just not to come here at all.<P>You've made a hard decision, but one I know you came to with much thought & prayer.<P>I wish you the best. You've got my email if you need. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Hey Lor,<P>Yeah, just dropping by a few times to day to check out my thread here... makes me feel loved, doncha know!!!<P>Yes, you'll hear from me... I know where you are!<P>Hugs, Sheryl

Wish me luck...<P>This was my very last log in to the Marriage Builders website!<P>Love to all...<P>Over and out.<P>~Sheryl <BR>

aaaaaawwwwwwwww..........<P>I miss her already.<P> <BR> <BR> <P>have a great journey, my friend.

I do to.<P>JL

5 bucks says she'll be back <P>B