SHA,<P>Being the eternal optimist, and always finding silver linings, I think that there's a real upside to your discovery. It would be my supposition that you've made progress for the last year+ in demonstrating love to your wife. It hasn't knocked her off the fence, however.<P>The bad news is what you're dreading. You'll probably need to go to the Plan B separation route, and I would definitely make sure that it's your wife that's out.<P>The good news is that this affair is still very "fantasy" based. Once reality sets in, I think your wife will have a very difficult time. After she hits bottom, your efforts will begin to pay off. I would predict that she would come back. And what's more, the slowness of your recovery has been impacted by her fence-sitting. I truly believe that if she can come back and get through withdrawal, you'll be back to having a marriage that YOU want, and in a much faster timeframe.<P>OK---I've penned your happy ending. I hope it comes true. Hang in there, good friend.<P>And God bless.

SHA = I was so distressed to read your post, but I agree, perhaps plan B will be your necessary route now. Give it some thought anyway.<BR>You are awesome - just don't forget that! You are worth so much more. You give great love and deserve great love in return.

<B>Dr. K & Alberta</B><BR>I'm feeling a little better. My mind is clearing and I am now considering what to do. I kinda know what to do, but I'm trying to prepare myself for this confrontation. I never was one who beleived in Plan B. I have always thought that separation doesn't really help. I fear, if we did separate, that I would lose sight of the marriage; not my wife. If my wife wants a separation, I would give it to her, it wouldn't be my choice. I do agree that she would be the one to go. <P>I thought my wife had already hit bottom. If she hasn't - dang, I can't imagine what that would be like. It has already been pretty bad. <P>I'm sure our confrontation will do something one way or the other. Thanks for your help. <P>SHA

SHA,<P>You know I read K's post here and smiled. I know why I like him, he is a realistic optimist. I go at life a bit like that as well. I have thought a bit about your situation. And I was wondering.<P>Is it possible that she is falling in love with or is in love with but still wants that illusory "friendship" with OM? You now to prove that she didn't completely blow it by falling for him. <P>I admire that you have let the dust settle before doing anything about this, but as the time nears, be firm but nice to her. Her bubble world is about to burst.<P>As I said before I think Plan B is a viable option, but the decisions are yours. Only you know what you can handle and where you want this to go or can allow it to go.<P>As usual, my thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL, <P>I believe you are right about what she may be going through. I know justification of feeling is a strong motivator for a WS. I'm sure she is thinking that if this affair totally died, then everything that happened for the past two years was ALL a mistake. It would ALL be for NOTHING. That's a big pill to swallow in the WS's mind. <P>If the only result is that the people around us get hurt, what does that say about our actions? So, yes I'm sure she wants to keep a friendship alive to prove she can handle being "just friends". <P>A separation is something I would allow, I just don't know if I will be the one to suggest it. It's hard to say until the actual confrontation. You never know how youare going to react in a confrontation until you're in it. For me, I try to think through the scenarios to prepare myself. I also won't drop a bomb on her and force her in a corner. I'll probably write my feelings out on paper and let her read it. That will allow her some time to think about what she wants to do as well. <P>Thanks for your thoughts my friend, <P>SHA