I have this continuing fantasy. It has to do with making trouble for the OW in an attempt to once and for all get her out of my life. I would like to send an anonymous note to her H telling him to monitor his W communication with my H (although not stated that way) and, tell him further that the relationship is not so innocent. Since I live on one coast and they on another I would not want to send it from this part of the country.<P>Two questions for your input: (1) should I do this and (2) if so, how can I do it anonymously with a postmark from their state?

Although it is deliciously tempting to do this, I don't think it would be a wise thing to do. No matter how anonymous you try to be, a) it'll come back to you somehow, and b)you're doing something underhanded and dishonest which brings you down to "her" level! What I have done is compose actual letters to OW, but never sent them. I hung on to them, read them a few times then pitched them. Very therapeutic.<BR>So, IMHO - I wouldn't do it - for real anyway.

Nonononononono!<P>Sorry to be so negative, but I think the best advice would be to do your darndest to <B>cut all ties</B>! Don't talk about OW to H, don't tell H that you think about OW, don't plan your lives around OW. She's not worth the attention!<P>I know this is very very difficult -- I had to go through the same thing. It only gets better when OW is completely out of the picture. I had terrible thoughts about what I'd do to OM, what I'd say to curse him, etc. It was not good for me at all. I lost sleep, had stomach aches, headaches.... you name it. After I mentally made the decision to stop focussing on OM and A did I start my slow but sure road to recovery.<P>You have hundreds of people here that love and support you, don't forget that!<P>I pray you will find the strength to let go and go on and live your own lives (you and H)!

Alberta and Nofaith,<P>Thanks for responding so quickly and so wisely. In my head and my heart I know that I can't do it. I guess that's why it's a fantasy.<P>With my H and OW there is continued e-mail contact--a "friendship". Something she said on a recent e-mail really ticked me off so the fantasy reared its head again.

Have you talked about Plan A with H? I strongly believe that you can't play with fire without being burned!<P>I would suggest that you and H sit down and write up a "this is the last email" note to OW, sign it from both of you, then get on with your lives together WITHOUT OW. H can't have his cake and eat it, too!