well, we talked last night and said some pretty harsh things.....Husband said he couldn't help us till he got his head on straight; in other words got her out of his mind, but he turned right around and told me that he can't tell her to leave him alone because he "loves her" and its hard to tell someone to leave u alone when all you do is think about them....she waits at night for a phone call from him, even if its just to hear his voice, and he thus in turned called her last night to tell her good night and he loves her.......but as good forturne would have it, her sister wouldn't let my husband talk to her....he has told her to leave him alone because he was staying home, this was about a week ago. how can you live with someone who thinks of another woman????? he says he wants to work on us, but is difficult right now due to seeing her at work, thank god she goes to midnights today and he stays on days....i couldn't sleep last night at all, all i could do was think of the things he told me and the phone call he made to her...he says that he doesn't have to be in the house to talk to her, he can go outside to talk to her....but he's missing the point, he's still talking to her because he wants to hear her voice and she wants to hear his.....god, this hurts so damn much!!!!!! i am so scared, don't know what to do, to say; i just want to be happy and forget this even happened!!!! i've never done anything for him to do this to me, never cheated or even thought of it, i am a very dutiful wife....he says its because he gets love and attention from her, and that i don't give it to him, i just go on about my life and he's just there.....which is so not true...i pay attention to him, and frequently.....we have a good sex life, and he insists that they haven't had sex, but came close several times....i am so hurt, how could he do this to me? to our child????? i can't hate him, or her, and i don't know why either. but i am very hurt, i can't eat or sleep, finding it hard to concentrate on anything.....i'm mad,hurt, devestated that this crap is still going on, but happy that he comes home to me....UGH!!!!!!!!!! someone please talk to me, AM SO LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help!!!!!!

Hello,<P>There is something i do not understand in this forum. Is a marriage builders thing, but does people has to accept all the things their patners do to them?<P>I tell you something, i am not the best, maybe to other in this place i am wrong but i will let you know that waiting for a man to live his lover to get back with him or letting him live in the same place, have sex with him and knowing that he is in-love with another, to my opinion is unaceptable.<P>I know it must be hard, and i consider you because you got a strengh that i do not think i will ever have. But think about one thing, you are there, living with him as far as i understood, having like you said good sex with him and he still says he loves the other. I do not understand american culture, and i am not critizing you, just that is strange. There is a big difference from forgiving a person that has cheated on you and trying to make things better, than living like you are right now.<P>I think you should beggin living your live, is hard but not impossible, others had done it they are no better than you. That does not mean that you should go out and do the same thing to you H but, sometimes, when last importance you give one thing, the closer it becomes. Is there a reazon why he has to be in the same house than youm, yes i am talking about seperation and you know why? because as long as he is there, as you accept what he does, he will never stop. when a partner looks for a lover, is because there is something missing in the marriage, but you cannot give it to him if he is not willing to give it a try.<P>I know, that not everything works in life, but there is a thing that most of the time does work. He wants a lover, than let him go to his lover, let his lover make him dinner, iron his clothes, clean his house, and do everything for him. He wants a lover, than out of the house, because under your roof there is no place 3. If he goes and does not comes back than you know that you would had lose him anyway. A person can only tried so much, there are times when you got to let the bird run free. It is called respect, how can in a marriage be respect if the partner is cheating and the other is letting it happen on your face. Kids? well you got to know that from what you had said or i understood you had tried, do not waist the rest of your life on something that hurts so much. You have donde nothing wrong this time, because whatever caused him to cheat on you was probably a mistake of your part, but right now is no more a mistake he is just doing it because he wants to, and you are not going to be the woman i hope that waits until forever. Surelly i tell you if i was you and had tried as much as you had i would never ever wait for him. if he ever wanted to come back he surelly will not want to have an affair for as long as he lives. You got to be hard, and show him that you do not accept it, that you rather suffer once and for all than having the mistreating of a every day pain.<P>Hope i have been of help.<P>Leticia.