I stayed home this am and spoke with him. I thought I did good. We calmly discussed what he is taking, and were in agreement. He said he is moving out wednesday. He asked if I was going to change the locks and I said probably because if it was just him I wouldn't but I don't trust OW and she has no repsect for me and I did not want to take the chance that she would be in my house again. He said " she wouldn't do that" Ya right, like she wouldn't have an affair with a married man for 1 1/2 years or **** him in my home right? I didn't say the last part, but I know, mentioning her was probably a LB.<P>We discussed some unfinished projects around the house that he said he will do. We agreed to change the locks, but let him continue access to the garage for awhile for his stuff, and leave the trailer here.<P>I said I was still looking at this as a trial seperation, and that I hoped if he found that it wasn't what he wanted that we could talk.<P>Then I talked to his sister and got discouraged. She doesn't think there is a chance of him returning. His brother has a history of 3 marriages and 2 long term livein realtionships and certainly has not set any examples of how to repair a relationsip. All he knows is to move on and try again. SIL is supportive of me and says I am still invited to family holidays, even if H and OW are there, boy doesnt that sound like a fun time? I remenber Lostvas story of his family, but its hard to hold out hope in the face of everyone telling you to move on.<BR>Lora<BR>

{Lora},<P>You have my thoughts and prayers...<P>...only <B>you</B> know when it will be time for <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>...<P> <P>Jim<P>

Lora,<BR>I am here lurking as usual.my thoughts and prayers are with you also.You have my support.bethn

I always type in burnedsouse(no p) and I write this great note and they Sorry>>><P>Lora, You have done very well. you two actually came to a negotiating agreement. Bravo! I think it is a good start.<P>Know we are all thinking about you and praying.<P>B

NSR,<BR> I think I will start a thread about plan B, I still want opinions.<P>Beth, always good to hear from you, glad you are lurking. I read your post too, sorry you are feeling like you have no choice, but you do. Take your time and deciede what you want.<P>Burned, I do feel like I handled it OK. The most we have talked in a long while, and maybe even the most we have negotiated ever. I guess maybe I will take comfort in the fact that I have learned some skills and handled myself with dignaty in the face of a very hard conversation, didn't aviod it , didn't make him defensive. Just having a hard time feeling any hope, for this relationship or for any in the future.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>I'm sorry it turned out to be this way.<BR>you have my thoughts and prayers also. I don't reply much, but lurking a lot.<P>OffOnOnOff

Hi Lora:<P>That discussion did go well. No LB'ers...he'll walk away knowing that you have been the big person in all of this...have made a big effort in the face of real adversity...keep it up.<P>Don't worry too much about what SIL said. His brother is not him. I think it is a measure of how much your SIL cares that she is trying to get you to let go so that you won't get hurt further. And don't give up hope...moving out doesn't mean he's gone for good...look at it as a breather for both of you and a period of learning what's important for him...they really can learn you know although at times it doesn't seem so.<P>Buffy

OOOO,<BR>Thanks for the toughts and prayers, I can use all I can get these days.<P>Buffy,<BR>Do you have proof that they can learn? <BR>I think that is what is scaring me, to leave it up to him to learn and grow. Still have a few issues with letting go and lack of control.<BR>Lora