Thank you max,<BR>I will look for that book soon. Divorce has popped up in my mind so many times from the past. I was thinking about the same thing, but there is something going on that I have to wait for the next 100 days to talk to my W. By then, I would ask her that unless she stops all contact with the OM, She has to leave the house or Plan D (divorce) will take place. I also believe that unless the big rock hits her head, she would not wake up. That was/is who she is. I know you should not fight fire with fire, but in her case, it might be the only option. However, I will read the book and prepare my kids for it first.<BR>Thanks,<BR>OOOO<BR>

There was a review done by <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010263.html" TARGET=_blank>Readers of "Love Must be Tough" - Please Reply</A>…..Roll Me Away….12/1/1999<BR>Check it out!<P>I have always said the same thing...<BR>...Why hasn't Dr. Harley written separate books on Plan A and Plan B?...<BR>...Oh well!<P>In a sense Plan A is covered in the combination of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank> Needs, Her Needs"</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank> Busters"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6010_give.html" TARGET=_blank> & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"</A><P>...but only <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> An Affair"(SAA)</A> covers Plan B to any real extent!<P><B>OffOnOnOff</B>...<BR>This may seem harsh...<BR>...but planning for Plan B will make you consider some options...<BR>1. open up separate accounts, savings/checking/etc.<BR>2. move funds that are clearly earmarked for kids education to a separate trust fund<BR>3. Develop a relationship with someone who can act as an intermediary between you and your W<BR>4. Draft the Plan B letter... even if your not moving their right now!<BR>5. Kids must be prepared!!! (Hardest part )<BR>6. Logistics of living arrangements, financial support, and visitations need to be thought out carefully!<BR>7. ...and of course... get that MB counseling going!<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Thank you Jim,<P>I’m printing the “Readers of “Love Must….”” Post right now. I will read them later.<BR>I have not finished SAA and/or other books yet. Like my name, I’m On and Off about this whole thing. My W was also On and off about re-commit to our marriage. I know deep in side she felt hurt and pain about what she did to me. But, since she is so hard headed, she did not want to admit her guilt.<P>Jim, she did open her own checking account two month ago. But I have not removed her name out of my checking and saving account yet. The kids have their own accounts for their education with both of my name and my W name as custodians, but it is not a trust fund. I’m working on #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, and others.<P>Again thank you Jim for being here for me.<BR>

I just have a vent here. She fears coworkers and family finding out??? Your W has little/no regard for your feelings - you owe no protection of hers. She wants you to suffer in silence. If kids were indeed #1 priority she would work on her marriage, quit being so self-centered. You said she fears breaking up his family. HE is the one who made the decision to have A. And my biggest one: Cell phones. I have seen so much on MB posts about cells. When I discovered my H's A via cell phone bill I went into garage the next day and smashed it to bits with a hammer. Your W was angry when you asked her to give hers up -- how angry are you that she continues to use it? (Not recommending that you smash hers, that was my own personal solution)

Thank you JR61 for your reply.<BR>Yes, that is what she was afraid of the most. The fear of being found out by her co-workers (they work together) and family members. She even said that she’s already given up PA and stayed for the kids’ sake. She felt that she ‘s already sacrificed her own happiness to be here. Therefore, I should do the same for the kids until they grow up. I think she said this to make me feel guilty or justify her affair. <P>You just said it. She was so self-centered. They didn’t know that I knew their cell phone numbers. So far I have not made any phone call to those numbers yet. I was thinking about leaving a message there for both of them. But what would I get out of it? <BR>