Help....where can I go to read more about the incredible force that can pull you into and internet affair...I backed away from the "frying pan" and "fell into the fire."<P>Need to hear more ...am hoplessly entangled with a woman I never met in person...and love her so. Please help!

Tman,<P>I don't know you're story...<P>Check your profile... and you've been around a while.<P>A few early recommendations...<BR>Run from this woman...<BR>Change <B>all</B> your email account she knows of... and/or make new ones!<P>Pleae update your profile... and give us some more background.<P>Jim

Tman, aren't you the one in love with the woman at your church, but you were insisting it wasn't an emotional affair?<P>So you gave that up, and then started one on the Internet?<P>What kind of glutton for punishment are you?<P>Listen, my friend. It's time for you to stop looking for God to help you and take the bull by the horns and face your situation. It's time for you to either start communicating with your W in an effort to make things better, or get out of the marriage and THEN prowl around as much as you want to.<P>You are not "hopelessly entangled." All you have to do is click "Start", then "shut down", then "OK".

Hi Tman,<P> You're a pastor right? Why don't you call Steve H....something is going on with you and you need to fix it NOW...before you self destruct and/or ruin your family....Lu

<BR>Right on, Dazed. I marvel at how people can keep blaming everything other than themselves for the messes they create. The standard desktop computer I'm familiar with doesn't jump up, strap you down, and force you to engage long, langorous chat sessions with virtual paramours. At least not the one I just ordered.<P>Same with affairs. No one has ever, to my knowledge, held a gun to anyone's head here and threatened death to someone who wished to remain faithful to their spouse. All this business (with the emphasis on BUSY) takes INCREDIBLE EFFORT! You just don't "fall into," this sort of behavior, it is VOLITIONAL, and the fact is that there are SO MANY points along the way where one can effectively pull the plug before allowing oneself to be sucked into the whirlpool of self-created insanity, that destroys not only one's own life but the lives of others.<P>Unfortunately, as a product of ignorance these thoughts are very difficult to eradicate. There are many, many antidotes to this sort of confusion, but one good one I know is spending time contemplating the consequences of one's behavior BEFORE acting in a way that compromises both our own and others' interests.<P>This is what true adults do. Children (in either age or mentality) do not ever take the time to consider the effects of their behaviors, and consequently seek only to please themselves and damn the consequences. There is a term for this: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder," (NPD) and it's even a category in the DSM-IV.<P><BR>

Tman, you're a pastor?????????<P>Hmmmm, I keep hearing more and more about pastor's and affairs. I should know.<P>Have you been "removed" from your post? Stripped of your license? Forbidden to return to your church?<P>Yeah, I know all about it. I know another pastor that hasn't learned his lesson yet either. If you wanna e-mail me, you can.<P>maya_bryan@hotmail.com

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 02:49 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Is this woman married? Are you married. My wife slept with a so called reverend she met on the net. IMHO clergy who cheat are the lowest of the low. How can one be such a hypocrite? I think you are just looking for sympathy to rationalize your having an affair. You have an incredible force available to you that you can use to pull away from this terrible thing before you get into it..........it's called willpower. It's as powerful as the games you are playing now. Practice what you preach.

Tman!<BR>I have just survived? the worst years of my 24 year marriage. My H decided to play on the net with another woman. I have no way to convey the hurt that the affair brought about to us. <BR>Alleyoop

Tman!<BR>I have just survived? the worst years of my 24 year marriage. My H decided to play on the net with another woman. I have no way to convey the hurt that the affair brought about to us. <BR>Alleyoop

Tman!<BR>I have just survived? the worst years of my 24 year marriage. My H decided to play on the net with another woman. I have no way to convey the hurt that the affair brought about to us. <BR>Alleyoop<P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>

Clarification from memory....<P>Yes, a pastor - but his emotional affair was with a woman at a school that they both taught at. His withdrawal was during the summer.<P>The school job continued this year, but they are now in different buildings.<P>Tman does believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I believe he was not completely honest with his wife about his emotional affair, and I think they both aren't meeting each other's emotional needs. <P>Pastors aren't perfect. Don't jump all over him because he is a pastor, he just may be one of those fix it kind of guys that gets involved with people and the attraction begins to take over. This means that tman has some serious emotional needs that are not being met at home, no different than any other poster on this board. <P>Especially in his line of work, he is going to need support from us, not criticism - to help him get his marriage back on track - so that he can effectively do his job and be who he is without committing adultery emotionally, physically or in any other way possible. (am beginning to realize that there isn't just 2 ways.)<P>TNT