Hi<P>I am at the very angry and hate phase of the post recovery of A.<P>I was advised and also read that the process a BS goes through upon confirmation of the adultery is : shock, denial, grieving (for lose of spouse through A), anger, hatred, bitterness, forgiveness, healing, restoration (of oneself) which may go into rebuilding 9of the marriage).<P>I am currently reading "Forgive and Forget - healing the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis B. Smedes.<P>A pastor told me that 'forgiveness is an antiseptic that you keep applying unto your wounds until it is healed'. It is an analogy of the biblical saying 'forgive your brother seventy by seven times'. This alludes to the same sin and implies the difficulty one has in order to overcome the pain and hurt and anger and bitterness (tormentors) of that same sin done against you. <P>If we simply sweep the tormentors away and cover the wound, the skin may heal over the sore, only to erupt in a huge messy pus some time later.<P>Your anger could be due to incomplete forgiveness (or distrust again because of some suspicions or getting off the medication). I have made the choice to forgive for my sake but am finding it hard to unload the stones of hatred and anger in my heart. I have also turned physically violent since some time back and I need to deal with the anger.<P>I was recommended some anti depressants but could not take those because I was breastfeeding at that time. SO I was in a very bad shape as I could not detach myself and level the chemicals in my brain. <P>Getting off the medication is good or it may become an addiction or create side effects. However, I would suggest seeing your psychiatrist to lower the dosage until you are weaned off. At the same time, you may get into some anger management plans and to talk to your spouse about your feelings for reassurances.<P>I know that anger and hatred are pain we face and it is impossible to endure. Sadly, the WS are sometimes saddled with the guilt but not the pain. SO we do ourselves and our loved ones the favour by healing ourselves. I am afraid this is at the moment mostly rhetoric from me, a self confessed very angry person.<P>If you have some measure of success in getting past your anger, please drop me a line, I would really appreciate that.<P>God bless and Loves you<BR>Take care<BR>weep<P>
