Well, I went for my mammogram yesterday, but won't know the results for a week. But the lump is almost gone with antibiotics so i am pretty sure it ws only an infection. Thats a big releif!<P>H started moving yesterday. Makes me both sad and sort of angry to see evidence of him sorting through our belongings and picking what he will take. We discussed the big stuff, but seeing he has sorted through CDs and movies just sort of ticked me off. He is again avoiding me, isn't here when I get home from work. I am afraid I won't even see him to say goodbye.<P>Then he left me a note saying he would be around to help me with some things I asked him to show me how to do. What do you think that means?<P>I am going a little crazy, I called a # I found on his cell phone that I think is OW. A man answered, and even though I blocked my # with *67, someone called me right back and didn't say anything. So now I am paranoid about that.<P>I don't know how I will make it through the day. Hopefully work will take my mind off of it. Please keep me in your prayers today.<BR>Lora

Hi,<P>pull yourself together and think maybe, just maybe, the lump was awake up call to you and us BS to take stock of our lives and live fully!<P>sometimes I really really want the divorce so badly because then I wouldn't need to stay and face WS and try to work it out. You know, the marriage is so dead and rotten now, I just want to get on with my own life and heal and go blast and live my life for a change.<P>You know, my WS is a great fool, we hired live-in help and I hadn't fix him any food or drink in months. So when I felt a twinge of wanting to fix him a drink, I asked today and he did not even look up and said not now. So I told him how stupid he was to refuse a good gesture that took me months to do. After months of fights, he cannot even open his eyes to an olive branch. He really is the stupidiest man on this earth!<P>So that brings me to the point that many men are never actually living in the moment. Most are squandering their time thinking of something else or doing something else, but failed to see and appreciate the ones under their noses. <P>I think men are nomads and undomestic, they just need to keep moving, keep getting about and the wives are just a minor distraction in teir lives to make them more comfortable and to do the chores. Once they tire of the other side, some may crawl back.<P>So, this brings me to the same principle of Living for God and Oneself, not for a wimpy selfish man who easily forgets good people and good values.<P>I posted something for Discarded on Divorced and Divorcing (the longer of her two threads) concerned living a full life.<P>God Loves YOu<BR>Take care<BR>weep

I remembered today was moving day. How difficult for you!<P>However, when he is out the door, you can sweep up those egg shells you have been walking on. <P>I hope you feel a sense of relief and an opportunity to rest your mind.<P>

Lora,<P>It's very hard to watch them move out. My h has a couple times. <P>It's normal to worry that you will not see him to say goodbye. I used to worry when my h did live here that I would come home one day and his things would be gone. Now that he's gone I don't have to panic about that. <P>While it's very hard to have them gone what FHL says is true, at least you won't be walking on egg shells around him anymore. That is a huge relief. While I want my h to live here full time, sometimes when he is here I want him to leave so I don't worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. It's kind of a catch 22. In a way it's easier to not have them around but in my case I worry about where he is when he is not here!<P>It'll be a tough day but you'll get through it. Keep busy, get your nails done, pedicure, tan, read a book, paint,clean, anything to keep your thoughts on something else.<P>Chris

Lora,<BR>It strikes me that your H isn't rushing out. I know at the point you are at, I usually pressed Guard--and then he'd leave quickly, without any stuff, sometimes just walking out the door and getting in his car. I felt if he was going--GO, if he was staying, let's work on the marriage. But he didn't see it that way. I have wondered if it was a way to make me feel like it was partially my fault--"I can't live with you when you are like this, Lor."<P>There's so little you can do other than force him to leave or walk on eggshells. I feel frustrated for you and at the memories I have.<P>As for your H saying he'll be around to help you, my H always said I could count on his help. For him it meant he cared for me, cared for my well-being, intended to make sure that the kids & I were physically & domestically ok, but didn't care enough to stay.<P>I'm glad your lump is going away. <P>I'm not sure if you're on or have considered anti-depressants, but I found them to be a big help, especially to deal with the kids on more of an even keel. I've been off since March, but the last couple weeks have started St. John's Wort again, as I just feel weepy a lot of the time. I think it's healing happening, some of the last of the hurts being processed.<P>You will make it through this.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Lora,<P>Its hard to see them move out, but sometines absence makes the heart grow founder.

Hi Lora,<P>Sorry about the big move. It must hurt a lot. No wisdom from here, just sympathy.<P>Be well.<P>

((((((((((lora))))))))))<P>I remember the day my H moved out. He was waving at me from the taxi. After he left I run back to my place and cried.<BR>It must be really hard for you right now.<BR>We are all here if you need us.<P>Meg

Hi Lora:<P>Moving day, huh. Remember it well, it was d-day and he had come back to the house to get some stuff....all he took was a plastic bag filled with clothes from his dresser...seemed more like a symbolic gesture then a real packing trip. But it was bad.<P>Perhaps it will be a blessing if you don't get to say goodbye. <P>I know this seems bad but it really is for the best...living with WS while he won't give up OW is not worth the wear and tear on you. And it doesn't mean it's over unless you want it to. <P>Have you decided whether you are going to keep Plan Aing or go on to Plan B? I know you seem to think Plan B will most likely be your route, but I urge you to take some time after he has left to re-evaluate how you feel and what you want to do from hereafter.<P>I personally would give him some time to experience what being away from home is like before I cut the ties by going "dark" as they say. Meanwhile get yourself together and try not to think about him (I know that's hard, but it does get easier). It allows you to concentrate more on yourself for a change. If it gets too hard, try some meds to cope. <P>We'll be thinking about you. Post alot so we can know how you're doing.<P><BR>Buffy<P><BR>

Lora,<BR>I remember that feeling, coming home and seeing more things of her's missing. As if I wasn't hurting enough today...I remember too well......<P>rrunrr<BR>

Thanks for all the encouraging words. Heres what happened this AM. H got up and I asked if he would be moved out today he said, well, today or tomorrow. I asked if we could say goodbye and he gave me a hug and I said I would miss him and I love him and he said, well, lets see what happens. So, I came home to most of his stuff gone, but he has some stuff here yet too. But he will probably come tomorrow while I am at work. So many blank spaces. <P>Thanks weep, I am trying to live for myself. Will start with moving furniture so it doesn't look empty here.<P>FHL, Yes, I am sort of looking forward to going to sleep and not having to keep one eye open to see when he comes home.<P>Hoping,<BR>Well, I put another coat of finish on the deck. Maybe I will get lots of projects done.<P>Lor,<BR>I worry that he is taking everything, but he is not hurrying. I don't know what he is thinking with all these projects he seems to be saying he will do... he hasn't been around here doing things for the past year, why would he start now that he has moved out?<BR>I started some homeopathic meds to try and see if they help.<BR>Lora

Tigger,<BR>LOL at first I thought you said abstinence make the heart grow fonder. He should be really fond of me if that is the case. Shows where my mind is.<P>Bellevue, thanks for the words of support.<P>MF,<BR> I cried all the way to work and must have looked pretty bad when I got there. But it helped to have a busy day to keep me busy.<P>Buffy, I will cont plan a for awhile, maybe a month or so and see how I feel. I have a feeling he will not be in contact anyway so maybe it will be no big deal.<P>rrrunrr,<BR>Sorry my day stirred up bad things for you. I hope you are doing better now. Just tell me , do you live in Gig Harbor?<BR>Lora

Hi Lora<P>I have been following your posts for quite sometime and I just want to say how sorry I am that it has came to this.<P>BUT this may be the turning point for you and your husband. He has, up to this point, had OW and you meeting his needs. He has had you at home and her whenever it suited him. Now you will be out of the equation and he will have to let her fulfill all of his needs.<P>She has never had to do that before and he will be surprised how often he thinks about you. Stay focused on yourself and try as hard as you can to detach from the situation, it is not really about you at this stage it is about him and his indecision. <P>I just want you to know that I have been through what you are going through and my heartbreaks for you and I just want you to know that no matter what happens you will survive this and you do have a life that is worth living. You are a good lady with nothing to reproach yourself for.<P>I honestly believe that your husband will see the light and eventually come home, that is, if you still want him.<P>I send you my prayers for a strong healing force to take over your heart. God Bless you.<P>FET

FET,<BR> I was kind of glad he took some momentos of our trips together, maybe he will remember some of our good times.<P>I will be patient awhile longer and hope OW begins to LB. I already know that she calls him too early in the AM, his phone was beeping for a voice mail yesterday and he was swearing at it as it woke him up. Maybe its Ok for her to wake him now, but he really gets cranky with lack of sleep. <BR>Lora

Lora,<BR>Tried to im you ,but lost you.Just wanted to see if you are all right.I will Lite a candle and say a prayer for you and H tonite.<BR>Love and prayers,bethn