peppermint~<P>I like you have recently had a 2nd discovery. I am curious about something. Firestorm posted that you are doing great on handling this discovery. I think it is great that he is being totally honest with you regarding the affair. I feel my husband is as well. But I hurt even more this time. <P>Are you on anti-depressants? I am taking St. John Worts and counseling. I have been talking with my husband who is also my best friend (as he says that as well and did even during his affair) about my feelings. I have never (I mean never) been so open as I am now with him. The first around I held everything inside. I talk trying not to LB to express my thoughts.<P>It has been one month since our second discovery, about the same time frame as you and firestorm. Do you think that this time it seems so different? For me it is different, I think that is because I will leave him, I am strong enough to do that. <P>My husband has said many different things, like he see the OW for what she really is, and she wasn’t as pretty as he thought she was, she is co-dependent. He says that I am very pretty. He tells me that I am so much stronger then he could be, by staying in our marriage. He says he really feels different, meaning it came to a natural death. He was wanting it to end and is glad I caught them.<P>He is not having much withdrawal this time, last time it was horrible and that is why the affair restarted. The pain was just too much. He has been honest and told me that he misses her and hurts alittle, but he is not in pain from her.<P>I hate this feeling, I know this is the last time, because I am strong enough to leave him for good if anything happens again. I plan A’d my husband for six months, even thought he was in contact with the ow for four of the six months without my knowledge. Plan A really is for the betrayed spouse because I like me again. <P>The last month is when it turned physical again and that is when my husband was trying not to be mean too me but it still come out and I thought I was going crazy.<P>I know time will help. My husband will be going out of town for about a week. <P>I asked him last night if I was pushing him away and he said no, and asked is that what I wanted. I said no, just afraid that is what I was doing by asking and talking to him about my feelings. This open and honest thing is different, cuz I am not afraid to tell him I hurt and he is very supportive. We are not discussing anymore of the details of the affair, but we are working on our marriage together. My husband doesn’t want to hurt me anymore regarding the details of the affair, I have to agree. I already have too many details in my head. Since I caught them at our house. I keep reliving that day in my head. I hate this place I am in. I want our marriage more then anything and I feel he does too.<P>Thanks,<BR>Judy<P>

peppermint:<P>After reading your post to SHA. I think I feel the same just confused if giving my husband another chance. Sometimes I want to push my husband away, but he doesn't want that. I don’t really want to push him away, but he is the cause of my pain. He is stepping up and leading the way as firestorm is doing with you.<P>I hurt a lot but I think this is normal. If our marriage is to survive then it will. He is being patient. A no contact letter was sent to ow via email and she responded saying she was done and taking herself out of the loop. This is when she called me and told me a lot about the affair. Half truths again. <P>I asked questions about the affair for awhile but now I am working on myself while talking to my husband. Now is the time for me to relax and enjoy my husband. <P>I to am more at peace and secure this time. It is really amazing how things are similar.<P>Thanks,<BR>Judy<BR>

bighope<P>Do you think the OW called you to tell you these things to try and drive a wedge further between you and your H? I think we are in the same situation here. I talked to a counslor at work today. Her speciality, in the past, has been marital issues. Her take on the OW was that she was not after me but after my W. I do believe this. She has said and done things that have let us know that she does not want peppermint and myself to be together. She has told her H that she can not stay with him as long as we are together. fs

Hi Judy,<P>As I said in another post, this time has not been nearly as bad for me personally as the first time was. The part that IS worse is that our children know their father had an affair, and other family members know as well. I told NOBODY except a counselor the first time, but two of my friends figured out that my husband had cheated because of my heartbreak. Still, I told them NONE of the details.<P>I am not pushing firestorm away, but I am not clinging to him this time. Like your husband, firestorm was ready to get out of the affair and had begun to see the other woman for what she really is. When he began pulling back from her, she really began to "lovebust" and that helped clear the fog even more. She promised to "pay him back", and hence discovery occurred.<P>So here we are, starting again. But this time instead of me trying to "keep him in line", firestorm is taking the lead in saving our marriage. Time will tell if he is sincere in his efforts.<P>Wishing us all the best,<P>Peppermint

Judy,<P>I realized that I forgot to answer the question about anti-depressents. No, I am not and have not taken any, though my doctor tried to get me to at the beginning of this ordeal. In retrospect I probably should have listened to him. I don't need them this time, but I really did then.<P>Peppermint

peppermint:<P>Thanks for your reply. <P>Our children doesn't know of my husband's affair. They are young, but they have changed somewhat, and I feel that is because of the changes at home. They seem more clingy there ever. So we are showing them without saying anything that we are a loving couple as parents should. They have great boys, such big joys <P>Judy<P>

firestorm:<P>Yes OW is trying to drive a wedge between us. She can't have my husband so she wanted me to leave him as well. This is what my husband said, after she e-mailed him and told him that she talked to me. During this time I was on Plan "B", so when he called I would not talk to him. <P>In fact a friend of his called me and she knows what the OW is really like and what she was doing to me. That is one of the reasons that I am back with my husband.<P>It amazes me how the OP can turn mean when they don't get their ways!!! I guess it helps and shows their true self. <P>Thanks, best wishes to you,<BR>Judy