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#399111 09/13/00 08:57 PM
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I'm not sure our therapist is doing anything for us. We always feel worse when the session is over. I realize that may happen sometimes, but my H and I are starting to dread going. How can we find a therapist who practices the MB principles? I really want to do in person counseling.

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Lapiene--I just sent an email to make an appt with steve Harley--I don't know why anybody here would go to anybody else! <P>The first and only counselor we went to was nice but full of baloney!<P>I cringe at all the bad advice some of these people are allowed to give those of us in so much pain and turmoil. They can make or break a marriage. Don't mess around--go to the source of the Harley principles!<P>For you or anyone else that isn't sure how, just click on Counsel at the top of this page--or Home page will lead you to it too. Eventually you will reach scheduling--don't go there till you've read thru Counsel.<P>God Bless,<P>Leilana<p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited September 13, 2000).]

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I don't know about MB certified therapists but I also had a bad councelor in the begining. We found a very good councelor through an associtation web page. I can't remember the association but you can do a search and find it. It is something like Assoc of marriage and family therapists. They have standards that thier members must live us to and they all have special training in family and marriage issues. <P>Good luck.<P>Acacia

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Lapiene--sorry, reread your post and found that you specified "in person" counseling.<P>Isn't there a referral service in the Marriage Builders forum for MB certified counselors in your area? I remember looking for one in the beginning and there weren't any in my neck of the woods. <P>If not, I would still consider looking into the phone session counseling with a Harley. <P>acacia,<P>I am so glad you found a wonderful counselor to help you with your marriage. It's a rare thing. The first thing my non-Harley fully accredited-multi-diploma'd counselor told me was that she didn't see what the problem was with the coworking situation between my H and the OW. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>I know a four other counselors on a personal bases due to my profession (who I would not dream of going to! One is actually having an affair). They are human just like everyone else. They are well educated but sometimes make calls and judgements based on their own personal experiences and predjudices. Heaven help the couple where either the W or the H remind the counselor of their own ex-spouse or mother they never got along with. <P> They've taken courses and classes and seminars but Harley principles are a pathway that those other psych lessons just don't offer. <P> Some have never encountered the specific concerns your marriage has and don't really know how to deal with them. <P>Some counselors are just flying by the seat of their pants when they're handing out advice in unfamiliar territory. <P>I think marriages deserve better than that since they are the sanctioned by God, are the basic foundation of families, thus communities, thus nations, etc., etc.<P>And I've read too many threads where a person's counselor has: encouraged them to date (others!), give up/get a divorce, gotten sexually attracted, gotten judgemental and accusatory, etc. And I've only been here for four months! <P>Finding an counselor is crucial--but it should be done with as much care as you would make any life decision. That's why I'm going Harley--a phone session may be awkward (I don't know yet) but it beats what I've seen everywhere else hands down if it helps to rebuild our marriage.<BR> <BR>God Bless and good luck to you in yours.<BR> <BR>Aloha,<P>L<BR>

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You obviously believe in the MB principles; I guess by your posting here, therefore why settle for a copy when you can learn from an original? I have personally counselled with Steve for nearly 12 months, my W has counselled on and off for the same period.<P>Granted telephone counselling my not be for everyone but I still believe in going directly to the source...no matter what the issue... and think that you and your spouse may benefit greatly once you try the Harley's... besides, you save the time and cost of driving to a face to face counsellor.<P>Good luck!

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The association to which acacia is referring is the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). They are located in Alexandria (I think), Virginia. However, I can't say enough for telephone counseling with Steve Harley. Although there's no body language to interpret, he really is able to communicate and paces things appropriately. For example he has moved my H very slowly in the right direction because he knew that if he tried to do it too quickly he would have lost him. He refers to the beginning of the relationship between my H and him as a friendly adversarial relationship. He understands the issues and makes some good suggestions. If you are on this site you obviously believe in the MB principles and the Harley counseling follows that philosophy.

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Lapeine:<P>If you call the MarriageBuilder's office at 888-639-1639, you can do one of two things:<P>1. Make an appointment with Steve or Jenn Harley<P>2. Ask Laurie for a referral for a "Harley-practicing" therapist in your area.<P>Why do you feel worse after counseling?? How is the counseling handled? What are you doing/going over, and is there any planning or "homework"?<P>And why "in person" rather than phone counseling?


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