Hi all,<P>Mthrhbrd (sp?) posted with some questions about Retrouvaille and I am here to blab. You're really not supposed to tell much about it, but I know how inquisitive I was before last weekend and I'll tell anyone what they want/need to know.<P>To answer the question on the other post, no, they do not make you share with the other couples at all. There are a few times when they encourage you to do so, but very few did. It was really uncomfortable when they did, because they wait a long time for people to speak out.<P>It's basically a communication class. It's physically and mentally exhausting. I would reccomend it for couples that may be closer to recovery than H and I are. I did see some real break throughs toward the end, but the only break through we had was H telling me a lot of truths, some painful to hear. <P>Did it make us closer? Well, while we were there, experiencing it, I think it did, but as soon as we left...and hubbie got a six pack and a cigar...he went back to Dr Jeckyl, or is it Mr. Hyde. Could hardly believe it was the same man. <P>My H is a schmoozer, a natural born salesman. He tells EVERYONE exactly what they want to hear, exactly when they want to hear it. He's more or less been doing this to me for many years. He is trying so hard to be honest with me...which is huge for him, as he has lied compulsivley his entire life, so I give him a lot of credit for working on this. <BR>I guess the lesson I learned is this: To respect what he has to say even if I don't want to hear it. To respect his feelings, even if they're not the same as mine.<P>I don't want to bum anyone out or discourage you from any way to going on a Retrouvaille weekend. It was stirring, it was painful, it was very educational...but will it work for someone still in a fog...I just don't know.<P>I'll answer any questions you guys ask, though it is a Retrouvaille no-no. I know I needed to know as much as I could before I went.<P>allison<P>

Hi Allison,<BR> I'm just wondering....what is the rationale the retrovaille people give for wanting couples to keep things so hush hush about what the methodology used to help people was? I have looked at the brochures and they sure don't give much info about what takes place.I know a lot of people like to know what they are getting before they spend money on something,especially those of us that don't have a lot of money. Do you think it might be that they want to keep what they do quiet because there are many other places where you could get the same kind of help? Just looking for your perspective on this. <BR>

Allison, I'm sorry I cannot recall exactly where you are with regard to recovery - is the OW still in the picture? If not, has your WS made any kind of "re-committment" to your marriage?<P>If the OW is still in the picture, it is unlikely that ANY program will be particularly effective. As a matter of fact, Retrouvaille generally won't accept you if there is still an OP in the picture, as they are aware that it is not particularly effective under those circumstances.<P>I think that the emphasis on keeping things quiet is twofold - it gives the program a certain air of mystery ... it's success rate and not knowing the details of the program make for a kind of "magical" appeal. The second reason, I think, is simply that the program is so intense that far more troubled spouses would refuse to participate if they knew the details. It is better to find out what it is all about when you get there.<P>Think of it this way - you don't know all there is to know about a course if you register for one at college! You get the little course description, but only get the full course outline when you actually enroll and begin attending the class. It is the same with Retrouvaille... <P>No, I've never gone, although at one point near the beginning, my husband seemed to briefly consider it. I didn't push the issue because I was told that they wouldn't take us unless we could tell them that there was no third party involved with either of the spouses. Of course, we couldn't do that (unless they strictly defined a "third party" as 100% human and excluded slugs!)...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>