Hello all,<BR>I haven't been here in a long time. About a year now. I was going to post in "just found out" but its about 6 years to late. I have a question. My H is a porno addict big time!! Has been for ages. I have tried everything to make him stop and nothing works. I can't get rid of the internet as my son owns his own website and needs it for school. Plus getting rid of the internet scares me in the way that I do not know where my husband would get his thrills from. I do not in any way agree or go along with his porno addiction and have tried repeatedly to get him to stop. Discovered threats do not work!!! His problem is so advanced that it has entered our bedroom. When we do have a love life that is. He prefers his porn to the real thing. What really hurts is when we do make love, I find out he is on the smut sites the next day. Why does he do that?<BR>Another huge fear I have is he recently changed jobs and now has 6 woman working for him. He talks about them all the time. How great they are, how hard they work, etc. One single girl lives very close and she is always looking for his help for something. He just jumps to do whatever he can for her. I have been waiting for 3 months for simple little things I've been begging for his help with. No can do! Plus I hear things from him about how the girls listen to him and respect him. Then he says why can't I be like that! Boy that hurts! Last year I left here and said I was getting on with my life. Well I am back and getting on with my life seems impossible. I truly am at a loss on what to do. I won't end my marriage. I have 4 children and just moved to the US from Canada, so I have no family or friends yet. Talk about being out on an island!

Losthope -<P>I don't have a bunch of time to post. . .but I just wanted to let you know that i read your post. . .I think a marriage like yours can be saved. . .Sounds like your H may have a little addiction to pronography and that isn't good for your marriage. . .it is obviously very upsetting. . .Hang in there. . .I don't really have any adive, but I think your H needs to get some help - has he ever thought about counseling? I know that sounds obvious to you and me, but maybe some others have run into this situation and will be along to help. . .I think the Harley principles can work in your situation, too, so keep posting and reading. . .

losthope:<P>How are you doing today? I hope that you are finding time to do a few things for yourself--you have to make sure you're okay before you can do anything for a marriage.<P>Do I think your marriage can be saved? Yes! I think that it is possible. It won't be easy, but it can be done.<P>Have you asked your H about his porno habit? I mean, have you, in a calm manner, asked him what it is that he finds so compelling about it? It could be that once he tries to put his finger on what exactly he likes about it, he will begin to come around. I know it's easy to say, but don't take his interest in the porn stars personally. It isn't about you--it's about the fantasy. Let him know that it hurts you. Don't yell; don't treat him disrespectfully. Just let him know how YOU feel.<P>The girl at work worries me. Have you and he ever done the needs questionnaire that Dr. Harley has? It sounds as though respect and admiration are high on his list of emotional needs, especially if that is what he talks about how the girls at work do that. <P>I would suggest that, even if it is extremely inconvenient for you, that you accompany him whenever he does anything for work girl. Perhaps you can limit his opportunity for straying by helping him. <P>Look for ways to meet his emotional needs and look for ways to tell him what you need without lovebusting. You can save your marriage, but you need to work hard and start now!<P>Good luck, losthope, and hang in there. --HBC