A few months ago I met a man over the internet. I am 23, he is 43. My marriage was lacking to say the least, and I set out looking for fun. Well...I fell in love. Had I read the information on this website first I would have known that this would happen. So now I am having an affair with this married man. He has been married for over 22 years. He says the marriage died after the 3rd year when his wife had cheated on him. He couldn't forgive her and turned to alcholol and drugs to get through it. He says he stayed only for the kids. Now there is one kid in college, one a senior in high school, and one a sophmore in high school. We are so incredibly happy together. I tried to end the affair thinking it would be best for him and his family and everyone involved. Well that didn't work so well. I keep trying to tell myself that this can't possibly last, that he would never leave his wife. He says he has been planning to leave her after the last kid has graduated, and I had alredy decided I want a divorce. Neither of our spouses know. Please e-mail me and help me with this.

Hey hon, your e-mail is not posted on here. Before I reply, though, I wanted to ask you a couple of questions: #1 - how long have you been married, #2 - have you and this MM met in person yet, and #3 - does he live in the same area as you? <P>You can e-mail me on this if you want:<BR>agarrett@anvilcorp.com<P>Ali

Most people are here because they want to save their marriages or because they are dealing with the pain of divorce. I would guess then that most people would tell you to stop having the affair, deal with the problems in your marriage, and let the OM deal with his problems.<P>I appreciate you coming here for help, but so many of us have experienced the pain of infidelity either as the betrayer or the betrayed, and I don't think there are many among us who would support your relationship or encourage you to "go for it" while you and this OM are still married. <P>I know you think you are in love and that this is the greatest guy on earth. Things change when there isn't the secrecy. When every day life, like laundry, bills, work, and kids get in the way, it just doesn't look so rosy. You are getting the best of each other because you are in a cocoon where the real world does not intrude. It makes things look really good, but I can tell you that relationships like this just aren't real and don't last. Sorry. Just my opinion.

I have to say I disagree with Popeye in that I do find it beneficial to discuss with someone who is having an affair why? But I do have to say a word of warning to you, and you can bank on these words. Hon, if he really wanted to leave his wife he could have and would have a long time ago!<BR>Sorry, I see doom and heartache there for you. There is no reason to "hang On" to a marriage in this day and age just for the kids and these kids are more than old enough for this Dad to have decided this a while ago, if he really had wanted to. Sorry, just call them as I see them. I hope and pray you don't get hurt. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Do yourself a favor and explore this site some more. You are feeling just the way anyone having an affair feels. And it almost always doesn't last. I'm no expert, and am in the middle of a crappy situation with my wife being with someone else, but I think you should do some reading and serious thinking about what you are doing. It is a fantasy and will eventually end. And I agree with chick's that he would have left his wife by now if he was going to. That line is the oldest in the book, and people are falling for it all the time, then getting hurt. I wish you the best.